


protector

by vinylackles



Category: Jensen Ackles - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Divorced Jensen Ackles, F/M, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2019-10-31 09:37:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 65,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinylackles/pseuds/vinylackles
Summary: When you went to help a young girl looking for her father in the park in Austin, you never expected it to be Jensen Ackles daughter. Turns out, he needs some help, and so do you. But things start to take a turn when someone doesn't quite like how close the two of you are getting, and it's up to you to figure it out before it's too late.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> this work is basically just a dream I had once, turned into a story. no harm is meant, and this is simply a fictional story. hope you enjoy it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a completely pointless fic, and it's an idea I got from a dream I had once haha. it's all for fun, with no harm intended to the family, especially danneel who I love. I'm mainly just posting it for fun, but if anyone else enjoys it please let me know! :)

The Texas sun was unrelenting, but it seemed particularly hot that day. You were beginning to regret not wearing a tank top, knowing full well that you were going to be spawning a lovely farmer's tan from the sleeves of your t-shirt as you walked around the park. It was late August, and you were willing yourself to go outside despite the sweltering heat - being cooped up in a house with A/C was nice, but it was getting to you. And besides, soon you'd be back in the cold weather of your own hometown, no matter how much you wished you could stay.

Ignoring the sweat that was pooling, well, everywhere, on you, you continued to walk until you spotted a nice bench in the shade. It was close to the lake, the water fighting off a bit of the heat, and with the birds singing close by it was actually quite relaxing. As an added bonus, it gave you the perfect view to people watch. The park drew out many people, even on days like today. Small families, lots of dogs with frisbees and tennis balls. The occasional runner, more power to them, passed you by with weighted breathes and obscene amounts of sweat dripping off of them. 

It seemed everyone in Austin had some type of fitness complex, and you'd thought maybe when you'd moved there it you would catch the bug. You'd thought wrong, and still preferred to spend your time doing pretty much anything but exercising if you were honest. In the middle of thinking about how far you would be able to run away from a kidnapper, something broke through the natural murmur. 

"Dad?! Daddy!?!" 

The voice was small, a young child you could tell. The distress made your blood go ice cold. You'd spent enough time around kids to know that tone. It meant something was wrong. Very, very wrong. 

As if on instinct you stood up, seeking out the source. There was a young girl, blonde hair in a high ponytail, searching frantically for someone. A few runners passed by, their headphones blocking out her cries for help.

"Dad! Has anybody seen my dad?" She called again. You approached her slowly, and when she turned she looked oddly familiar. It took you a moment to place her face; perhaps she'd been a patient of yours.

"Hey sweetheart, are you okay?" You asked softly, bending down a bit. She looked at you, panic written all over her face as she sucked in quick breaths. 

"I can't find my daddy, and my little sister fell. She's crying and I don't know where he went, we weren't supposed to leave the playground but we followed my little brother because he saw a bug and now I don't know where he is and-"

"Woah, woah, okay, it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna help you okay? What's your name?"

"JJ. JJ Ackles."

 _Well shit._ You'd been a fan of Supernatural for a while, and you followed both Jensen and his wife on instagram. No wonder the little girl had looked familiar to you. There was no way this was happening. Of all the kids that would need your help, it ends up being a celebrities daughter. Surely Jensen had security with him that would be looking for the kids. What was that guys name again?

"Why don't you take me to where your brother and sister are, okay?" 

JJ reached out and grabbed your hand, practically dragging you down the pathway. 

"Is there somebody who is supposed to be helping your dad watch you?" You didn't feel like getting arrested today, or assumed to be some crazy fan if security saw you with three kids you didn't know.

"No, Uncle Cliffy is with Uncle Jared right now, in 'couver," JJ explained, her little legs taking the both of you as fast as she could. 

It wasn't long before you turned the corner and saw two smaller children that you immediately recognized as Jensen's twins. Zeppelin, who was sitting against a tree trunk, worry written all over his face. And Arrow, who was red in the face, tears streaming as she clutched onto her arm, cradling it close to her. 

"Hi guys, are you okay?" 

"Sissy hurt," Zeppelin mumbled, scooting closer to his twin. 

"I see that. We gotta go find your daddy okay? I'm sure he's worried sick about you guys. Arrow, can you walk?" You asked, trying to keep your voice light. She shook her head, more tears falling from her brown eyes. Her legs looked fine, she just seemed scared to try to move anything. 

"Okay sweetheart, it's gonna be okay. I know it hurts, I'm gonna carry you okay?" 

She nodded, and you reached down to pick her up, trying not to jostle her too much. She whimpered a bit, but seemed content enough once you got her up on your hip and settled.

"JJ I want you to hold onto your brothers hand and mine, okay? Which way did you come from?" You asked. Zeppelin was already clinging to his older sister, but his eyes were trained on Arrow - he looked as if he was about to cry as well. JJ pointed to the right before taking your hand again. 

You knew there was a playground in that direction, so you followed her directions and began to move down the path. Arrow buried her face in your shoulder, still crying a bit, but comforted by the fact that she was no longer alone. 

"Hurts," she murmured. 

"I know sweet girl, but were gonna take you to the doctor and make it all better okay? You're doing so good," you reassured her, heart aching a bit at how pitiful she sounded. By the looks of it, her wrist was probably broken. 

"Everybody keep your eyes peeled for you dad, okay?"

"Okay!" They both responded. JJ was holding onto her brother tightly, as if she was scared he would run away.

You walked for a few more minutes, scanning every tall guy you saw to make sure it wasn't Jensen. When the four of you rounded the corner, you saw the bright colors of the playground equipment first, and the man second. He was pacing back and forth, one hand on top of his head, one with his phone pressed to his ear. You could tell by his body language he was in full panic, and you knew it was him before he even turned around.

"DADDY!" JJ yelled, letting go of both her brothers and your hand, sprinting across the grass. Jensen turned around, mouth falling open as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. His phone dropped to the ground as Zeppelin took off after his sister. Jensen ran towards them before dropping to his knees, arms wide open. He caught JJ with his right, and though she almost knocked him over with her momentum he recovered enough to catch his son with his left a few moments later when he caught up.

"Oh thank god, thank god you guys are okay. Where's Arrow, where's your sister?" You heard him say as you approached. You could tell he had been crying by the strain in his voice.

"I've got her right here," you said, suddenly realizing how odd this must all seem to him. 

Arrow lifted her head then, eyes still teary.

"Daddy," she whimpered, reaching out her good arm towards him. He stood up immediately, moving to take his youngest into his arms.

"JJ said she fell, I think she might have broken her wrist," you explained before passing her over to him carefully. She curled up into the familiarity of her dad. He looked at you, eyes wide, tears still brimming. 

"Who are you?"

"I'm Y/N. I just heard JJ yelling for you and thought I might be able to help. I actually, uh, watch your show, so I knew who she was and who to look for," you explained, flushing bright red.  _Way to make it awkward, great job._  

It took you by complete surprise when he pulled you into a tight hug with his free arm. It was awkward, and kind of sweaty, but you could feel the gratitude seeping out of him in every pore.

"Thank you so much, I don't even know what to say. If someone else had gotten to my kids, oh god." He backed up, releasing you. He shuddered a bit as the thought ran through him.

"I'm just glad they're okay, and that I could help." 

You felt something tug at your leg, and looked down to see JJ staring up at you. 

"Thanks for helping my babies," she said, offering you a smile. 

"She's talking about the twins," Jensen explained, running a soothing hand over Arrow's back. You bent down so you could look JJ in the eyes, surprised by the sudden bond you two seemed to have sprung so quickly.

"You're so welcome. You are one awesome big sister JJ, and you did a great job taking care of your babies. You be good for your dad, okay?" 

She hugged you quickly before returning to her dad. 

"I guess we're off to the ER then. Thank you, again, so much for your help." Jensen reached down to take Zeppelin's hand.

"Are you taking them all to the hospital with you?" The question rolled off your tongue before you could stop it and you cringed a bit at yourself.

"Huh?" Jensen asked, eyes wide.

"I'm sorry, that probably sounded really judgy. It's just, I've worked in a hospital before, and with Arrow being so young, they're gonna need to do an x-ray and they'll want you to go back there with her, but they probably won't let you take the other two with you." It dawned on you suddenly, and you mentally kicked yourself. "And... you're probably going to call your wife to meet you there, so it's a moot point anyways. Sorry, again."

"You don't have to be sorry. Besides, their mom is uh... working at the moment. I've actually never had to take any of them to the hospital, so I had no idea. I don't have anybody to watch them." The last sentence seemed to be more for himself than for you. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that threw you off... it didn't seem normal for him. It was as if he was asking you without words. You hesitated, not wanting to cross any boundaries. But something in your gut told you he was just waiting on you to offer.

"Do you want me to go with you? I don't have any plans or anything, and I know my way around the peds hospital. I can just keep an eye on the other two, so you can focus on Arrow. If that would be okay?" You stumbled your way through it, second guessing every other word.

"You'd do that?"

"You seem like you could use the help, and I really don't mind. But I walked here, so I have to go back to my place and get my car," you started, but you trailed off when you saw the look that Jensen was giving you. He was trying to figure you out, that much was obvious. You didn't blame him - you couldn't imagine how many fans he ran into a normal basis.

"I could give you a ride, we've got room. Unless that's uh... weird?" It was his turn to be nervous it seemed. 

"My house is pretty far, and she needs to get into the ER, so let's just do that." You weren't sure why you felt the need to justify it - it was only a car ride.

You followed Jensen and the kids away from the playground, up the grassy hill and towards a rather large black car, with tinted windows. JJ climbed into the back, settling in her booster seat quickly while Jensen helped Zeppelin up and into his seat. He paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to get his son buckled while still holding Arrow. 

"I can take her," you offered, holding out a hand.

"Oh, well, she usually doesn't go to other peop-" 

Arrow reached out her good arm for you, and you took her gently out of his arms.

"Or maybe she does." Jensen chuckled a bit, showing the first smile you'd seen from him all day. So you strapped Arrow into her seat, moving her arm as little as possible in the process before climbing into the passenger side, trying to wrap your head around everything that had just happened. It was going to be an interesting afternoon, that much you were sure of.


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> movin' right along! let me know if you like it!

The pediatric hospital was just as bright and colorful as you remembered it. From the visitors perspective, it was lovely. Murals spanned every wall, depicting anything from happy woodland creatures to blue skies. There were pictures of children with their parents framed, all smiling, of course.

Despite all of it, all you could think about was the pain and suffering that you had seen in your time there. The walls brought back hard, sad memories that you tried to push from your mind as quickly as they’d come; the sunken faces, the cries of parents.

The small hand in yours anchored you in the moment. Zeppelin was walking beside you, his little tennis shoes squeaking on the patterned tile. His hand was raised to hold onto yours, but his eyes were on his twin, who was cradled in his dad’s arms as you all navigated the hallways.

“Take a left up here,” you said, directing Jensen, who was walking so fast that the diaper bag over his arm was swinging rapidly. He did as you said, and Zeppelin tugged on your arm.

“Up?” He asked, looking up at you. You didn’t think twice before scooping him up and settling him on your hip. He seemed more content there, rubbing sleepily at his eyes. It was probably nap time, but he seemed too focused on Arrow to be cranky about it.

You finally found the familiar emergency room sign- Jensen hadn’t wanted anyone to stop and ask him for pictures at the outside exit, so you’d offered to show him the internal one instead. His plan seemed to work, and the five of you managed to get to the desk unnoticed.

JJ seemed to know that things were serious, and she kept quiet and close to her dad, taking the seat next to him when you were all told to sit down. She was worried, and scared it seemed. 

Arrow’s tears had stopped, though she was still cradling her arm to her chest. Jensen was rocking her slightly in his lap, singing quietly to her to keep her calm. Zeppelin mirrored her form, though he was only curled up because he was drifting off to sleep.

“You must have the magic touch or somethin’. He never goes down easy,” Jensen murmured. You hadn’t even realized he was watching you; your eyes had been cast down on Zeppelin’s face, watching him relax into sweet dreams.

“Well I’m glad he’s sleeping. Little guy was so worried about her.” You nodded towards Arrow.

“The three of them are pretty tight knit – but the twins, they’re something else. I read about the bonds twins have before they were born but man, it’s so different to see it in real life.”

“I know exactly what you mean.”

“Are you a twin?” He mused.

“Oh no, no I just have some experience with them. Twins are common NICU babies, and I used to work at a NICU. Um, at this hospital actually.”

“Used to?”

“Yeah. It’s kinda a long story.” You ducked your head a bit, hoping he wouldn’t ask for more details. You weren’t sure you were ready for that. Luckily, something else caught your eye. Arrow had twisted, trying to get more comfortable, and in that moment she’d grabbed onto Jensen’s shirt. She’d used her wrist.

“Arrow, did that hurt?”

She looked up at you with bleary brown eyes.

“A little.” 

“Does it hurt more right here, or right here?” You barely pressed your finger to her wrist, then her collarbone.

“Right there,” she murmured, using her other hand to point to her collarbone. You mentally kicked yourself.

“She didn’t break her wrist,” you sighed.

“What? What do you mean?” Jensen asked, a bit of panic back in his voice.

“Toddlers have a lot of cartilaginous tissue in their bodies, because they’re more prone to injury. So when you have an impact-“

“Hold on. Uh, non-medically licensed, scared dad over here. English?” He asked, though his tone was still friendly.

“Right, sorry. Um, toddlers are learning to walk, right? So of course, they’re clumsy, and they’re going to fall a lot. So their bodies are made to protect them from that, and they’re um… bouncy?”

“ _Bouncy?_ My kid is bouncy?” Jensen chuckled.

“Go with me here, okay!? You have cartilage in all your joints, it’s what keeps them cushioned. It wears down as you get older, that’s why old people’s joints hurt. But for kids, they have a ton of it. And it only starts to really thin out when kids are four or five, so that when they’re little and they fall it doesn’t lock up their joints. So, when Arrow fell, the impact traveled up until it found a joint that was solid. In toddlers, it’s their collarbone. I’d bet you $100 it’s her collarbone, not her wrist,” you explained.

An odd look came over Jensen’s face; a mixture of a smile, and a bit of confusion.

“You really know your stuff, huh? I don’t think I’d wanna bet against you.” His expression gave way to a full smile, until he heard Arrow’s name being called out across the waiting room.

He looked at Zeppelin’s sleeping form, and JJ’s worried eyes, then back to you.

“Daddy, where are they gonna take sissy?” She asked quietly.

“They’re just going to take some pictures and look at her arm to see where it hurts, and then they’re going to fix it as best they can. Everything’s gonna be fine birdie, I promise.” Jensen was quick to reassure her, reaching out to run a thumb along her cheek. He stood up, looking to you, obviously lost on what to do next. 

“There’s an ice cream shop near the lobby. I can take JJ over there, get her mind off things… if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, that’d be great actually. Here, I can give you some cash.” He went phishing for his wallet, but you stopped him quickly.

“Jensen, it’s like a dollar a scoop. Don’t worry about it. Go take care of Arrow, I got these guys. If we aren’t back here when you’re done, we’ll be in the ice cream shop. Now go,” you said, practically shooing him away. 

“Thank you. Seriously, you’re a god send Y/N,” Jensen murmured. You just offered him a smile as the blush crept to your cheeks.

“Alright baby girl, you ready to go meet the doctor? He’s gonna make it all better…” His voice faded as he headed towards the door. Once they were out of sight, you stood up, readjusting Zeppelin in your arms. He stirred a bit, tucking his head into the crook of your neck as he slept.

“JJ, you wanna go get some ice cream?”

“Is my sissy gonna be okay?” She asked, big brown eyes gazing up at you.

“She’s gonna be just fine,” you reassured her as she climbed out of her chair.

“You promise?”

“I _pinky_ promise.” You held out your little finger, and tried not to laugh at how wide her eyes got. This was serious business. She wrapped her pinky around yours, moving to hold your hand as you exited the waiting room, Zeppelin snoozing soundly.

 

* * *

 

By the time that Jensen made it down from the ER, you were doing your best to help get the chocolate ice cream off of JJ’s face with one hand. She had been paying less attention to keeping her face clean and more attention to describing all of her friends at school, so it had become quite the mess.

When Arrow came in, she looked like a brand new kid. With a wide smile and a new, bright purple sling, she came running in, heading over to her sister. The sling held her arm strapped across her belly, and you recognized it immediately.

“Collarbone?”

“Told you I wasn’t gonna bet against you,” Jensen teased, confirming your suspicion. “But I still owe you one. How was the ice cream J-bird?”

“So so _so_ good! Ms. Y/N even let me get sprinkles!” She exclaimed. He was about to bend down to talk to her, but she quickly lost interest and focused on her sister’s new sling instead.

“She seems to be adjusting well to the new hardware,” you said, nodding towards the younger of the girls as you stood up. Your arms were growing tired, so you adjusted Zeppelin a bit. He was like a tiny space heater against you, throwing off waves of warmth.

“Yeah, I was surprised, she’s not my go-with-the-flow kid. That’s her brother. Speaking of him, do you want me to take him? I know he’s heavy.”

“Nah, I think my arms will recover… eventually,” you chuckled.

“Alright, well, let’s pack it up. I’ll drive you home.”

The thought of him seeing your apartment complex made your stomach twist. You didn’t live in the nicest of places, and the embarrassment when you thought of what his house must look like in comparison made you want to melt away into nothing right there.

“It’s okay, I can take an uber from here,” you tried, but something told you it wasn’t going to work. You were correct.

“No really, I insist. It’s the least I can do.” His voice was earnest, and it put you a bit more at ease. Knowing he wasn’t going to take no for an answer, you simply picked up the napkins off the table and went to throw them away as he picked Arrow up and took JJ’s hand. As a group of five you headed out to the parking lot, with you leading the way through the many winding hallways.

It scared you a bit, how natural it seemed, to walk up to the range rover and open the back door. You put Zeppelin in his car seat like you’d done it a thousand times before, happy to see that he remained asleep.

“Seriously?! Are you a baby charmer or something? He _never_ goes to sleep for me, much less stays asleep!” Jensen grumbled, exasperated. You were surprised to see him handling Arrow’s sling quite well as he clicked her car-seat together. The doctors were supposed to instruct on how to do it, but parents rarely listened closely enough to remember.

“You're the one who said I had the magic touch,” you chuckled, finishing clicking him in before moving to sit in the passenger seat.

As you left the parking lot, you mumbled out your directions to your apartment. You knew it well enough; it was your old route home from work after all.

It was a quick drive, easy enough to navigate, but you could tell that Jensen realized that you weren’t headed towards the nicer part of town. He kept his expression neutral, occasionally pointing out some dogs or other things along the way to JJ to keep her entertained. You were sure he was thinking of every bad thing about your neighborhood, and just pretending to ignore it. He was an actor, after all.

“Is that for sale sign for your place?” Jensen couldn’t help but ask as he pulled up to the curb, noticing the haphazard sign you’d stuck in the browning grass only a few days before.

“Yeah. I just, uh, can’t really afford rent anymore,” you muttered, looking down at your hands. He didn’t need to hear any more of your sob story. He didn’t care.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you looking to move to somewhere cheaper? I know a few people, real estate agents…”

“I doubt any real estate agents you know would be selling houses in my price range,” you said, a bit of a knee jerk reaction. You regretted the words immediately. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I’m actually not looking for anywhere in Austin. It’s too expensive.”

“No, you’re probably right,” he sighed, chuckling a bit to himself. “So, if you aren’t looking for somewhere new, what’s your plan?”

“Move back home until I can get back on my feet. Pathetic, right?”

“No. Not at all. But hey, I really do owe you one, for all your help today. Before you go back, let me make you dinner? I would say we could just go out, but with three kids in tow that’s not the easiest thing.” He looked surprised at himself for even suggesting it, as if he hadn’t meant for the words to come out of his mouth.

You just couldn’t believe what was happening, or anything that had happened during the whole day if you were honest.

“You want to cook me _dinner?_ ”

“It’s how us Texas boys say thank you. I may not be as good of a cook as my mom, but I can grill a mean steak if you’re up for it,” he offered again, smiling over at you.

“Uh, yeah… okay?" 

“Great! Well, I have to fly back up to Vancouver on Sunday night, and the kids are gonna be tired after everything today. So, how about tomorrow night, around six?”

“Yeah. Six. I can do six.” The words came out automatically. _What the hell was happening?_

“Perfect. Do you need me to pick you up?”

“No, I’ve got a car.” You secretly hoped that he hadn’t noticed it parked on the street. Compared to the leather seats you were sitting in now, it looked like a pile of junk.

“Okay, well here’s my address, and my number. You’ll need the gate code to get in too.” He scribbled all the info down on a spare napkin he had in the console. “Just call me if something comes up. Or if you change your mind.”

“You usually just go around giving your address out to fans?” You said as you took the paper, unbuckling your seat belt and pulling your door open.

He just laughed as you stepped down from the car.

“No. But you’re not just some fan.”


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me??? updating so soon??? yes indeed haha. 
> 
> also, if you haven't watched Jensen's Architectural Digest house tour video, I highly recommend it before you read this chapter! I described the house as it is in that video (the best I can do). I'll eventually be adding other rooms and such that may not be in the video though, just a heads up
> 
> anyways, ENJOY!

You weren’t sure how time could be so temperamental. It was supposed to be so solid, so monotonous. Seconds to minutes to hours to days. Yet, you’d spent three years in Austin and it felt like a few months. One day in your hometown made you feel like you’d been stuck there for a year. And somehow, it was already 5 o’clock on Saturday night, and you were panicking. 

“Breathe Y/N, just breathe,” you murmured to yourself, trying not to think about the fact that in an hour, you were supposed to be at Jensen frickin’ Ackles’ house. You swiped on some makeup, not trying anything new, just going with the familiar. The outfit was the hard part; you’d gone from dresses to leggings to the jean shorts you were now wearing, paired with a flowy tank top. Not super dressy, but nice enough to look like you tried. 

You weren’t sure why you were so nervous; it was just dinner. Jensen was nice, and sincere, and he just wanted to thank you for helping him out. But there was a little voice in your mind that wouldn’t let you stop replaying the last thing he’d said to you…

_You’re not just some fan._

Something about the tone, the little smirk he’d given you. It didn’t make sense. You didn’t dare let your mind wander to think that it was that. He was married for Christ sake. 

You spent the next ten minutes packing a bag with anything you could need, and typing the address into your phone over and over, checking to make sure there wasn’t any traffic.

Finally, it was time to leave. You locked up your apartment and headed out to your car, trying not to look at it too hard. It was a small four door, with lots of little dents and scratches, and 17 years of wear and tear. But it got you from point a to point b; most days, anyway. 

Thankfully, it made it to the other side of town, off of the lake where all the locals knew the richest in Austin lived. The city gave way to suburb, and you knew immediately when you’d entered the right neighborhood, if the perfectly manicured lawns and large security gates were any indication. You were sure Jared lived in the neighborhood too, and you wondered if you passed his house as you looked at all the gates, searching for a house number. 

When you got to the right house, the driveway was paved nicely, and a large bronze gate towered up high. You pulled up, typing in the code that Jensen had given you with shaky fingers, jumping a bit when the gates started moving silently, giving way.

You pulled your car through slowly, trying not to gape at the sight in front of you. The front yard was quite large, with big expanding trees dotting the green grass. The driveway curved and weaved a bit as it approached the house.

From the outside, it didn’t look like anything astronomically special. Light bricks, a bit of an odd entryway, and a large black door, with a sculpture hand for a knocker. You put your car in park towards the front, noticing that the driveway crested on a hill. It continued downward, ending with a garage, whose doors were open, revealing a shiny red truck, the range rover you’d ridden in the day before, another blue old classic car, and a motorcycle tucked away on the right side. Damn.

As you got out of the car, you heard another door open. Turning, you saw Jensen standing in the little entryway with a wide smile. He looked more relaxed than the day before, in khaki shorts and a soft looking patterned polo. 

“Don’t even have to knock around here, huh?” You teased, grabbing your bag. Somehow, you were more nervous, yet more relieved at the sight of him. Your body was confused, that was for sure. 

“Nah, the cameras and gates do it for you. Wow. That sounds super creepy when you say it out loud,” he chuckled, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. 

Just then, JJ came running out of the house, stumbling a bit and thankfully saving you from having to answer. Somehow, you weren’t surprised when she came to hug your leg. 

“You’re back! Daddy said you were gonna come back!” She exclaimed with a grin.

“Here I am!” You joked, running a hand over her head to brush some of her hair back into place. It had fallen out of her ponytail, flying around in wispy blonde strands in the breeze.

“She’s been talking about it all day,” Jensen smiled down at his daughter as she let go of you. There was a look of admiration in his eyes that made your heart melt.

“Never underestimate a first impression,” you said, moving to follow them both into the house. It was lighter than you’d expected, with wood ceilings and bright colors. The blue couch in the living room caught your eye, and you looked around from the bar with a large, white, taxidermy peacock, to the kitchen, which was a bit of a mess. In fact, quite a bit of the house seemed to be a mess, but it was beautiful none-the-less.

“Sorry it’s a bit of a mess, the kids have been running me ragged all day,” Jensen said, as if he had read your mind.

“Don’t worry about it. Super neat houses freak me out anyways, I’ll take signs of living over prim and proper any day,” you chuckled, sitting your bag by the door. 

“So _not_ having the entirety of their toy collection on the floor would give you the heebie-jeebies?” He asked, passing a cup of water to JJ. 

“Maybe,” you shrugged, grinning. “Looks like you’re missing two, where are the twins?”

“Downstairs, I’ve been grilling down there. C’mon, I’ll show yah,” he motioned for you to follow as he started across the kitchen. You passed a stairway that went up to another level, as well as the massive windows of what you realized was a huge screened in porch. It was bigger than the entirety of your apartment, and made you swallow the nervous lump in your throat. You’d known his house would be nice but _jesus._

The large open air space stopped at a spiral staircase. He moved the baby gate aside so you could pass and you hurried down them, JJ on your heels. It opened to a large room with a kitchen on the left, and a wine cellar that was filled with enough bottles to surpass your net worth without a doubt. 

He didn’t seem at all fazed by the signs of wealth around him, including the giant pool you could see through the windows. Instead, he just walked over to the twins who were happily coloring away at a little table he’d set up for them. It looked like a picnic table that he’d dragged indoors. 

He ruffled Zeppelin’s hair a bit as he passed, going out the doors and towards the grill that was smoking. The smell of the meat cooking made your stomach grumble a bit – you’d been too nervous to eat earlier. 

Lucky for you, it looked like the steak was done, and you watched as Jensen placed each piece onto a large plate and came back through the doors. 

“Alright kiddos, dinner’s ready! Daddy will be back down to get you in a second.” He must have noticed your eyebrows raise, because he answered your mental question. “I don’t trust them on those stairs yet. Or any stairs really.”

“I can get them,” you shrugged, heading over to them.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know, that’s why it’s called an offer,” you grinned. “Alright, c’mon little ones, time to go upstairs.” 

Arrow was the first to abandon her crayons and reach up for you with her free arm. You scooped her up with ease, moving to her brother.

“C’mon Zepp, it’s time for dinner!”

At that, he turned to you, reaching up. You were surprised that they were both familiar with you enough already to be so comfortable. With a twin on each hip, you started towards the steps. Jensen was ahead of you, already halfway up.

“Me too Ms. Y/N, me too!” JJ exclaimed, obviously hopeful. 

“Birdie, she’s gotta carry the babies. You’re a big girl, you can do the stairs,” Jensen reminded her from above, and though his tone was sweet you saw JJ’s face fall a bit. She didn’t throw a fit, but you could tell she was disappointed. It wasn’t easy being the oldest, especially with twins, you were sure. 

Before she could get too far, you got her attention.

“Psst, JJ. Quick, jump on,” you said. Her face lit up in excitement as you bent down. She scrambled onto your back, arms locked around your neck. She wasn’t as light as the twins, but you managed as you walked up the stairs, all of them giggling as you over exaggerated your steps. 

By the time you made it to the kitchen they were cackling, and they’d caught Jensen’s attention. As he peeked around the corner JJ gasped in your ear.

“Quick! Hide!” She exclaimed. Both the twins buried their faces in your neck, as if because they couldn’t see their dad, he couldn’t see them. Their innocence made your heart swell. 

“You all are a mess. C’mon, it’s dinner time,” he said with a shake of the head, but he was beaming. You crouched down so JJ could climb off, but you noticed Jensen’s hands were full with both the twins plates, so you kept them in your arms, carrying them out to the porch. 

It was cooler than yesterday, and there was a bit of a breeze off the lake that snuck through the screen walls and made the porch the perfect temperature. You put them in their chairs, equipped with booster seats to help them reach the table. Their plates were full of apple slices, grilled cheese and carrot sticks. 

JJ had steak on her plate when Jensen brought it out, walking back and forth bringing more and more things, including salads and full plates for you and him. You sat down, Zeppelin beside you and Arrow beside where he would be. JJ was happily sitting at the head of the table, and you slid her plate towards you, starting to cut up her steak for her as Jensen made yet another trip, getting cups of juice for all three kids.

“What would you like to drink? I’ve got wine, water, tea, coke…” 

“Waters fine,” you said, continuing your work. He noticed, frowning.

“Hey, quit that! You’re the guest, you aren’t supposed to be doing any work!” 

“I don’t mind.” You reassured him as he headed back in to get two cups of water for you all. Finally, he sat down across from you. 

“Still; I invited you over for dinner and you’ve been taking care of the kids since you walked in the door! I’m gonna have to invite you over for another dinner just to make up for it.” He sighed. “I think I’m officially certified as the world’s worst host.” 

You simply rolled your eyes, cutting off a piece of steak and putting it in your mouth. It melted on your tongue like butter. 

“Um, not according to my taste buds you’re not. This is so good,” you said earnestly, already cutting another piece. 

“I’m glad you like it. It’s really the least I could do. I don’t even want to think of what would have happened at the park if you hadn’t found them when you did.” He shuddered at the thought, cutting into his steak. It fell quiet for a moment at that, only the sound of the crickets beginning to chirp outside. Was the sun setting already?

“Do you have any friends?” JJ’s question caught you off guard and you sputtered a bit before you answered. 

“I have a few. Who are your best friends?” 

“Tom and Sheppy and Odette and Maddie.” She listed them off quickly, proud of herself. 

“Odette!” Zeppelin mimicked, grinning with a mouth full of grilled cheese. His smile looked just like Jensen’s.

“Those are Jared’s kids, and a friend from school,” Jensen added helpfully, mouth full of steak. You didn’t feel the need to tell him that you already knew that. 

“Do you have a boyfriend?” JJ asked. 

“Birdie…” Jensen cautioned, letting her know that it wasn’t an okay question to ask a stranger. But were you really a stranger at this point?

“Nope, boys have cooties,” you winked at her. Jensen just smiled.

The rest of the dinner passed by with easy conversation, the twins babbling to each other and Jensen playing defense from flying apple slices. The clean-up was easy, and Jensen let you help with minimal protest. It had already reached 7:30 by the time all the dishes were done, and Jensen scooped up the twins, turning to you.

“JJ, go on up to your room, put your pj’s on and pick out a story. I’ll be there soon, okay?” 

JJ followed his instructions, scurrying up the staircase that you’d noticed earlier. Once she was out of sight, he turned to you.

“Do you have any other plans for tonight?” Jensen asked, a hint of nerves in his voice. Arrow was playing with his hair, running tiny fingers through it, though he didn’t seem to notice. 

“No, I don’t have any.” Your heart rate sped up, your mouth dried out.

“Good. I’ve gotta get them to bed, but will you stick around? I’ve got something I want to talk to you about.” 

“Yeah, sure. I can stick around,” you gulped.

“Awesome. Just make yourself at home, I shouldn’t be too long.”

And with that you watched him disappear up the stairs, leaving you alone in the living room with a million questions.


	4. chapter four

It only took Jensen 45 minutes to get all three kids to bed, which was quite an impressive feat if you did say so yourself. You’d wandered around a bit, looking at the many guitars on their stands in the small living room, the art work on the walls. There were so many little details and bright colors around that somehow, even though you’d only been there for a few hours, it felt like a second home.

You were admiring the white peacock you’d noticed earlier when he came back downstairs, footsteps quiet in the way that father’s always walked when their kids were in bed.

“Creepy, isn’t it?” He said, coming up beside you, running a finger over the tail feathers. He was so close to you that you could feel the heat radiating off of him. He seemed to realize your proximity when you turned and he took a step back, pulling a wine glass from where it was hanging upside down.

“You want some wine?”

“I’ve gotta drive in a bit,” you said, a bit weary.

“Half glass? It’s the good stuff. Promise.” He grinned at you in persuasion, and you felt a bit woozy, your heart rate sky rocketing.

You were pretty sure you’d do anything he asked anyways. _Married. He’s married,_ you reminded yourself. 

“Alright alright,” you gave in, pleased to see him smile as he pulled another glass down for you. He got the wine from the fridge at the bar and poured two glasses.

“C’mon, let’s sit upstairs and talk.”

You followed him, surprised that the stairs led to another level, with more than just bedrooms. There was a dining room table that looked like it wasn’t used very often, and a massive couch that sat before a huge tv. Jensen headed for the cushions, plopping down on one side. You perched on the other side, sinking down. You were apprehensive; what did he want to talk about?

He passed you your glass and you took a sip. He wasn’t lying; it was delicious.

“You like it?” His voice was nervous again. You nodded, offered him a smile after you took another sip.

“I lied to you,” he blurted out. For some reason, it made your heart sink, though you had no idea what he would have lied about.

“About?” You asked him quietly, and he sighed, taking a rather large drink of wine.

“I want you to know, that I really did invite you over here as a thank you, for literally saving my kids lives.”

“I didn’t save anyone’s life. Anyone could have helped them,” you said, looking down at the dark red liquid in your cup. It had tiny ripples going through it – your hands were shaking, you realized.

“Exactly. _Anyone_ could have gotten to them, and unfortunately not many people have as good of intentions as you do. You brought them back to me, and I’m going to be thankful for that for the rest of my life.” His voice was earnest, and it gave you just enough resolve to look up at him.

“You don’t have to thank me for that anymore, you already have. I asked what you lied about.”

“Remember when you assumed Danneel would be meeting me at the hospital? And I told you that she was working?” It was the first time he’d said her name since you met, you realized. He’d always just referred to her as ‘their mom’. It didn’t strike you as odd until now, but you controlled your expression as you nodded.

“Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie. She’s working, I think. But she’s uh… she’s in New Orleans. She moved back there about 6 months ago. Because… well because we’re not together anymore.”

A wave of guilt washed over you, and you saw his shoulders slump a little bit, as if he was prepared for you to scold him. He looked like a child, and it broke your heart.

“Jensen… I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t enough, but you couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“I did it to myself. I was gone all the time filming, and she put her whole career on hold for me, and I think she just resented me for it.”

“But that’s your _job_. It’s not like you were just running off dicking around, you were at work!” For some reason, you felt so protective over him in that moment that it startled you. You hardly knew him. Perhaps it was the way his lip pulled to the side, like he couldn’t quite manage a full smile, that made you want to rip apart anyone who had hurt him. 

“I know, I know. But she just… she just left. Said she wanted to be home with her family in Louisiana. And she said that it was my turn to raise the kids, my turn to put my life on hold. She fired our nanny, and she won’t return my calls. And I would, I would give it all up and stay here with the kids but I have a contract and I can’t back out of my show… I don’t _want_ to, but my kids need me and I need to know that they’re okay. I managed for a little while because we’ve been on hiatus, but now were a month into filming and I still don’t know what I’m doing, and-” He was rambling now, eyes on the floor. You didn’t realize that you were leaning forward until you reached out a hand and placed it on his knee, which silenced him.

“Jensen. You didn’t do anything wrong. You aren’t in the wrong here, okay? You have to believe me on that.”

“I’m failing my kids,” he whispered, and when he looked up, you could see a few tears had snuck their way out of his eyes. You resisted the urge to reach up and wipe them away. 

“No, no not at all. I see the way you are with your kids. Just in two days, I can already tell you’re a hell of a father. You’re doing the best you can with your current situation.” You tried to convey your emotion through your words, tried to make him _feel_ that you were telling the truth.

“Thank you. That means a lot, especially coming from you. You’re so natural with them. They don’t trust easy, not after their mom left. But they really seem to like you.” His voice was a bit more even now, and he offered you another half-smile.

“They’re good kids Jensen. You’ve raised _good_ kids.”

The silence was heavy for a few moments until you broke it again.

“You said you have to fly to Vancouver tomorrow night. For filming?”

He nodded, face somber. “We’re starting on episode three.”

“So who’s been watching your kids for the first few episodes?”

“They’ve been going to daycare. The twins don’t mind, but JJ hates it. And then I’ve been asking Genevieve, Jared’s wife, if she could watch them once daycare closes. She says she doesn’t mind, but six kids is too much to ask, and I know she’s only doing it because she loves me and she loves the kids. But I feel like I’m taking advantage of her. I feel terrible.”

“Jensen, the people around you _want_ to help you. You shouldn’t feel bad for asking for help, or for needing it.”

“I’m asking too much,” he countered, shaking his head.

“You aren’t,” you argued. _Danneel is asking too much,_ you wanted to say, but you held back. He looked down at his glass again, as if contemplating if he really wanted to say what he was thinking.

“Do you want to stay in Austin?” He asked. It was about the last question you expected, but luckily it was an easy answer.

“Absolutely. I love it here. But I already told you, when you dropped me off. I can’t make my rent anymore.” Even saying it out loud hurt a bit. Texas was your _home_.

“Because you don’t have a job.” It was a statement, not a question, but you nodded anyways. “So if you had a job, you’d stay?”

“Well, I’m already in the process of selling my place. But if I could find somewhere to live, then yeah, I’d love to stay. Why?” He was confusing you.

“Would you want to be a nanny?”

“I’ve never really thought about it,” you said, and the pieces clicked together. Was he actually gonna say what you thought he was going to say?

“You could nanny here. It would be a live in position, then you wouldn’t have to worry about finding a new place. I’ve got a few spare bedrooms, you could decorate yours however you wanted to. And I’d be home on the weekends to help out, if you needed days off. I’ll pay you, whatever you want, and if you want me to sign a contrac-“ 

“Jensen, Jensen hey, slow down,” you cautioned. “Are you sure?”

“What?” He seemed more surprised by your question than you had been by his offer.

“I mean, you just met me. You don’t know me from Adam, and now you want me to move in and take care of your kids? Aren’t you scared I’m like, I don’t know, a creep? Or a crazy fan?”

“Are you? A creep, or a crazy fan?” 

“No.”

“Is there any reason that you would bring danger to my kids, or me?”

You hesitated for a moment. No, that wasn’t an issue anymore. You’d been careful. You’d made sure.

“No.”

“Then I don’t have anything to worry about, do I?” He smiled.

“I just… I don’t want you to rush into this because you think that I’m the only option.”

“I know you’re not the only option. I just think you’re the _best_ option. I’ve interviewed a few nannies and I just can’t picture them taking care of the kids like I can picture you. I trust you.”

“ _Why?”_ You couldn’t believe it. Surely, he was extra cautious, extra careful around people. Being a celebrity, you had to be. Right?

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just have this feeling, that you were meant to help me and I was meant to help you. Does that make sense?”

 _Yes_ , you thought. “Kinda,” you said.

“If you don’t want to do it, I understand. I just thought that we’d be good for each other, you know? And if you need a few days, that’s fine too. Gen already agreed to watch them this week, so you’ve got time.” He was backtracking, sensing your hesitation. 

Were you really about to pass this up? A free place to live, a job that would pay more than you could dream off. You’d get to stay in Austin, you’d get to be around kids and taking care of them, just like at the hospital. And you know, you’d be living with Jensen frickin’ Ackles. You couldn’t let this opportunity slide. But a tiny voice in the back of your head resounded, one that you’d been trying to block out for so long.

_If you try again, I’ll find you. God help me I will find you._

Just the memory of his voice made your skin crawl, sending a shudder down your back. You pressed your hands together, squeezing them so hard that your knuckles turned white. He couldn’t hurt you. He couldn’t. Though your reaction was minimal, it didn’t go unnoticed.

“You okay?” Jensen asked, his soft voice cutting through the memory, bringing you back. He’d been watching you, and you realized he was waiting on an answer. And you gave it to him before you could talk yourself out of it.

“I don’t need a few days. I’ll do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your all's support means so much to me, I literally can't stop writing hahaha
> 
> hope you enjoy, leave me a comment if you did!


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy it!!! let me know what you think :)

You’d given yourself until Thursday to get everything packed up in your apartment, but it turned out you didn’t need that much time. In fact, you were done doing most of your packing by the end of the day on Tuesday.

Your whole apartment, minus the furniture you didn’t need anymore, had been reduced down to five boxes. There wasn’t much that you’d brought with you from your hometown; you’d wanted to leave that place far behind you. It brought you immense peace to know that you weren’t having to go back there any time soon.

However, you hadn’t bought many things since you’d been in Texas either, and you’d had to sell quite a bit of anything you’d acquired in a last ditch effort to pay rent as well. So, you were down to your clothes and a few personal belongings, and of course, your books.

It felt surreal to be staring at your ceiling, laying on your back as you realized that it might be the last time you ever slept in your apartment. Your little safe haven, where you had run to leave everything behind.

You pulled your phone out, scrolling down to the unfamiliar contact that you’d added. You typed out the text before you could overthink it.

_Hey Jensen, it’s Y/N. I’ve finished packing up everything, and I was thinking about moving it over to your house tomorrow. Would that be okay?_

He responded quicker than you thought he would.

_Sounds good to me. The code to disarm the security system is 121767. If you have trouble remembering, it’s the year JJ was born, the year the twins were born and the year the impala was made haha. Make sure you disarm before you try to open it, or it’ll trigger the alarm_

You smiled at that, surprised to see another typing bubble pop up from him. You waited until the message came through. 

_You can pick any of the empty bedrooms, and if you want to just stay after you move all your stuff that’s cool with me. Just let me know so I don’t think you’re an intruder or anything_

He hadn’t gotten a chance to teach you the ropes of the complex camera and alarm system before he’d had to fly off to Vancouver. He’d handed you a key before you’d left on Saturday night, but that was all.

You typed a quick response.

_Sounds good. I’ll probably just stay since I’ll have all my stuff over there._

He sent a thumbs up emoji, making you chuckle a bit.

_Shouldn’t you be busy filming?_

_It’s a Misha/Alex scene right now. So naturally, Jared and I are creating chaos instead :)_

You could picture it so clearly, Jensen and Jared crouched behind a camera, trying to sabotage a most likely serious scene. It warmed your heart a bit.

_Be nice. I’m headed to bed, goodnight_

_Goodnight Y/N_

With that, you plugged your phone in to charge and rolled over, willing sleep to come.

* * *

 

You’d always known the trunk of your car was small, but you hadn’t realized it wouldn’t fit a single moving box in it until it was too late.

“Stupid piece of crap,” you grumbled, feeling sweaty and gross and baked by the Texas sun. The lack of air conditioning in the car wasn’t helping. It was just as hot as it had been in the park, but now you were on your second trip across town, having loaded up the last boxes that you had packed.

The second time, it wasn’t as hard to find the house, and you pulled up to the gate with confidence, punching in the code.

 _Just me._ You sent a quick text to Jensen, knowing it alerted him each time you opened the gate. He hadn’t answered you on the previous text you’d sent either; he was filming, after all.

You pulled your car up, parking it carefully and starting your long haul into the house and around the bar. All the spare bedrooms resided in the same hidden-away hallway, which was on the same side of the house as the kids rooms, though they were on the floor above.

Unpacking was much easier than packing, and you found yourself done in just a few hours. All your clothes were either hung up or folded in the drawers, so you easily found a new tank top to change into, feeling a bit more refreshed.

You headed back down to the kitchen, searching through the cabinets to find a glass. It took a few tries, and you mentally noted where the pots and pans were, as well as the plates for the kids and their cups for juice. You finally found the adult glasses, pouring yourself some water with lots of ice, leaning against the counter. The house was very peaceful with no one in it, cozy and warm despite all its bright colors and light walls.

You walked slowly back out to the porch, remembering how the sound of the crickets had mingled with Arrow’s giggles only a few nights before. Had that really only been four days ago? You felt like you hadn’t seen any of them in so long.

The heat was too stifling to stay outside long, so you set to exploring the rest of the house. You walked up the stairs, back to the airy living room with the massive gray couch you and Jensen had sat on. You passed it, opening a door you hadn’t yet. It was a gym, with all the essential equipment. Maybe you could get actually get fit like you’d thought that you would when you moved to Austin after all.

Backing out of that, you went back towards the stairs, passing the dining room space that didn’t seem to get much use. Then again, what dining room ever did?

Back down the stairs, you turned the corner, immediately going back up a different staircase that you knew lead to the kids rooms. It didn’t make much sense to you to have the upstairs be separated by a wall, but you knew the kids would love the privacy when they were older. The first room on the right was the nursery. It was obvious that the twins still slept there, though most of their toys and such had been moved to the other bedrooms down the hall, which were right next to each other.

Zeppelin’s room was dark, with a dark gray bookshelf full of colorful books and toys and trucks. Arrow’s was the opposite, with white walls and light wooden shelves, and a bed spread full of color. Finally, JJ’s room was across from Arrow’s, her décor very much the same; lots of pinks and purples, bright yet soft at the same time.

The whole upstairs was obviously the kids domain, with books and toys scattered about, bean bags and pillows strewn around. You could picture them chasing each other around the wood walkways, and the thought made you smile.

You went back downstairs, down to a side of the house that you hadn’t been in yet. Fingers trailing on the blue fabric of the couch, you moved towards the large black door, easing it open. 

Immediately, you knew where you were. Jensen’s bedroom. It smelled a bit like the cologne he’d had on when you’d come over on Saturday, and it calmed you a bit. The room was beautiful, with wood ceilings and large panels on the walls that moved, revealing black and white wall paper. There was a bench covered in white fur in the corner, with a beautiful view of the lake.

To the left was a massive bathroom, with one of the biggest showers you had ever seen. Large steel beams held it up, contrasted against the white marble tiles. There was a tub on the other side of the bathroom by the window, and you smiled when you saw the rubber ducks and kids toys in the bottom of it.

You headed back to the room, only now noticing the little signs of living everywhere. Jensen’s shirt tossed in the corner, the old copy of “Goodnight Moon” that was discarded on the floor by the bed – you could picture him, curled up in bed with all three kids around him, everyone in comfy pjs. A picture on the nightstand caught your eye, one you’d never seen before. It was Jensen with JJ leaning over his shoulder, laughing as he looked down at the twins, back when they were tiny babies. They each fit in one of his hands, and all you could see were the tops of their heads. Something tugged at your heart when you saw that picture, something that you couldn’t quite place. You leaned in closer, trying to decipher which head of brown hair belonged to which baby. 

And then a noise ripped through the silence, making you scream.

It took you 5 seconds too long to realize it was your phone ringing in your back pocket, and another 10 too long to get yourself together enough to answer it.

“Hello?” You said, not even thinking to look at the number.

“Hey! Is this Y/N?” The voice was quite peppy, though you could hear a commotion in the background.

“Uh, yes. Who is this?”

“It’s Gen! Jared’s wife. Did you get moved in okay?”

“Uh yeah, I did. Thank you,” you said, a bit confused. How did she know you moved in?

“Great, that’s great! _Shep, put that down sweetie.”_ Her voice changed a bit, and you could tell she had pressed the phone to her shoulder. “Um, you haven’t happened to see a green folder sitting around anywhere have you?”

Come to think of it, you had, up on the dining room table.

“Uh, yeah I think so actually. Why, what’s up?”

“Oh great! It’s all the school forms, for JJ. I just remembered that Tom’s school forms are due soon, which means that JJ’s are too. I need to fax them up to set so the guys can sign them. _Zeppelin, baby don’t touch that!”_  

You had walked upstairs while she was talking, and found the forms that she was talking about.

“Yeah, okay. Um, do you need me to bring it over?”

She didn’t answer, and you heard chaos ensuing on the other end of the line. You couldn’t imagine managing 6 kids alone.

“Sorry, what did you say? The kids are driving me a little wild today.”

“I just asked if you needed me to bring it over to you, so you could fax it.” You hesitated before you spoke again. “Do you want some help, with the kids?”

“Oh no, it’s okay! I just promised them they could swim today, but our pool has a leak and people are working on it today, so they’ve been cooped up in the house, and our nanny is out of town. But it’s okay, really. I know you’ve had a long day of move in.” Her tone was light and friendly despite the stress you knew she had to be under. You gazed out the window at the massive pool on the lawn.

“You could bring them over here, if you wanted. Jensen’s pool is fine, and I could help out. And then you could get the form too.”

“Are you sure?” She asked, but you could hear the relief in her voice.

“Of course! Besides, I’d love to meet you.”

“I can’t wait to meet _you!_ I’ll be over as soon as I can get the kids loaded in a car,” she laughed. 

“Good luck. See you soon!" 

You heard the driveway ‘doorbell’ as Jensen called it ring, signaling Gen's arrival just as you were closing the freezer. If you’d learned anything from being around kids, you knew that popsicles were a favorite, and you’d spotted a mold for homemade ones in the cabinet. So you’d passed the time by making a concoction of pineapple and mango juice that you’d found in the fridge and pouring it in. 

You’d finished just in the nick of time, because when Gen’s car stopped outside and you opened the door, you could already hear them. The older three came bolting out of the car, JJ running up to you and giving you a hug.

“Ms. Y/N Ms. Y/N! Did you bring all your clothes!? Are you gonna stay now?!”

You crouched down so you were eye level with her. 

“Yep, I get to stay,” you reassured her, giving her another hug.

You noticed Tom and Shep behind her, standing awkwardly; they probably weren’t used to seeing anyone but Danneel and Jensen in the house, you were sure.

“Hi guys, I’m Y/N,” you smiled at them, offering a wave.

“These are my boys,” JJ said simply, moving past you and towards the door. They waved at you shyly before scurrying off after JJ.

Gen appeared from the other side of the car, Odette on one hip and Arrow on the other, a few bags slung over her shoulders. Odette was younger than the twins, but she was practically half their size. It took you a moment to remember that Zeppelin was still in the car, so you hurried over, opening the other door and unbuckling him from his seat.

“Not gonna lie, I wasn’t gonna ask but damn am I glad you offered to help today,” Gen said, exasperated.

“No one should have to handle 6 kids alone, especially not 6 mini Jensen’s and Jared’s,” you chuckled, scooping Zeppelin up and out of his seat, closing the door behind him.

“You got that right,” she laughed, a full sound that bounced off the walls in the entryway as you approached. You opened the door for the kids, watching the older three spill in and head straight for the couch. Gen sat the girls down, letting them roam a bit.

“Alright, JJ, Tom, Shep, c’mere and get your suits so you can get changed. Go downstairs, but don’t go outside yet,” Gen explained, handing each one of the boys a pair of trunks and JJ a rather large bag. It was an overnight bag, you realized. They headed off in different directions, seeming to know the house better than you did.

“They know the rules around here. Jensen’s a wee bit protective if you didn’t notice,” she chuckled, reaching into the other bag and pulling out three swim diapers, one smaller than the others.

You moved to wrangle the girls while she laid out suits, and you managed to herd them over close enough for her to scoop them up and lay them on the bed beside each-other. You laid Zeppelin down and in a bit of an assembly line fashion, the two of you changed their diapers and got them into their suits.

“Man, I forgot how much easier this is with two people.” Gen smiled over at you as you finished adjusting Arrow’s suit around her brace. Luckily for her, it was a mesh material that could get wet. 

“I can’t imagine how you ever got it done alone,” you returned her smile.

“Me either if I’m honest. I’ve already got my suit on, you go get changed and meet us out there!”

By the time that you made it downstairs, the older kids were already splashing around in the water.

"Impressive," you called out.

“We run a tight ship around here.” Gen winked, calling out when she noticed you. She had a bottle of sunscreen in her hands and all three little ones in front of her

“All strong swimmers I assume?” You asked, heading over towards them. 

“Oh yeah, they’ve all been swimming since they were tiny. Even little O can stay up for a few minutes,” she explained, spraying down the twins in sunscreen. It took you a minute to understand that she was talking about Odette, who was eagerly awaiting her turn.

Everything moved like clockwork, and you followed Gen, holding onto Arrow’s hand while she moved to the screened in storage area below the porch, which had a mix of toys for the pool and for the yard. Gen pulled out three matching floats, the little ones with a seat in the middle for toddlers, and the younger ones obviously knew exactly what was going on. This wasn’t their first rodeo, that was for sure.

“I usually just put them in one by one,” Gen explained, carrying the floats over and tossing them in. You didn’t hesitate, jumping in the water and relishing in the cooling effect of the water. It was glorious, and you knew you’d be spending the majority of the remainder of the summer in the pool if you could help it.

When you broke the surface, you pushed your hair back and grabbed the green float, coming over to the edge where Zeppelin was waiting.

“C’mon baby, jump!” You encouraged, holding your arms out. It took him a moment to build up to it, but he leapt into your arms, laughing as he landed in the water. You got him into his float, moving to get the red one next. Odette jumped to you without hesitation and apparently no sense of danger, making you laugh. You’d only known her for a few minutes and you could already tell she was a handful.

Last was Arrow, who was much more weary to jump in. Instead, you took her under the arms and dipped her down in the water before settling her into the blue float. Gen settled on the edge of the pool, keeping an eye on the older kids, who were jumping off of the bridge that went over the pool. You moved the little ones into a line, putting Arrow’s bad arm on your side and holding onto her float instead.

“Okay, everybody hold hands,” you instructed, watching them reach out and hold each other’s hands. You took Odette’s hand and grabbed onto Arrow’s float, starting to spin them around in a circle.

“Hold on tight!” You said over their laughter, which turned into cackles and full belly laughs when you picked up speed. And as the sound filled the summer air, mixed with JJ, Tom and Shep calling out to each other, you knew you’d truly found a home, for the first time in a long time.


	6. chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for all the love guys!!! you all are the best!

You stared at the words you’d typed. _It’s not a big deal. Why are you making this a big deal. It’s a damn shower and he’s not even_ home.

You locked your phone again without sending the message, going back into the living room where Gen was helping the kids get their shoes on. Everyone was worn out by the sun, and it was getting close to dinner time for everyone, which meant all the kids were getting cranky.

“Aunt momma I don’t _wanna_ go. I wanna stay at home,” JJ whined, holding her sandals in her hand. You smiled at her nickname for Gen.

“I know sweetheart, but Ms. Y/N _just_ got moved in, she has to get used to everything before you and the babies can stay.” Gen ruffled her hair, offering a sympathetic smile. You’d talked with her earlier, while the kids were sitting on the grass in their swimsuits eating popsicles. Apparently, JJ was having a lot harder of a time than she was letting on. She’d really taken her mom leaving to heart, and having to be out of her house wasn’t helping things either.

You slid over, helping get shoes onto Odette’s little feet while leaning over to Gen.

“I don’t wanna undermine you, but if you want, JJ can stay here tonight. I don’t know if I’m ready for all three, but I could get to know her, and at least take one off your hands.”

“Are you sure?” Gen asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah for sure.”

“You’re probably right, I bet she would love to have a night without the twins,” Gen murmured, more to herself than to you. Once Odette’s shoes were on you backed up, grabbing the folder of JJ’s forms and handing it to Gen. You watched as she pulled JJ aside, whispering in her ear, presumably telling her that she could stay. Her face lit up and she nodded quickly, a wide smile spreading as she put her hands behind her back, wiggling a bit in excitement.

“Okay Padaleckis, let’s roll out. Bye Y/N, we’ll see you soon!”

“Bye!” You waved, moving over by JJ. The twins went along without protest, holding each other’s hands on the way out. 

“Oh by the way,” Gen popped her head back in the door. “The guys always FaceTime the older kids at 8:45, I’ll let Jensen know to call you instead of me.” 

“Sounds good. Drive safe!” You called after her.

 It was silent for a moment, and you turned to JJ, who was still rocking on her heels a bit, obviously trying to contain her excitement.

“Thanks for letting me stay here with you,” she mumbled out quickly, looking down at her toes. Your heart squeezed a bit at that, and you went over to her, bending down so you were on her level.

“JJ, this is _your_ house, okay? I’m just here to help you and your brother and sister when your daddy is gone.”

“Like Yuli used to?” She asked. You recognized their old nanny’s name immediately.

“Yes, just like Yuli. Is that okay?”

“Yes. I like you more than Yuli I think.” She was very matter of fact about it, and you tried not to let the ego boost get to you. Maybe you were doing something right after all.

“Well that’s very nice of you. Now, are you hungry?”

She nodded, smiling at you.

“Wanna help me make some dinner?” You asked, quirking an eyebrow. To your surprise, her face lit up at that as well.

“I get to help?!”

“Sure, if you want to!” You smiled, a bit confused. “Are you usually not allowed to help?”

“Daddy always lets me help, unless it’s too hot and can burn me, like the grill. But Mommy is always very ‘paricular’ when she cooks,” she explained. The saying had Jensen’s tone all over it, and you could picture him reassuring her after her mother had told her no. It filled you with an anger that you couldn’t fully explain.

“Well, I’d love a helper. C’mon, let’s pick out what you wanna make.”

* * *

 

It caught you off guard when your phone rang, but JJ seemed to know exactly what was going on.

“Daddy!!” She called out, reaching for your phone. Sure enough, the ringing was an incoming FaceTime from Jensen. Unfortunately, your hands were covered in cookie dough.

  
“Okay, okay hold on, gimme a sec.” You scrambled to get a finger clean, resorting to licking it so you could swipe on the screen and answer the call.

“Daddy!” JJ yelled again, and you could see in the tiny rectangle that showed your screen that she was beaming.

“Hey baby!” Jensen’s smile was just as bright, but you gasped involuntarily at the gash that cut across his forehead. He looked badly beaten up, and it caused a twist in your gut that you hadn’t felt before.

“It’s just makeup.” To your surprise, the explanation came from JJ. She turned back to the phone nonchalantly as it clicked. Duh. He was _filming_ , of course he was going to have makeup on, and that included his fake injuries. Your face burned bright red in embarrassment, and you were glad that he was focused on JJ.

“How was your day?” He asked her, sitting his phone down. With a jolt, you realized he was inside the impala on set.

“Good! We went swimming at our house, and Ms. Y/N made popsicles, and then I got to make my own pizza, and now were making cookies!”

“Did _everyone_ go swimming at our house?”

“Yeah, Uncle Jared’s pool is broken, so Ms. Y/N said we could all come over here instead.” You heard him let out a low whistle.

“Dang Y/N, all six of em’ on your first day? You’re a brave woman.”

“I had Gen for back up,” you chuckled, though you were blushing again.

“Still,” he said, shaking his head a bit with a smile.

He turned his attention back to JJ, asking all about her pizza and listening to anything else that she wanted to tell him. You continued scooping out the cookie dough, and you put it into the oven while they talked. Eventually, you heard your name mentioned again, and JJ was passing you the phone. She got down from her seat, sitting down in front of the oven to watch the cookies bake. 

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to check in and see how your move in day went. Did you get settled in okay?” The sincerity in his voice made warmth spead all through you. _Get a grip,_ you told yourself.

“Yeah, it was really great. And it was fun having all the kids here too. I hope it’s okay that I said JJ could stay. I know you haven’t really given me the run-down of their whole routines, but she really wanted to sleep in her own bed I think.”

“Y/N, of course it’s fine. Hell, I can’t thank you enough. I didn’t want you to feel pressured, but she really misses home when she’s gone, even if it’s just down the street at Gen’s. And she’s getting some one on one time with you, which is awesome for her,” he reassured you, and you relaxed, trusting his words.

“I think I might try to bring the twins back for tomorrow night, that way everyone will be here when you get home on Friday.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I _want_ to though. They’re your kids, I know you miss them when you’re gone. And I know they miss you,” you shrugged, swiping a bit of extra cookie dough out of the bowl and eating it. When you looked back at the screen, Jensen’s expression had changed, though you didn’t know him well enough to read it yet.

“If you’re sure you’re up for it, I would love for them to be there when I fly in. I’ll send you a routine of their usual day after we wrap tonight so you’ll have it tomorrow.” He checked his watch, frowning a bit. “Damn, it’s already almost 9. They can only swing giving us 15 minutes to call, so I gotta go.”

You were about to pass the phone to JJ when your question from earlier came back into your mind.

“Oh, before you go. I went into the guest bathroom so I could take a shower, but there was construction stuff everywhere, and in the kid’s bathroom too.” You trailed off, waiting. You’d been so nervous to text him the question earlier, but seeing him face to face put you at ease in a way you couldn’t really explain.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I’ve got somebody working on the bathrooms right now, but he had something come up so he’s a bit behind. They probably won’t be fixed for another month or so. Just put the kids in the tub in the master for now, and you can just use my shower whenever you need to. We’re… um, I’m still working on getting JJ to shower by herself but she’s not quite there yet.”

“Alright well, have a good day filming, I guess you’ll FaceTime tomorrow? Same time?”

“Yeah, they schedule us out a block from 8:45-9 where we can call home each day, so I’ll call in tomorrow.” You heard a loud smack in the background, and Jared popped into frame. You realized the sound had been the door of the impala closing. 

“Hey! You must be Y/N! Nice to virtually meet you, I’m Jared!” He was beaming as he introduced himself.

“Hey, nice to meet you too!” You responded, waving to the camera.

“ _Boys, we gotta get rolling,_ ” you heard an unfamiliar voice. Jensen didn’t even have to tell you. You turned around, handing the phone to JJ. Just as you thought, she seemed to understand exactly what she had to do.

“How many more sleeps Dad?” She asked.

“Just two more baby, then I’ll be home.”

“Okay. I love you to ‘couver and back!” She blew a kiss at the screen, and you smiled when you saw Jensen pretend to catch it and press it to his cheek. He blew one back and she did the same thing, giggling.

“I love you all the way to Texas Birdie. I’ll see you soon! Bye!”

With that he hung up the phone. You had expected JJ to be sad when his face disappeared, but she didn’t seem phased. With a tug at your heart, you realized that she’d been doing this routine for as long as she’d been alive.

So instead of mentioning it you simply sat down on the floor beside her, watching the cookies rise. You talked about 1st grade, and all the things she was excited for when school started up again in a few weeks. Her friends, her teacher, and getting to buy new school outfits made the list, and you listened patiently as she explained how all her friends were going to have unicorn school supplies.

When the cookies were done, you pulled them out and left them to cool on top of the counter for a little bit. JJ helped you pour two glasses of milk, and you ate with smiles and laughter and dunking contests.

Once that was done, you followed her up to her room so she could pick out some pajamas, which were sparkly and covered in unicorns, of course. Next was Jensen’s bathroom, and JJ took her hair out of it’s ponytail while you got the water running. The rubber ducks and various dolls made a lot more sense now as you watched them float and bob in the water as the tub filled. You found some bubble bath stashed behind the tub, and you poured some in while JJ got ready to get in. She couldn’t climb high enough, so you lifted her up into the water and let her splash around while you washed her hair. The shampoo that had been by the bubble bath smelled like strawberries, and it made you smile as you worked it through her thin, blonde hair.

Once you were sure that all the chlorine was off her skin and her hair, you let the water start to go down and went in search of a towel. 

“Mine’s the purple one, in there,” JJ said, pointing to the cabinet on what you assumed had been Danneel’s side of the bathroom. When you opened the door, you knew you were right – the only things in there were the kids towels and a few more toys.

“The blue one is for Zeppy, and the green one is Arrow’s,” she explained, standing up and holding out a hand for her towel. You passed it to her, helping her wrap it around herself before lifting her up and out of the tub. She was going to be a lot of help to you when you were in charge of all three of them, you could tell. You moved the towel up to her head and rubbed it against her hair, making her giggle as you dried it. You tried to ask her something when you were done, but she beat you to it.

“Are you one of Daddy’s friends?” She asked, looking up at you with big brown eyes. Something about her tone made you curious.

“What do you mean by friend?”

“One of the people that knows who he is, and watches him and Uncle Jared’s show. Like the people that ask him for pictures.” Her voice shook a bit as you dried her off quickly, handing her the underwear and gown she’d brought down so she could get dressed. She was talking about fans, you realized. Of course Jensen would come up with another name for them.

“Well, yes, I do watch his show, if that’s what you mean.”

“But you aren’t just here to take a picture and then leave again?” She asked, a bit of apprehension creeping into her voice. 

You moved around to crouch in front of her, running your thumb along her cheek.

“No sweetheart. I’m gonna be here for a while.”

And you meant it. You were getting more attached by the minute, whether you liked it or not. There was no turning back now.

“You promise?”

“I promise, I’m not gonna leave.”

“Okay,” she said matter of factly, as if that was the only confirmation that she needed.

“C’mon sweet girl, let’s go pick out a book and get you to bed.” You smiled as she reached up for you. She settled in your arms, resting her head against your shoulder, her fingers twirling a piece of your hair. By the time you got her upstairs and tucked in, she was already asleep, eyelashes light as they rested just above her cheeks.

You leaned down and kissed her forehead, knowing Jensen would have done it if he was there, before turning off her light and closing the door.


	7. chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! it's almost Jensen's first weekend home, where things are gonna start to pick up! Wooo!!

You were halfway through the list. Surely you could make it. You looked down at Jensen’s scrawled handwriting in the picture on your phone, the routine for the twins scrawled on the back of a script page.

            _6:45 – Z usually up_

_7:00 – A usually up_

_7:30ish – Breakfast. Arrow doesn’t like oranges, but they’ll eat anything else you make them_

_Playtime after breakfast._

_11:00 – Lunch_

_12:30 – Nap time. They’ll sleep for about two hours in their cribs._

_Playtime after they’re up_

_5:45ish – Dinner_

_7:00 – Baths_

_7:30 – Bedtime. I usually read a book for each of them. Z sometimes has to be rocked._

_GOOD LUCK!_

Right now, the thing you were most focused on was upcoming nap time. The kids were screaming – they were happy, giddy screams of excitement from playing, but screams nonetheless. You continued cleaning up after lunch, wiping down the table on the porch while they played inside.

In retrospect, the day hadn’t been _bad_ necessarily. But the jump from just having a well behaved JJ to playing zone defense on the three of them wasn’t easy. You were still trying to figure out the nuances of each kid – what cry was for attention, which ones were serious. And you were hovering more than you usually would, just paranoid that something would happen if you turned your back.

But when you finally joined them to color and noticed the green marker all over Zeppelin’s face, your confidence waivered. How had you missed that?!

“Oh buddy, here, hold on I’ll fix it.” You went to get baby wipes to clean him up, but by the time you got back he was in the mirror, giggling and smiling at himself. Arrow joined him, with a lesser amount of purple marker on her own face.

You took a deep breath. It was just marker. It wasn’t on their clothes, it wasn’t on the couch, and honestly? They were having too much fun for you to tell them off.

“Alright. If you all get to have marker faces, I want a marker face. Who wants to color me?”

JJ was the most excited, so you let her do the left side of your face while the twins did the right side. By the time they were done, they were laughing so hard that you couldn’t help but laugh with them. It was a wholesome sound, and you hadn’t truly let go and just cackled in so long that it almost felt foreign to you.

The only thing that broke you free of it was your phone buzzing – a text from Jensen.

_How’s adding two more players to the field going?_

You giggled. 

“C’mere guys, let’s send a picture to your daddy.”

They eagerly scrambled into your lap, JJ coming up behind you to peak over your shoulder. They were all laughing, and you smiled wide and snapped the picture. You sent it, typing in a quick caption.

 _I think we belong in the MOMA_  

He responded with a heart emoji, then a quick message afterwards.

_Haven’t seen them smiling like that in a while. Miss you all, gotta get back to filming._

You smiled at your phone. 

“Your daddy says he misses you guys!”

“Miss you daddy!” Arrow said, and it pulled at your heart to know that he couldn’t hear her. 

_They miss you too, see you tomorrow_

You couldn’t help but look back at the message he had sent. _Miss you all_. Did that include you? You didn’t have long to think on it, because the time caught your eye. It was almost nap time.

“Alright guys, it’s time to go upstairs. JJ, will you be okay down here for a little while?”

She nodded, so you ruffled her hair a bit and scooped up the twins, carrying them upstairs to their room. You cleaned off their faces , and yours as well. You changed their diapers before putting them back in their cribs and tucking them in. Zeppelin clung to a small blanket, which had a dog on the corner – he carried it with him everywhere. And Arrow was content enough with one of her stuffed animals. They didn’t protest at all, even as you left and closed the door.

Once they woke up 2 hours later, the rest of the evening flew by, with minimal tantrums, and spaghetti for dinner. After that you took them outside, letting them run around and play in the grass. You all climbed on the massive swing that hung from the largest tree in the yard, watching the sunset. Next were baths for the younger ones, which JJ wanted to help with, and then it was off to bed. It all felt like a whirlwind by the time that you were pulling their footie pajamas on.

Zeppelin was already drifting off while you read him a book, his little fingers twirling your hair around and around, the corner of his blanket in his mouth. Arrow was more awake for her book of choice, but she went down without a problem either.

By the time you collapsed onto the couch upstairs next to JJ, you were exhausted.

“JJ, do you wanna watch a movie?” You offered. She nodded, thinking on it for a moment.

“Can we watch daddy’s show instead?”

“Um… I’m not sure about that sweetheart. I don’t know if it’s appropriate,” you hesitated. “Let me ask your dad, and we’ll see what he says.”

You shot the question in a quick text, getting up and pouring yourself a drink in the kitchen. The wine was tempting, but you stuck to water instead. Surprisingly, he answered quickly.

_She probably just wants to watch Scoobynatural. It’s season 13, episode 16. That’s the only one I really let her watch._

With the confirmation set, you went ahead and pulled it up. It was surreal, seeing Jensen’s face on the TV when there were family pictures of him on the mantle below it. You let it play, remembering the first time you had seen the episode. Never in a million years did you think the next time you’d be watching it would be in Jensen’s living room, with his daughter curled up against your side.

JJ laughed along with you for the first few minutes, but about halfway through you looked down to see that she was asleep. You tried to move out from under her, but she clung to your arm, cuddling up to you. Turning down the show, you scooped her up and took her upstairs, laying her down in her bed. 

She settled into the covers comfortably and you kissed her forehead, turning on her nightlight and heading out the door. The wine that had been calling your name earlier sounded like an even better idea now, and you poured yourself a glass before you settled onto the couch, truly relaxing for the first time all day. The next episode had begun to play and you kicked your feet up, watching it with a smile.

You loved all the characters, but you’d always had a big soft spot for Dean. It had a lot to do with how Jensen portrayed him – someone damaged by those around him, but resilient enough to come out on top every time. Dean Winchester had given you hope in some of your darkest times, and you too had come out on top. You sipped at your wine, content with yourself and your thoughts while you continued watching the episode.

The only thing that broke your concentration was your phone ringing. A FaceTime call from Jensen. Crap. You’d completely forgotten he was going to call at 8:45.

You swiped to answer it quickly, putting a smile on your face. He popped up, looking just a gorgeous as ever, green eyes bright even on your screen.

“Hey!” You grinned.

“Hey yourself!” He paused, waiting for you to hand the phone over, but then a soft smile spread across his face. “Let me guess, she’s already asleep, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she knocked out almost an hour ago, they ran around the yard for a few hours after dinner and wore themselves out. Do you want me to wake her up?" 

“No, no need, I’ll just see her tomorrow. I’m sure they wore you out too, huh? How’s the wine?” He had spotted your glass when you moved. You blushed, taking another sip.

“So good. And needed. I’ll buy you some more.”

“Nah, what’s mine is yours. How was the first day with the twins? Everyone still alive?”

Your heart fluttered a bit before you answered with a laugh.

“Happy to report, zero casualties from the Ackles house,” you grinned, giving him a thumbs up. In the moment of silence that followed, you saw his brows furrow. He leaned in closer to his phone, listening.

“Is that… are you watching Supernatural?”

You were sure he could feel the heat from your blush all the way in Vancouver.

“Maybe… in my defense, JJ asked for it!” You resisted the urge to bury your face in your hands. He burst out laughing, a warm smile spreading across his face in the most adorable way. He literally radiated sunshine, you were sure of it.

“So you were just watching it for an hour after she went to bed?” He quirked an eyebrow at you once he stopped laughing.

“Hey, I told you when we met that I was a fan! You can’t hold that against me!”

He held up his hands in innocence, laughing again, that full belly laugh that made your stomach flip a bit.

“You’re too cute. I guess I can accept it, as long as Dean’s your favorite.”

“Hmmm… Sam’s looking like a good option right about now,” you teased. Jensen faked hurt, mimicking stabbing himself in the heart, making you laugh so hard you almost dropped the phone. It took you a moment to realize that he’d just called you cute. Surely you’d heard him wrong. When you looked back at the screen, he was grinning that grin again, and he had the same expression that you hadn’t been able to read the day before.

“When’s your flight come in tomorrow? Do I need to come pick you up?” You asked once you caught your breath.

“It should be landing around 5, so I’ll be home right around dinner. And no need to pick me up, Clif drives us back and forth from the airport. He’ll drop me and Jared off,” Jensen explained.

“Sounds good. Anything specific you want for dinner? I was gonna make tacos.” 

“You don’t have to cook for me.”

“ _Right_ , cause I’m just gonna cook for myself and the kids and sit there and eat it in front of you.” You rolled your eyes a bit at him, making him chuckle.

“Alright alright, tacos sound good. But you’re letting me cook this weekend then.”

“Deal,” you agreed, relaxing back against the couch. “So how was filming today?”

“Really good actually. We shot on location, got some fresh air. Lines went well, we got a few of the scenes on the first take. But enough about that, how were the kids? Were they good?”

“They were a little wild if I’m honest, but that just means they’re being kids and having fun. It’s a big change for them, so I think they were just excited. Of course, I’m sure they’re going to be even more wired tomorrow knowing that you’re coming home.”

“JJ usually is, but the twins don’t get excited until they see me come in the door. 'Row gets it a little more than Zeppelin does, but I don’t think they really notice that I’m gone honestly.” His tone dropped a bit at the end, making you frown. 

“Of course they know that you’re gone Jensen. They miss you, even if they don’t know how to express it yet. Earlier, when I sent that picture, I told them that you said you missed them, and Arrow said ‘miss you daddy’ clear as day,” you told him.

“You told them I said I miss you?” He seemed genuinely surprised.

“Yeah… was I not supposed to?” You got a bit nervous.

“No, no I’m glad you told them. I just… it’s nothing. Nevermind.”

“Jensen what is it?” You were worried now. Had you done something wrong?

“It’s just, well, for the last year or so, I’ve never really known what was going on at home when I was gone filming. Danneel stopped answering calls, or telling stories. I should have seen it as a sign, but I just thought she was busy. And then with Gen watching them, lord knows she doesn’t have time to send updates or anything. It’s just… It’s really nice to hear about, or see what my kids did during the day, since I can’t be there to see it myself. I kinda feel like I’m there, in a way. Like I’m not missing so much.” He had ducked his head, and he was spinning one of Dean’s rings while he spoke.

“So you want me to send more pictures of them? Or videos maybe?”

“You don’t have to do that, I know it’s enough to manage all three of them on your own.” 

“Jensen…” He didn’t look up. “Jensen, hey, look at me.” And across all the miles, he lifted his eyes and they met yours, and you could _feel_ his pain, and his guilt. “You’ve gotta stop feeling guilty for asking for the things you need. If getting a picture of JJ eating cereal in the morning makes you happy, then of course I can send it. It only takes a few seconds, and if that makes you feel more connected to them then I’m happy to do it. It’s _okay_ to need things, like help, or reassurance, or a story about your kids because you miss them. So promise me you’ll stop trying to refuse everything I offer because you don’t want to burden me. First off, it’s my _job_ , and second off, I’m offering because I’m willing to do it. Okay?”

Before he could answer, you heard his call back to set in the moment of silence.

“Yeah Y/N. I promise. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

If you didn’t know better, you would have said it sounded like he was about to cry before he hung up the call.


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, I'm thinking that the next chapter is going to be from Jensen's point of view... let me know what you all think about that in the comments!! yay or nay? again, thank you so much for reading and giving feedback. you guys are the best!

You’d been so worried about the kids being wound up and excited that you hadn’t even realized how excited _you_ would be. You tried to play it off, to pretend like you weren’t counting down the hours until Jensen came home, but you were, and you had been since you’d woken up.

The warm shower hadn’t helped to settle you either, even though the strong water pressure of Jensen’s shower had relaxed your muscles. You towel dried your hair, throwing it up in a bun and putting on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts – you’d make yourself look presentable later. You made your coffee, taking a few sips before leaving it to cool down on the counter while you went upstairs to get the twins out of their cribs.

Jensen had been right. The twins didn’t seem any different than the morning before when they reached up for you with sleepy eyes. You peeked into JJs room, unsurprised to find her fast asleep. Leaving her to sleep in, you headed downstairs in search of your coffee. But by the time you got there, the twins were snuggled up to you so closely that you didn’t have the heart to sit them down.

So instead, you swiped your phone from where you’d left it on the counter and headed for the couch, settling in for some morning snuggles. You moved over so you were half laying down, and Zeppelin climbed on top of you while Arrow snuggled up to your side. Moving as little as possible you held your phone up and snapped a picture, typing out a quick message to Jensen as you sent it.

_Tomorrow morning these cuddles are all yours! Travel safe_

You let them wake up gently for the next ten minutes until you heard the now familiar sound of JJs footsteps on the stairs, signally it was time for breakfast. You put on a show for them to watch while you put together a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon and strawberries. While they ate you tried to come up with a plan to keep them – and you – distracted for the rest of the day. Swimming seemed like the best option to kill some time, considering the Texas heat had come back with a vengeance.

You let them play around for another hour or so while you tidied up the house as much as you could – you wanted it to be clean when Jensen came home. Surprisingly, it looked almost spotless by the time you finished putting all the toys back in their containers. You left them downstairs while you went up to pick out bathing suits for them – a purple one piece for JJ, some tropical shorts and a swim shirt for Zepp, and a matching one piece for Row. Two swimmy diapers in hand, you came back down to get everyone changed, leaving them for another moment to go up to your room and get your own suit on.

It only took a few minutes, and you were quite proud of yourself as you carried the twins downstairs. You were really getting the hang of things it seemed. After liberal amounts of sunscreen for all four of you, you let them out of the doors, filming a quick video of JJ running and jumping into the water to send to Jensen. You only got one float out for the babies, deciding to let one float and to hold the other so they could play a bit more. Zepp went in the float first and you spun Arrow around and around, letting her splash you, her giggles warming up your heart.

You switched the twins in and out of the float every 30 minutes, and you made sure to watch JJ jump in each time she had a new trick to show you (even if she was just jumping in the exact same way every time).

“Can I show daddy?” She asked before one of her jumps, and you snagged your phone from where you’d stored it near the edge, taking a video while you cheered her on. You kept your phone, snapping a few videos of the twins to send to him as well. When you flipped the camera around to show Zepp while you were holding him, you were acutely aware of the fact that you were in a bathing suit, but his adorable little “hi dada!” and wave was too cute not to send.

You splashed around with the kids for another hour or so until everyone was tired and the sunscreen had worn off. The kids were exhausted, so you decided to do a quick lunch of pb&js so you could get the twins down for their nap. Jensen texted back a few hearts while you were passing out sandwiches and apple slices.

_Looks like everyone is having fun. I’m boarding in about 10 minutes._

Lunch was had, and the babies were asleep as soon as you could get them out of their swimsuits and into their cribs. You headed back downstairs, prepared to clean up the table, only to realize that JJ had disappeared.  Trying not to panic, you checked around the living room, then the kitchen and the bar, to no avail. You tried downstairs in the pool room – nothing. You resisted the urge to call out to her, not wanting to wake up the twins, but your heart was starting to race as each place turned out empty.

Finally, you heard a bit of a rustle coming from Jensen’s room. You ran in, relief washing over you immediately when you saw JJ curled up in the middle of her dad’s bed. She had a bundle of fabric in her arms, and it wasn’t until you got to the edge of the bed and sat down that you realized it was one of Jensen’s shirts. You reached over, running your fingers through her hair.

“Hey sweet girl. You okay?”

She shook her head no, burying her face in the fabric.

“Talk to me, tell me what’s wrong,” you encouraged. It took her a moment, but she lifted her head eventually to look at you.

“I miss daddy.”

“I know sweetie, but your daddy is on a plane _right now_ , he’ll be back here for dinner tonight,” you explained.

“Yeah. And he’ll be here for two sleeps, and then he’ll leave again. He always leaves.” Her voice was small when she spoke, and she wouldn’t look at you.

“JJ, he doesn’t _want_ to leave. It makes him really really sad to have to leave you and your brother and sister here. But he has to go to work, and unfortunately, his work is just far away.” You tried your best to explain it in a way she would understand. You had an inkling that this wasn’t the first time she’d had this conversation.

“I wish he had a normal job. Or that we could go with him, like Tom and Shep do with Uncle Jared,” she murmured.

“Tom and Shep go to Vancouver?” You asked.

“Sometimes. But they go other places. To ‘ventions,” she explained. You could remember then, seeing pictures of the Padalecki boys at conventions even when they were tiny. But you’d never seen any pictures of JJ or the twins at a convention. You made a mental note to ask Jensen about that when he got home.

“JJ, did you know that lots of dads have jobs where they’re gone for a long time?” You asked, reaching over to smooth out her hair again. It was soft and fine under your fingers, like the end of a soft paintbrush. She looked up at you and shook her head.

“Lots of times, daddies have hard jobs where they have to be away from their kids all day long, even if they don’t have to fly far away to go to work. Even if your daddy worked in an office in Texas, he would still be gone all day.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm. So I don’t know about you, but _I_ think it’s _super_ cool that your daddy gets to be in movies and tv shows. Not lots of people have dads that are that cool.” You smiled, and breathed a tiny sigh of relief when you saw that she did too.

“Is your dad that cool?”

“Definitely not.” You kept your tone light, though it took a bit of effort. Your dad wasn’t something you liked to think about. Ever.

The two of you sat in silence for a little while, and when you looked back down at her she had dozed off. You gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before you left the room, leaving the door cracked so you could hear her when she woke up. 

You spent the next hour tidying the entire house – you wiped down the table on the porch, and cleaned up all the toys that had been scattered. It was quick work, and you even had time to clean up the pool room downstairs, put in a load of laundry and start to get everything prepped for dinner.

You were chopping up peppers when JJ got up, coming back out and curling up on the couch. You put on a show for her, letting her relax while she woke up. The twins were up soon after her, having woken up early – they could sense the excitement even if they weren’t entirely sure what it was about. You took advantage of their sleepy states, putting them in some cute matching outfits you’d found in the closet. You’d never known denim overalls could be so adorable.

With all their energy renewed, the next few hours were full of giggles and games of tag. You finished prepping everything for dinner, leaving it in the fridge until it was actually time to cook. Checking the clock, you sighed a bit. 5:30. Jensen should be home any time, and you were buzzing in anticipation. You hadn’t really had time to get presentable like you’d planned, but it didn’t matter. The kids were alive and happy, and they were what Jensen was coming home for anyways, not you.

“Tag! Tag!” Zeppelin exclaimed, pulling on your leg to get your attention. Knowing if you didn’t join you’d just be staring at the clock, you decided to join in. Soon, you were having just as much fun as them as they ran around behind you, chasing you through the house. Their squeals of excitement had you laughing along with them. You had JJ on your team, so you put her on your back, making her cackle as you chased the twins around, making grabby hands as if you couldn’t catch them.

As they rounded the corner, you went the other way, surprising them and snatching them up. They squealed, letting out those baby belly laughs that are contagious to everybody.

“I gotcha!” You exclaimed, tickling their sides as JJ laughed in your ear. “Alright, whose it?”

“I’m in.” A new voice said from around the corner. You jumped a bit, holding the twins as you scooted across the floor so you could see around the corner. Jensen was standing in the doorway, the biggest smile on his face, bag on the floor.

“DADDY!” JJ yelled, scrambling off your back and running over to him. He caught her in his arms, scooping her up so he could pepper her face in kisses. She clung to his neck, unwilling to let go as you sat the twins down and sent them in their dad’s direction. He bent down so he could pick them up as well, somehow managing to get all three of them in his arms.

And although their smiles had been big and wide earlier, you hadn’t seen any of the four of them so happy all week. You got up slowly, taking in the sight. 

“Hey,” he grinned over at you, sitting the kids down carefully. 

“Hey yourself. Welcome home.”

He paused at that, a bit of awe crossing his face. “You have no idea how nice it is to hear that,” he said, offering a small smile. The moment hung there, silent, and then it broke just as quickly when he turned his attention back to the kids.

“So how was everybody’s week?” He asked, heading over towards the couch. Unsurprisingly, all three of them scrambled to climb on top of him while they recounted the days he had missed, JJ in long drawn out sentences and the twins in little snippets.

You took the opportunity to start cooking the taco meat, setting out all of the things you’d prepared earlier as they caught up. He was so good at balancing attention between the three of them, and you watched carefully in between setting down bowls and getting out plates so you could copy him later on.

“Most importantly, were you all good for Ms. Y/N?” You heard him ask, making you smile as you stirred the meat around in the skillet. You listened vaguely to their stories about swimming and coloring, playing tag and nap time.

“She read stories,” Zeppelin grinned, pointing over at you.

“She got you to sit still for a story? Well she must be one impressive lady,” he told his son. Luckily, you had your back turned towards the stove so he didn’t see your blush.

“Alright, come and get it,” you exclaimed, laughing a bit when all four of them hopped up off the couch and headed for the kitchen. Jensen took the twins out to the porch, putting them in their high chairs while you helped JJ make her plate. You poured drinks for the kids while Jensen grabbed a beer for himself, and you once you agreed to one. You both loaded up your plates, and you managed to balance yours along with all three of the kids drinks. 

“Damn, what is it, day two and you’re already a professional?”

“What can I say,” you joked as you approached the table, passing them out before settling in your own chair. Jensen poured your beer into a glass, and you noticed the label.

“Is that family business beer?”

“Of course. Have you been out to the brewery?”

“No, but I’ve always wanted to go.” _Never had the money_ was the second part of that sentence, but you omitted it.

“We can go tomorrow if you want. The kids love it out there, and I know the crew would love to see them.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” you smiled, reaching over to help JJ wrap up the back of her taco so the insides of it didn’t spill out. You looked over at Jensen, whose plate was covered in a mixture of beef, lettuce and salsa that had snuck out the back of his tortilla. He looked over at his daughter’s clean plate and frowned, making you laugh.

“Do you need… help?” You asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

“No.” He answered too quickly, and you caught a blush rushing to his cheeks. You rolled your eyes, taking his plate and taco and wrapping it up the way you’d always done your own. He muttered his thanks, making you laugh again. It seemed you were always laughing when he was around. 

The rest of dinner was peaceful, mainly filled with JJ talking about school, which started not that coming Monday, but the one after that. She was more than excited to find out that her classroom was a 1st and 2nd grade shared room, and Tom would be in her class as well. Shep however, wasn’t taking the news of being left behind in kindergarten too well according to Jensen’s reports from Jared.

“Maybe we could invite everyone out to the brewery tomorrow,” you suggested 

“I’ll check in and see. We need to figure out carpooling stuff for the kids anyways with school. Usually one of us picks them up, and the other drops them off. It’s booster seat central. I’ll text Jared after dinner and see what they’re up to tomorrow.”

Clean up was quick, and to your surprise the kids still seemed to be tired even after their naps earlier. But with the chlorine in their hair, baths were inevitable, so you and Jensen set off towards his bathroom, kids in tow. You got them all undressed while he ran the water, snagging the bubble bath you’d used before.

He made putting them in the water a game, dipping their toes in and pulling them back out, making all three of them cackle before they finally settled in. You and Jensen knelt down by the tub, elbows bumping occasionally as you washed each of their hair and made sure they were clean. You let them play until the water began to run cold, making the rubber ducks squeak, or helping the dolls have a ‘spa day’ at JJ’s request. By the time they were done their fingers were pruny as they reached up for you.

When you knelt down in front of Zeppelin, putting his little hooded towel on, he walked towards you, burying his face in your neck. You didn’t care in the slightest that his wet brown hair was dripping on your shirt; you sat down, letting him sit in your lap while you held him and dried him off.

“Are you tired sweetheart?”

He nodded against you, and you smiled a bit.

“Alright well let’s get your pjs on.”

“Row come too,” he murmured against your neck. Jensen was watching you closely, a smile on his face.

“Alright, I’ll take the twins, you got birdie?”

“I see you’ve caught on to the nicknames around here. Yeah, I’ve got her. Yell if you need me.”

“You got it,” you smiled, coming over to scoop up Arrow, who was also wrapped in a towel. You carried them upstairs, putting on their night time diapers and some soft short sleeve pjs. They wanted to read the same book, so you put them each on a leg and sat in the rocking chair in the corner, reading through the story in a soft voice. When you turned the last page, Arrow was already asleep, long eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks. Zeppelin was still awake but fading fast, so you kept rocking, patting his back until he too dozed off. Putting them in cribs wasn’t easy, but you managed it without waking them up and headed out of the nursery.

To your surprise, you ran into Jensen in the hallway, who had a sleeping JJ in his arms.

“I must have really worn them out today,” you whispered.

“I’m just glad she’s sleeping again. It’s been a battle ever since Danneel left,” he said, looking down at her sleeping face. You opened the door for him, watching him tuck her in and kiss her forehead from the doorway.

When he came back towards the door you backed up, pressing your back against the other side of the hallway. He closed the door behind him, but stood in front of it, looking at you curiously.

“Well the kids are asleep. Now the real fun can begin.”


	9. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you all are amazing, thank you for your continuing support!!! this chapter did not turn out the way I intended lol but I'm still happy with it!! let me know what you think! and as always, thank you for reading!

The ‘fun’, it turned out, was a game of checkers.

“You’re kidding, right?” You said, looking at the table where Jensen was setting up the board.

“Hey, don’t knock it till you play it,” he cautioned as you sat down across from him. The sun was setting behind him over the lake, giving him a warm evening glow that made your heart swell. You’d always thought he was attractive, but _jesus_ was he better in person. You watched his lips move as he spoke again. “Checkers is a great conversational game.”

“So we're in for a conversation type of night, huh? If so, I think I need another beer,” you said, standing back up and heading for the kitchen. You grabbed two bottles, bringing them out to the table. He had set the board by the time you got back, and his eyes were on you as you walked.

“Are you okay with a conversation type of night?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow in the adorable way only he could.

“Depends,” you grinned. “What’s the conversation going to be about?”

“Well, we’ve only known each other for what, a week? I’d like to know more about you.”

“And I’d like to know more about you,” you countered. He smiled, warm and bright.

“That’s the general idea. One question per move. Honest answers. Deal?” He held up a hand, pinky sticking out slightly.

“Deal.” You wrapped your pinky around his, a bit unnerved by the butterflies in your stomach. You had nothing to be nervous about. Right?

“Alright. I’ll start. What’s your greatest regret in life?”

You balked. Apparently, you had something to be nervous about after all. But you promised yourself that you would be honest – you weren’t one for lying, or accepting lies from anyone either.

“Not loving myself enough to do what was right for me a long time ago,” you said, watching Jensen’s nimble fingers pick up a checker and move it. You could just barely make out the tan line of where his wedding ring used to be – the lines were almost faded now.

“I’m sorry to hear that. But you’re doing what’s right for you now?” He asked.

“That’s two questions,” you teased, giving him an accusing look. He chuckled at you.

“You drive a hard bargain. Your move.”

You picked up a checker, debating on where to move it to. You didn’t have much experience, and you were probably going to lose, but you had a feeling that the game wasn’t what this was really about anyways. So you moved your piece and voiced your question. “What’s your favorite color?”

It was his turn to balk. He looked up at you, green eye incredulous.

“I ask you that, and you come back with what’s your favorite color? That’s your most pressing question?” His tone wasn’t angry. It was more surprised, as if he had expected you to try to weasel out his darkest secrets at the first chance. With a pang of sadness, you realized a lot of people probably would.

“A favorite color tells a lot about a person.” You defended your question, sipping your beer. It really was good, especially for being bottled from a craft brewery.

“Alright, well, my favorite is orange. Light orange.” That took you by surprise, but you hid it well. “I hope you aren’t psychoanalyzing that. What’s yours?" 

“So eager,” you teased, looking back down at the board. He huffed out a quick laugh, reaching down and making his move, then looking back up at you, awaiting an answer.

“Mine is blue. Like the ocean.”

He paused at that, contemplating for a moment. 

“And I’m supposed to make some big, grand deduction from that?”

“Maybe.” You picked up a checker, moving it to an open spot. “What’s your favorite thing to do with the kids?” 

“I like to spend time with them in general. Just a night in pjs is enough for me. But I really like to take them out on the lake, on our boat. I haven’t been able to do that much though. Can’t really drive and keep three kids from leaning over the edge, yah know?”

You could picture him behind the wheel of a white boat, wind in his hair, sunglasses on. The realization that you could be there right beside him made you smile.

He looked down at the board, contemplating his next move, or question, you couldn’t tell.

“Are you close with your family?” He sat his checker down, leaving you a chance to capture one of his. You looked up to check and see if he had noticed, but he was looking at you, not the board.

“Not really,” you answered quickly, moving to take his piece. “Do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah, older brother Josh, and a younger sister Mackenzie. And I usually count Jared in that bunch as well. I consider Danneel’s brother Gino my brother too. He’s been a bit more… understanding.”

You offered him a sympathetic smile as he moved his piece, but he didn’t see it. He was staring at his hands, as he did anytime he mentioned Danneel.

“Why did you leave your job at the hospital?” He asked. You froze a bit, unsure if you were ready to answer that. You contemplated for a moment, pretending like you were analyzing the board. 

“They weren’t careful enough, and it made me nervous.” It wasn’t a lie, but you knew he wouldn’t assume the correct thing, and it still made you feel guilty to mislead him. He would think you meant the babies safety, when in reality, you meant your own.

“What’s your favorite part about working on Supernatural?” You changed the subject quickly, hoping he hadn’t noticed your hesitation. If he had, he didn’t pry as to why.

“The people. I’ve been working with some of those people for 14 years now, they’ve been there since the start. I consider Dean to be one of those people too. Plus, I really love Vancouver. It’s become like a second home to me.”

“I’ve always wanted to go to Canada,” you mused.

“You’re welcome anytime. I’ve got an apartment up there, just let me know when you want to come visit.” He said it so nonchalantly, as if he were asking if you wanted another beer.

“I might just take you up on that, once I’m comfortable managing three children on an airplane,” you teased. But when you looked up at him, you could tell his invitation still stood even without the kids coming along. It made your stomach twist in that first-crush-oh-my-god-he’s-looking-at-me kinda way that made you a bit dizzy. 

“Why did you accept this job?” Jensen asked, moving and jumping three of your pieces in one go. If you’d been invested in the game, you would have been upset, but you couldn’t care less about the board in front of you.

“For a lot of reasons. Because I missed working with kids. Because I wanted to stay in Austin. Because you needed somebody to help you, and I knew that I could.”

“But why? Why would you want to help me?”

“I don’t know,” you answered, and it wasn’t a cop out either. “I really don’t. I just, trust you. And that’s big, cause I don’t trust people easy.” You were staring at him now, the game between you abandoned.

“I trust you too, which makes no sense, because just about everybody in my life has given me a reason to _not_ trust them. But you’re different.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?” He looked up at you, confused. 

“I’m sorry that people hurt you like that. It sucks, to not be able to trust the people you should be able to trust,” you explained. You wanted to reach out, to put your hand over his and squeeze in reassurance, but you held back.

“You sound like you’re talking from experience.”

“You have no idea,” you muttered, trying not to let the memories creep back in.

“Then tell me. I wanna know everything there is to know.” His voice was earnest, his eyes ablaze with curiosity. And you wanted to tell him, to let him know how you’d been hurt and how you were still scared every minute of every day in the back of your mind. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. It wasn’t fair, to put that on him.

_If you try again, I’ll find you. God help me I will find you._

“Why do you want to know so much about me? You seem awfully invested considering you’ve only known I existed for about a week.” You deflected instead, shivering a bit as the voice rang through your head.

“I wish I knew why. There’s just something about you. I can’t put a finger on it. But I know that I care about you. A lot. And it scares me.”

The blush rushed to your cheeks again, and in the silence you looked down at the board, making a move and taking a few more of his pieces.

“I think it was my turn,” he murmured, watching your hands.

“You asked lots of questions, I get a free turn,” you countered, grinning. You looked up at him, waiting to see his reaction.

“Alright, how about this. I’ll make you a deal. I get to ask three more questions, and you have to answer them completely truthfully, without worrying about what I’m going to think. If you’re honest, you win the game.”

“How will you know I told the truth?” You asked, just for fun. Your heart was racing.

“I’m an actor, I lie for a living. I can see a liar from a mile off. You in?”

“I’m in,” you agreed, swallowing hard.

His eyes were bright again when he looked at you, as if you were the only thing in the world in that moment. The questions, and your responses, came in quick succession.

“Are you single?”

“Yes.”

“Are you looking?”

“Yes." 

“Would I have a shot?” 

“What type of question is that?” You gawked. Surely, _surely_ he didn’t think that you _wouldn’t_ want to date him. You couldn’t fathom that. But when you looked up, you realized that was exactly what was happening.

“I’m sorry, that was inappropriate and unprofessional. I shouldn’t have said anything, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he murmured, eyes trained downwards again, words coming quickly through his nerves.

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. That brought even more worry to his face, but you couldn’t stop. The idea of _Jensen Ackles_ not thinking he was good enough for you just made no logical sense.

“What?” He asked, unable to take it.

“You know, the sooner you realize how amazing you are, the easier it’s going to be around here. _Of course_ you would have a shot. Hell, you’d have more than a shot, if that’s what you really wanted,” you explained in reassurance.

To your surprise, he let out a sigh of relief at your last answer, as if he honestly didn’t think it would be yes. You still couldn’t understand why he would think that, but you didn’t have much time to focus on it. Your heart felt like it was about to explode. You hadn’t been imagining all the little things. He really was interested in you; _very_ interested by the sound of it. Your mind couldn’t wrap itself around the idea, even as you sat there and looked right at him.

“Well, you win,” he said, breathless.

“In more ways than one, I suppose.” You were beaming, your cheeks a bit sore from smiling. You both sat there, watching each other, seeing who was going to make the first move.

And just when you thought you saw him move his hand towards yours, the baby monitor began to crackle, the sound of a cry breaking through the silence. You both let out a breath, the nervous tension fading. 

“Who is that?” You asked. Jensen paused, listening in, distinguishing whose cry it was.

“That’s Row. But they’ll both be up now. I can get ‘em.”

“I’ll come too,” you offered with a smile. With a nod, he came around the table as you stood up. He paused for a moment beside you, holding out his hand – a silent offering.

You slid your hand into his, trying to ignore the way your stomach flipped as he lead you back into the house and up to the nursery. By the time you got there, both the babies were crying. You let go of his hand, heading over to Arrow’s crib and scooping her up while Jensen went to get Zeppelin.

Together the two of you circled around, lulling the babies back to sleep with quiet shushes and gentle pats, until they were breathing slow and deep again.

As you walked, you couldn’t help but look down at Arrow, thinking about how much she already meant to you. How had you only known her sweet face for a little over a week? The thought of being without her – without any of the kids, or Jensen – made your stomach hurt. 

“We’ll take it slow, okay? We have to test it out, and make sure it’ll work. I don’t wanna mess this up, for us or for the kids. Deal?” You whispered.

“Deal,” Jensen said, and in the soft glow of the nightlight in the corner, you could see his smile.


	10. chapter ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tenth chapter, and my first attempt at jensen's pov, which is a bit weird in the third person but I like it!! I'll be incorporating it throughout the series more :) thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!

**jensen’s pov:**

Unfamiliar footsteps were never a good sign in the house, especially when the sun had just barely come up. On instinct, Jensen’s eyes flickered to the alarm system. Still armed. But the sound continued anyways.

The culprit came around the corner, hair in a bit of a mess, one hand up rubbing at her eye.

Y/N.

His body wasn’t quite sure how to react. Half of him relaxed, because she was familiar and she was safe. But the other half spiked in nervous excitement. He tried to play it off, picking up his coffee and watching her carefully.

There was always a bit of a guard up with Y/N. It wasn’t intentional, or malevolent, but it was still noticeable. But now, in the early morning, it was nowhere to be seen as she trudged slowly down the hallway towards the kitchen.

“What’re you doing up sweetheart?” Jensen asked. She startled slightly – she obviously hadn’t seen him standing there. She stared directly at him, narrowing her eyes.

“Did you just call me sweetheart?” She asked, taking him off guard. It seemed that was one of her many skills. “You sound like Dean.”

“Oddly enough, I get that a lot,” Jensen grinned. Y/N scowled, and he thought he saw her fingers twitch towards the counter, looking for something to throw at him.

_So, not a morning person. Noted._

“Really though, why are you awake so early?” 

“I assumed there were tiny humans that needed me,” Y/N mumbled.

“I can handle the tiny humans. Go back to sleep for a little while. I’ll have breakfast ready at 8.” He offered.

“Sleep. Yeah, I can do sleep.” And with that she turned back around, going down the hall to her room. He watched her go, smiling at the slight swing of her hips as she went. He was in so deep it wasn’t even funny.

His phone buzzed on the counter, and he went to check it, shaking the thought from his head. A text from Jared waited on his screen. It didn’t surprise him that he was up early – they were always up at the crack of dawn for hair and makeup anyways.

_Still on for fbbc today? Gen and the kids are in._

_Yeah, we’ll probably leave here around noon._  

_We’ll do the same. See you then._

Jensen put the phone back down, turning on some quiet music and starting to prep breakfast. He was used to making pancakes on his weekends off – pancake Saturday had been a tradition he’d started with Danneel when JJ was born. He’d kept it going for the kids, though for the first few months, just the smell of the batter made him nauseous.

Those months had been the hardest of his life. In retrospect, he’d seen the signs that she was going to leave. But he hadn’t expected it to be so sudden – if not for his benefit, then for the kids. He could still hear JJ asking where her mom was, and the babies crying out for mommy while he held them and tried to soothe them. And even if those things had stopped happening, he would never forget them for as long as he lived.

But the change he had already seen in them since Y/N had come into the house was something he would never forget either. It was like they were new kids; excited, and happy and ready to play like they used to. It was something he would never be able to repay Y/N for, no matter how hard he tried.

So instead, he settled on letting her sleep and handling the morning with the kids. The twins slept a little later than usual considering they were up in the night, so all three woke up around the same time. He paused from mixing the batter and went up to get them, carrying all three down the stairs to the kitchen.

He put on a show for the twins, sitting them on the couch with their blankets. JJ followed him back into the kitchen, so he sat her up on the counter so she could help.

“What kind of pancake do you want birdie?”

“Chocolate chip!” She answered.

“With strawberries?” He knew the answer, but he asked anyways, just to see her get excited as she nodded yes. Their orders were always the same. Chocolate chip for JJ and Zeppelin, blueberry for himself and Arrow. He was oddly excited to see which one of them Y/N would pick.

He didn’t have to wait long for his answer. She came downstairs, looking a bit more awake than before.

“Ms. Y/N!” JJ squealed, reaching her arms out as Y/N rounded the corner. Her face immediately lit up at the sight of JJ, and she scooped her up off the counter. JJ wrapped her arms and legs around her, clinging on as if she’d known the woman her whole life. Y/N smiled at him over his little girl’s shoulder, and it took everything in him not to lean over and kiss her right then and there.

Slow. Take it slow. He was beginning to regret agreeing to that. Y/N shifted JJ so she could look at her.

“So what’s your daddy making for breakfast?”

“It’s Saturday!” JJ said, as if it answered all the questions in the world.

“Birdie, Y/N doesn’t know about pancake Saturday. It’s her first one,” he explained. “Speaking of which, what do you like in your pancakes?”

“What are my options?”

“Well, it’s plain batter, and I usually add either chocolate chips or blueberries.”

“Surprise me,” she smiled, skirting past him towards the couch. “Where are my babies? There they are!”

Jensen smiled as he heard the twins giggle at the sight of Y/N. She reached down to tickle their bellies, only making the laughter grow. She played with them on the couch while JJ helped him flip the pancakes one by one until the stack was finished. He made himself another coffee, and one for Y/N too before he called everyone over for breakfast.

“So what’s my surprise, hmm?” Y/N asked.

“Well, coffee for starters,” Jensen grinned, passing her drink to her. She wrapped her fingers around the warm mug, humming to herself in the most adorable way.

“I like the way you think Ackles.” She took a sip, smirking up at him before moving to the table.

They all ate quickly, the kids waving around sticky fingers from the syrup. He had made Y/N one of each type of pancake, and she ate them quietly, just watching the kids and helping when they needed it.

When breakfast was finished and all traces of syrup were gone, it was time to get ready for the day.

“Alright guys, we’re going out to the brewery today,” Jensen announced, smiling as he saw the kids light up in excitement. “ _And_ Uncle Jared and Aunt Momma will be there too!”

“Will Uncle Gino be there? Can I pick my outfit?”

“No honey, I don’t think he’s working today. And yeah, you pick whatever you wanna wear, but you have to wear tennis shoes. I don’t want you to get blisters like last time,” he reminded her, though he wouldn’t mind to carry her like he did last time.

At that, she took off up the stairs towards her room, leaving the four of them downstairs.

“I’ll get the twins ready, you finish off your coffee,” he offered, smiling over at Y/N. She was holding Zepp, dancing around with him in the kitchen.

“I can help.”

“I’ve got it Y/N. Just go get ready,” he insisted, shaking his head. He took a few steps over towards her, holding out his hands for his son. She frowned a bit, passing him over, taking a step closer.

He couldn’t help it – he was close enough to smell her shampoo, to feel her warmth. It was natural to lean in a bit, to move for the kiss. He watched her lips, waiting for her to stop him. And to his amazement, she stepped up on her toes, leaning to meet him…

And pressed a kiss to Zeppelin’s cheek, making him giggle and curl up towards his dad.

“ _Slow_ , remember?” She whispered, looking at him with a sense of mischief that made his stomach fill with butterflies. He sighed, throwing his head back. _Stupid, stupid deal._

She took a few steps back, grinning before she moved to pass him, headed for the stairs. Slowly, she looked back at him, cocking her head to the side as she did.

“What?” He asked, trying to get a read on what she was thinking.

“I just turned down a kiss from Jensen Ackles. _Ha!_ What the hell!?” She beamed, shaking her head and disappearing up the stairs, leaving him half confused, and half amazed.

* * *

Jensen wasn't sure they could have picked a better day for a visit to the brewery. It was like he had imagined it when he’d picked out this land – sunny, with a  nice breeze rustling the leaves of the trees above them. He sat on the bench, Arrow on his lap coloring away while Zeppelin slept in the stroller beside him. Odette was asleep as well, Gen using her foot to move the stroller she was in back and forth, keeping her soothed.

He watched the playground closely, seeing JJ running around chasing Tom and Shep while Jared and Y/N kept an eye on them. Y/N looked tiny standing next to Jared, but then again, pretty much everyone was dwarfed by his best friend. She was beaming up at him and they were laughing about something he couldn’t hear, breaking off their conversation to help the kids across the monkey bars, or to join in the game of tag. He watched Y/N run around, scooping up JJ and hugging her, both of them beaming. She was so pretty it _hurt_ , and the intensity of it scared him. He hadn’t felt that way about someone new so quickly, so _deeply_ , in a long time.

“You’re drooling.” Gen’s voice broke through his thoughts, and when he looked over she was smirking behind her beer.

“Oh shut up,” Jensen groaned, but he knew it was true. Gen was one of his best friends, and he knew she would see right through him.

“I approve, if you were wondering. She’s good with the kids, mine and yours. I wouldn’t mind having some more estrogen around.”

“She’s the nanny,” he muttered, handing Arrow another crayon she wanted. With her sling on, she couldn’t get them out of the box without help.

“Uh-huh. Right.”

Jensen just sighed, looking down at what Arrow was coloring – a seascape, with turtles and fish. Surprisingly, she was coloring mostly within the lines while she babbled, and seemed to have no qualms about being left to sit with her dad since she couldn’t climb much of the playground with one arm. He’d be glad when they could take the sling off, and she could get back to running around more with the older kids.

“It’s okay you know. No one gets to tell you how long you have to wait to move on. That’s your choice. So if you’re ready, then I say go for it,” Gen said, knowing he was still listening as he picked up a crayon and started to color in some coral.

“You really think so?” 

“Jensen, this last week you’ve seemed more like yourself than you have in months. We’ve been worried about you ever since she left, but you’ve been smiling more. Jared said you were better at work, you were less stressed out. Even JJ seems happier. And that’s all we want Jay. We just want you to be happy, okay?”

“You don’t think it’s too fast? I mean, we’ve only known each other for a week,” he muttered. He wasn’t going to tell her about the conversation they’d had the night before. It still made him a bit giddy every time he talked about it.

“Nah. Life is short, we’re getting old. I’d say go for it. Only thing I would say is to be careful with the kids, just in case something were to happen. They’re just bouncing back from Dee leaving, JJ especially.” Gen sighed, eyes going back to Jensen’s daughter, watching Jared put her on his shoulders so she could do the monkey bars. He was glad, because she missed when he flinched at the sound of Danneel’s nickname.

“You’re pretty smart you know,” Jensen teased.

“Aunt Momma smart,” Arrow mimicked, sticking out her tongue as she worked on her page. He leaned down and kissed the top of his daughter’s head.

“You’re darn right she is,” Gen grinned, holding out her hands for Arrow. “Now, gimme that cutie and go get your girl.”

* * *

 

“Okay, so tilt your glass like this,” he guided Y/N, hand over hand as she held the beer glass under the spout. “And then when you get towards the top, you tilt it back up so there’s a good head on there.”

While Jared and Gen watched the kids, he'd decided to take Y/N on a tour of the brewery, and he was finishing off with the bar. He let her do the work – he was more focused on the fact that her back was settled against his chest, her leg in line with his as she stood just barely in front of him. It was the closest they’d been yet, and he was trying to catch his breath.

“Ta-dah!” She exclaimed, displaying her pour proudly before taking a sip, leaving a frothy mustache on her top lip. And just like that, she was more adorable, which he hadn’t realized was possible.

“You’re a mess,” he joked, moving over to wipe her upper lip with his thumb. His fingers ended up beneath her chin, and it would have been so easy to just tilt her face up, to lean down and press his lips to hers. “Is the slow rule still in affect if we’re alone?”

“Yes,” she whispered, but he could see that her hands were shaking, the beer in her glass quivering.

“You’re an evil little munchkin, you know that?”

At that, she quirked an incredulous eyebrow, taking a step back. 

“Did you just call me _munchkin?_ ”

“Hey, I tried to call you sweetheart earlier and that one didn’t fly, and I can’t call you baby cause that’s my car. What’s a guy to do?”

“Hmmm, I’d say pick literally any other pet name than munchkin,” she suggested, sarcasm thick. He just grinned.

“Nah, I like munchkin. I think I’ll keep it. It has a nice ring to it.”

She squinted her eyes at him accusingly for a moment, contemplating.

“If I kiss you, will you change your mind?" 

It was tempting, _beyond_ tempting, but he knew two could play at that game.

“Hmmm. Tough bargain. But, everything worth having is worth waiting for munchkin,” he teased.

“UGH. You’re the worst,” she grumbled, pouting a bit.

“I know. Now c’mon, let’s go home.”


	11. chapter eleven

It didn’t matter how much you loved the kids – the evening was now your new favorite time. Ever. It was partially because you knew the kids were resting, safe and warm in their beds. It was also partially due to the beautiful sunset over the lake that you’d gotten accustomed to watching from the porch.

But it had a whole lot to do with Jensen being next to you. It was just so natural with him; it felt like breathing. You were curled at his side in your pajamas, blanket thrown over the two of you as you watched _Avengers_ on the tv upstairs. He had an arm around your shoulders, his fingers tracing patterns on your bare arm as you both watched the action unfold.

“I can’t imagine the stunt work they had to do for this. Jeez,” he muttered after watching one of the fight scenes.

“You must watch tv and movies a lot different than everyone else. I guess it’s an actor thing.”

He paused for a moment after that, and you could hear the rain beginning to pound against the roof. A thunderstorm was moving through Austin, projected to last through the night.

“Do you mind? You know, the _actor_ thing?” He asked, curious.

“Of course not. If you were a teacher, I’m sure you’d have _teacher_ things. It was just an observation. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I’ve never really dated anyone who wasn’t in the entertainment industry in some way. They all always understood because they had been through similar stuff. I guess I was just curious to how it looks from the outside,” he said, holding your hand and playing with your fingers.

“I see you working long hours, I see you missing your family. I see you rehearsing your lines when you don’t think anyone’s watching –‘

“I do not!” He protested.

“You were muttering about the impala and an angel blade in the car,” you countered, smirking at him. He was quiet after that. “Those aren’t bad things Jensen. We all do them if we care about our jobs.”

“So you went around muttering about imaginary scenarios while you were a nurse?”

“Sure I did. Maybe not in the same way, but I thought about the conversations I had. How I told parents bad news, how I could have done it better. I worried about the babies I was taking care of, worried that no one was paying attention to them. I worked 12 hour shifts four days in a row and spent the 12 hours in between each one worrying about what I left behind at work. If I’d had a family at home, I would have been worried about them too. But I did what I had to do, because that’s what it means to have a job. And that’s what you do. You do what you have to, to provide for yourself and your family. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Although none of it was heavy hitting, it felt good to get it all off your chest. But his silence worried you, and you looked up from where you’d been picking at the lint on the blanket. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it wasn’t what you got. 

He was staring at you intensely, as if he was trying to figure out some grand question. You let him stare for a while as the thunder began to crack outside, lighting flashing through the windows.

“What?” You finally asked, feeling the blush beginning to creep into your cheeks. He was silent for another breath, and then finally, he spoke.

“Screw going slow.”

And then his lips were on yours.

You were glad you had waited to kiss him, because now that you had, you weren’t sure how you were ever going to stop. Every romance novel, every cheesy love song that you’d blown off in the past made sense now. You’d never realized how two people could just _fit_ until then. His lips were pillow soft, his kiss gentle enough to give you choice, but strong enough to make you want to melt. He knew what he was doing, that was for damn sure.

When you pulled away, you were breathless. Somehow, your hands had ended up balled up in the front of his fbbc shirt. You let the soft fabric slid back through your fingers, daring to look up at him. Jensen’s green eyes were glowing, and he looked more alive than you’d ever seen him.

“Worth the wait?” You asked, a breathless laugh escaping with it.

“You have no idea. Where have you been my whole life?” He asked, breathing just as hard as you were.

“Just across town in a really small apartment, third building on the second flo-“

He silenced you with another kiss, and you could feel his smile. The kiss was slower this time, the nerves fading as you both explored each other. He leaned over, shifting so he could get a better angle. You gasped a bit when his hand snaked around your back, pressing you closer against him. You were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours, the little giggles that slipped through at the whole absurdity of it all. But not so lost that you didn’t hear the footsteps.

“Hey hey, shh. I think we have company,” you whispered, having to push a bit on his shoulder to get him to pause. Sure enough, the footsteps continued, and in the most comical way Jensen slithered back to where he had been on the couch originally, putting space between the two of you before he dared to look over the back of the couch. But the panic that crossed his face made your hair stand up. And then you heard the cries. 

Jensen jumped to his feet and was around the couch in an instant. To your surprise, it wasn’t JJ standing there with a tiny blanket – it was Zeppelin.

Immediately, Jensen was there, scooping him up and checking him over for bumps and bruises as he cried. You got to your feet, rushing over as Jensen tried to soothe him.

“Hey buddy, shhhh it’s alright, it’s okay, are you hurt?” He said.

Zeppelin shook his head no, rubbing at his eyes with his blanket – you recognized it immediately as the dog one he carried with him everywhere. He curled up into his dad’s shoulder, clinging to his shirt.

“Sweetheart, how’d you get out of your crib?”

“I climbed,” he murmured, voice rough. It struck you then, why Jensen had been so worried. Zeppelin had climbed out of his crib, gotten out the nursery door, come down the stairs, and then back up the separate flight in search of Jensen.

“You know if you cry daddy would have come to get you. If you climb out like that, you could get hurt,” Jensen explained, but he was still too worried to be firm. You reached over and rubbed a hand over Zeppelin’s back. He peeked up from his dad’s shoulder to look at you, eyes still teary. 

“Why’d you get up baby?” You asked him quietly.

“The storm scary,” he whispered, fist tightening in Jensen’s shirt again. You nodded in understanding. “I stay with you.”

“Alright buddy, you can stay out here with us for a little while, okay? There’s nothing to be afraid of." 

By the time you got back over to the couch, the movie credits were rolling. You clicked the tv off, a pang of sadness in your heart as you saw how scared Zeppelin still was. He was still crying as the storm kicked on, even as Jensen held him tightly and pressed kisses to his head. To drown out the rain, and make the thunder a bit less startling, you walked over to the record player and clicked on the first record. You could tell it was an old one, and it was confirmed when Garth Brooks started to play. You weren’t a country music fan per say, but you could appreciate the classics, so you let it be. 

Heading back to the couch, you watched as Jensen cradled his son against him. Zepp rested his head on Jensen’s shoulder, his free arm wrapped around his dad’s neck as if to keep him there. Jensen reached behind himself and grabbed a blanket. He draped it over Zeppelin, rocking back and forth gently on the cushion. The toddler’s eyes were already beginning to close again, but when Jensen started to sing along quietly to the music, he was instantly asleep. Jensen finished off the song before he leaned back, trying to see his son’s face.

“He’s out,” you confirmed. Jensen relaxed a bit, then stood up.

“I’m gonna go put him back in bed. I guess I’ve gotta start on getting them used to their own rooms, and their big beds.”

“ _We._ We’ve gotta get them used to it,” you corrected gently. He smiled softly at you. 

“Thank god for that. Alright, I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” he whispered, putting a hand on Zeppelin’s back and heading down the stairs. He was back almost immediately, and there was a bit of mischief in his eyes.

“No problem with the crib transfer huh?” You teased from your spot on the couch.

“I’m a seasoned professional at this point, since I used to do it with just one arm,” he joked as he came over to the front of the couch. You scooched over, making room for him, but he didn’t move to sit. Instead, he held out a hand for you. You quirked an eyebrow. 

“Wanna dance?”

“I’m a terrible dancer,” you protested, blushing for what felt like the hundredth time that day. 

“S’okay. I’ll teach you. C’mere,” he said, wiggling his fingers until you reached up and took his hand. He grinned, pulling you up and against him before leading you over to the hardwood floor beside the hallway. It was a small dance floor, but it would suffice. Besides, he was holding you so close you didn’t really need the space anyways.

You had to reach a bit to put your arms around his neck and he chuckled at you.

“See, this is why I call you munchkin. You’re so tiny.”

“Anyone would be tiny next to you, you’re like six foot,” you muttered, poking out your tongue at him. He laughed, tossing his head back a bit as you swayed together. When he looked back at you, he stared for a moment, then dipped down to press his lips to yours. It was a sweet kiss, and it warmed you up from your head to your toes. This was living, you were sure of it.

When he pulled away, he was singing along again, deep and quiet, but still on pitch. You hadn’t heard him sing much in person, just a little on the way to the brewery, but you could tell that he enjoyed it immensely.

“You know every word to this whole album, don’t you?” You asked.

“Course I do. Garth Brooks is my man, and one of the greatest artists of country music. Do you listen to country?”

“Not particularly, but I don’t mind the good stuff. I could adjust.”

“Danneel always hated country music. She never even wanted me to play it,” Jensen muttered, more to himself than to you. When he realized he’d said it out loud, he balked. “Oh god. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” You leaned back a bit, his hands on your waist supporting you as you looked at him.

“For talking about her, while I’m dancing with you. I shouldn’t be thinking about her.”

“Jen I’d be a little bit worried if you _weren’t_ thinking about her. I mean, I’m assuming you haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since her, right?”

“No. I mean, not till you,” he corrected. Your heart fluttered.

“Then it’s completely natural for you to be thinking about her, and how you all probably did this a lot. It’s normal to miss that a little bit,” you reassured him.

“I don’t miss it. I might miss the familiarity of it, but I think I’m starting to realize I don’t miss her like I thought I did. But I feel like I’ve been with you for years already, and it’s only been a few days. You’re already familiar to me. Besides, you let me listen to good music.” He lightened the mood a bit, and you decided to leave it there.

“Well, if we're acting like we’ve been in a relationship for years now, then we should be being responsible and doing boring, mundane things instead of dancing the night away,” you teased.

“Boring responsible things like what?”

“Talking about the kids,” you suggested. “I mean, I am the nanny after all.”

“About that, I realized I probably need to pay you soon. I was thinking of just leaving you with one of my cards. You can use it for whatever you need, and whatever you want too.”

“I’m gonna spend all your money,” you joked.

“Go for it.”

You spent the rest of the dance talking about anything and everything, from JJ starting school to future filming schedules, all the way to planning a trip to see the Dallas aquarium. It only halted when there was a pause in the conversation and you realized it was silent apart from the rain.

You’d danced through the whole album without even realizing it.

“We’ve gotta go to bed, the kids are gonna be up early,” you muttered, but you didn’t want to move an inch from where you were. His hands squeezed you gently, echoing the same sentiment.

“Can I be bold for a minute? You can tell me no.” Jensen was hesitant.

“Go for it.” You quoted him from earlier.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?”

You gawked.

“ _Huh?_ ” was the only word you could form.

“Oh no, no no not like _that_. I just meant in bed with me. Like beside each other. I sleep better with somebody next to me. I’ve missed it,” he confessed.

“Are you sure?” You asked. Before he could answer, a crack of thunder shook the whole house. Jensen jumped, letting out a little yelp. And it clicked.

“Wait a minute… _are you scared of storms_? Is that why you want me to sleep with you?”

“Zepp gets it honest,” Jensen admitted, blushing all the way up to his ears.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you from the big bad clouds in the sky. C’mon, let’s go to bed,” you teased, taking his hand and leading him downstairs to his room. He didn’t let you go until you entered the room, where he paused by the door.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, nervous that he was having second thoughts.

“I just usually don’t sleep in jeans,” he said, looking down at himself. You’d forgotten he was in his normal clothes. He looked up at you, asking.

“Just wear whatever you usually wear,” you reassured him, turning your back and going to the bed. You climbed into the left side, snuggling down into the covers. It was much more comfortable than the guest bed, and you were instantly tired. Not tired enough to close your eyes though, especially with the view you were getting as Jensen undid his belt, shimmying his jeans to the floor.

“You’re staring,” he grinned over at you as he tossed the pants in the general vicinity of the closet.

“Hey, you invited me to your room, I’m gonna enjoy the show,” you countered. He laughed, sliding his shirt off until he was left in just his boxers. It was a sight to behold – he was firm in all the right places, but just soft enough for you to realize he didn’t spend his life in the gym.

You watched as he climbed into the other side of the bed, settling in and getting comfortable. It was a king size bed, and there was a foot of space in between you. The room was silent apart from the storm and the buzz of the fan in the corner. Finally, after about a minute, he broke the silence.

“How’re you gonna protect me from all the way over there?”

You took the invitation, sliding over until your body met his. You curled up against him, fingers tracing over his bare skin as you settled against his side.

“Better?” You asked.

“Much better. Get some sleep Y/N, I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that you closed your eyes, unsure that your dreams could possibly top the night you’d just had.


	12. chapter twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little note, I remember a long time ago, when JJ was little, Jensen was talking about saying bye to her. He said for no apparent reason, she told him to "watch out for the rocks". So that's the backstory of that part of the chapter :) as always, thank you for the support!!

You had never really had a problem with goodbyes. Especially in the later parts of your life, when you’d learn to say no and do what was best for you, it hadn’t been so hard to say goodbye to those around you – your family, your friends. You’d started an entirely different life in a new city, and said goodbye to everyone and everything you’d ever known without much of a problem.

But you were eight hours away from goodbye and you were already dreading it.

Though, it was hard to focus on that when there were lips on yours, warm and gentle as the morning. Jensen had wrapped you up in his arms as an alarm, pressing kisses to the back of your neck until you had rolled over and kissed him properly. By the time you broke away, your head was spinning.

“The babies are up,” he whispered in your ear.

“How do you know that?” You couldn’t hear anything.

“Call it a dad sense,” he grinned, pressing another kiss to your lips before he tossed the covers back and rolled out of bed. You grumbled a bit to yourself and heard him laugh at your protest. He crawled back over the covers as you burrowed underneath them, pulling them up to your chin.

“What’s wrong munchkin?” He said, hovering above you.

“Stay,” you whined. He smiled a sad smile and kissed your forehead.

“The tiny humans are calling,” he reminded you and you sighed, giving in. “If you wanna stay in bed longer, I can bring you your coffee in here.”

You shook your head. Wherever he was going, you were going to follow; if eight hours was all you had left then you were going to make the most of it. But that didn’t change the fact that you needed a shower, desperately.

“I’ll be out there in 10 minutes to help, just gotta shower first,” you explained. He captured your lips one more time, as if to last him the ten minutes, then climbed off the bed and headed for the door. When he opened it, you could hear the kids yelling for him.

“Daddy’s comin’, daddy’s comin’,” he called back before he disappeared out the door. You stretched out and headed for the shower, reminiscing on the night. It was the best sleep you’d had in weeks, and when you’d woken up during the storm and tugged on Jensen’s arm he’d rolled over and pulled you closer to him. Just the thought of it made your skin tingle with warmth.

You could hear the kids over the sound of the water on the tile, and by the time you were done and drying off they were laughing and yelling. You got ready quickly, throwing your hair up in a bun and heading out to join in on the fun. When you rounded the corner, the living room was alive with toys and coloring books, a show on in the background while Jensen cut up a pineapple in the kitchen. 

Zeppelin was the first to notice your entrance and he squealed, running over to you with his arms up high. You scooped him up, kissing on his face and squeezing him tight as you continued on towards the kitchen. 

“Morning,” Jensen grinned, passing you a mug of coffee. It was still warm somehow, but you didn’t question it. Instead you shifted Zeppelin onto your hip and took a sip.

“Hey Zep, what’s her name?” Jensen said, pointing towards you. Zeppelin smiled and wrapped an arm around your neck, hiding his face. But you still heard what he said.

“Momma Y/N.”

You almost spit your coffee all over the table. You struggled through the swallow, looking over at Jensen with wide eyes. He held up his hands in innocence.

“That’s all him. I got him out of his crib this morning and he asked me where ‘momma Y/N’ was,” he explained. There was a sense of elation in his voice, and it made your heart flutter.

“Are you okay with him calling me that? Because if he starts to you know Row won’t be far behind, and JJ might pick it up too.” 

“As long as you’re comfortable with it. I mean, they call Gen ‘aunt momma’, and they called Yuli mom when they were too little to know the difference. I don’t see the harm in it.” He shrugged, popping a piece of pineapple in his mouth before he started to separate it onto different plates.

The morning went by much too quickly, with breakfast flying by without incident. Jensen disappeared for a few minutes after he helped you clean up, and it wasn’t until you heard the zipping of suitcases that you realized he was packing. You were glad the kids didn’t hear. But as the day moved on, you could tell they knew what was coming. Arrow was clingier than usual, wanting to be carried all around the house. Zeppelin wasn’t far behind them, tugging on Jensen’s leg whenever he would stand up to do something

JJ however had the opposite reaction. The usually bubbly, happy girl had gone quiet, playing with her magnetic pieces and building towers on the table away from everyone else. When you managed to coax Arrow off of Jensen, you nodded towards his oldest.

“Go hang out with JJ for a while, I’ll handle the twins,” you murmured.

 _Thank you_ , he mouthed, standing up and heading over to her. She lit up at the one on one attention while you kept the twins entertained with the fake kitchen. Arrow was getting better with her arm, and you knew that her fracture was almost healed already – it had been minor after all. You made a mental note to take her back for her check up with the doctor that week. As you sat there at the table, you snagged a spare piece of paper and a crayon, scribbling out the list of all the things you needed to do that week.

_Take Row to the doctor_

_Back to school shopping for JJ_

_Grocery shopping_

_Work on getting the twins into their own beds_

_Potty training??_

 

“Well you must be superwoman if you plan on getting all that done this week,” Jensen said, coming over with JJ on his back. 

“Are you underestimating me Ackles?” You questioned.

“Of course not. I just know I’d never be able to do it. You really wanna try to tackle potty training with them?”

“I might give it a shot and see if they’re ready,” you shrugged.

“Can I help you shop for food on your phone?” JJ asked from Jensen’s back.

“On my phone?” You questioned, looking to Jensen. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot. We get our groceries delivered. I’ll send you the link to where we shop, just get whatever you need for everybody for the week. They come in a day,” he explained, as if it was the most normal thing. Celebrity perks, you supposed.

Before you knew it, it was time for lunch. You kept it simple, making sandwiches for everyone. Jensen was more than happy with a pb&j, and you smiled when he got jelly on his cheek, just like his daughter beside him. Gen texted you while you were cleaning up, and you smiled as you read the message.

_Just an update on the plan from the house of chaos. I’m taking the boys back to school shopping tomorrow. If you want to bring JJ along you’re more than welcome to join. The twins can stay with our nanny while we’re gone. I was also planning on doing the zoo on Friday morning as a last summer thing before they start school. Let me know if you wanna join in!_

You shot back a text saying you’d love to be there for both, and as you sent it you felt two hands on your hips from behind. You relaxed into Jensen’s touch, though you were very aware of the fact that the kids were near. But when you looked, they were all headed to the bathroom to wash their hands.

“You’re amazing with them, you know that?” He murmured to you. 

“Says you,” you teased, but the compliment made you feel bubbly inside. You weren’t used to getting praise, from anyone.

“God I don’t wanna leave,” he whispered, sending chills down your spine.

“Believe me, I don’t want you to go. But we still have a few hours,” you reminded him. It was futile – you were already missing him and he wasn’t even gone yet.

“I could always just stay here for the week. They’d survive without me,” he pondered.

“Right, and have Dean written out of an episode? The fans would kill me.”

The kids came back then, hands dripping. Jensen moved a step to the side with a sigh. You felt it too, but it was way too early to tell the kids, and you both knew it. Being so close to him but having to keep your space was like torture, so you moved away, going to play with the twins before it was time for their nap.

They seemed anxious, as if they knew what was coming – even if they didn’t, they could sense the dread that was beginning to hang over the house. They didn’t want much to do you with you, their focus on Jensen until the clock struck 12:30 and you knew it was time for their nap. They protested going upstairs, but Jensen was good, and he knew just what to say to get them to calm down. You wondered if they realized that when they woke up, their dad would be gone for the week.

You let him say his goodbyes to them alone, staying downstairs with JJ. He came back down a few minutes later, and his eyes were sad. It tugged at your heartstrings, but you kept yourself from going to hug him.

For the next thirty minutes, JJ was like glue at his side, curling up against him and holding onto him tightly. He soaked it up and you kept yourself busy tidying things while they spent time together. You weren’t going to take away from his daughter’s time, especially when he had to leave so soon.

But to your surprise, he whispered something in her ear and she stood up, giving him one more hug before she disappeared upstairs.

“Where’s she going?” You questioned.

“She’s going to make me and Jared a card. She’s been making them since she could hold a crayon, my trailer is full of them. It’s something Danneel and I had her do so we could have some time before I left for the week,” he explained. He reached a hand up for you and you happily took it, sliding in beside him. He wasted no time – probably because he couldn’t afford to.

His fingers caught your jaw, tilting your face up so he could kiss you. He deepened it, tongue moving around yours and making you melt. You didn’t understand how you could _feel_ the desperation in his kiss, but you could nonetheless.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you said, almost like a reflex.

“I’ll call you on the nights we don’t have night shoots,” he promised.

“Call every night,” you murmured, pressing more kisses to his lips. You knew you’d answer no matter what time he called if it meant you got to hear his voice.

“Just five days,” he said, brushing your hair back from your face. He was watching you, eyes running over your face, over and over, memorizing. 

“Five days too many,” you sighed, curling up against him. Strong arms wrapped around you, pressing you close. You felt lips in your hair as he kissed you. You heard his phone buzz in his pocket, and you watched as he pulled it out.

Your heart swelled when you saw his background – it was the picture of you with the kids, marker all over your faces. But it deflated again when you saw the message from Clif.

_Headed to JPs, be at your place in about 5._

“I’ve gotta go get my bag. Be right back,” he muttered.

You disentangled yourself, already missing the contact. JJ came down the stairs as he came back down the hallway, bag over his shoulder. She could read the look on his face, and she clutched the papers in her hands a bit tighter.

“Is it time for you to go?” She asked. You could tell she was holding back tears.

“Yeah it is honey. But remember, just five sleeps, and I’ll be back. We can get all your things ready for school when I come home, okay?” He was trying to reassure her, to make her feel better. She just nodded along. “C’mere,” he said.

She went running to him, lifting her arms. He picked her up and she clung to him, hands fisting the back of his shirt.

“Watch out for the rocks,” she whispered. You didn’t have to ask – you knew that was something they shared, though it made no sense to you. It was some secret thing between the two of them, and you didn’t feel right intruding.

When she leaned back again, he puckered up his lips, giving her a quick peck before he squeezed her tightly and sat her back down on her feet. The driveway alarm went off, signaling Clif’s arrival. You suddenly hated the sound.

“I’ll give this to Uncle Jared okay? I love you Birdie, and I’ll see you soon. I’ll call tomorrow,” he reassured her. He gave her one last squeeze before standing up and heading for the door.

JJ turned away, heading upstairs to the living room. You watched her, turning back to Jensen in worry.

“She doesn’t like to watch me leave,” he said, voice a bit pained. You offered him a soft smile.

He opened the door, the hot air rushing in as he took a step over the threshold. A large black car with tinted windows was waiting, but you watched as the back one rolled down, Jared peaking out and waving at you.

You waved back, giving him a smile before you turned your attention back to Jensen.

“This sucks,” you mumbled, making him laugh.

“It really does. But you’ll be so busy with the kids you won’t even notice I’m gone,” he said, though you knew he didn’t believe it any more than you did.

“Go, before I call up to set and make them give you back to me for the week,” you muttered. He reached out a hand, taking yours and pulling you to him. You stumbled over the threshold but he caught you in his arms and kissed you, hard.

You clung to him, trying to soak in the feeling so that it would stay with you for the week. Vaguely, over the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears, you could hear Jared cheering from the car.

He only let you go when Clif honked once, startling you both.

“Bye. I’ll call you later,” he promised, pressing one more kiss to your lips before he walked away, disappearing into the car. You waved until he was out of sight, already counting down until he came back through the gates.


	13. chapter thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of things happened in this chapter haha, but there's some Jensen POV at the end for those of you who liked it last time :) as always, thank you so much for your support! your comments mean the world to me!

By Tuesday evening, you didn’t have high hopes for completing your to do list for the week. Specifically because you were curled up in a bed much too small for you, with a sleeping two year old on your lap. 

It had all started the day before when you had dropped the twins off at Gen’s house with their nanny, Emily. Everything had been fine for the next several hours while you went back to school shopping for Tom, Shep and JJ. Tom and JJ had the same school supplies since their class was the same, so that part of it was pretty easy. And you had fun helping JJ pick out clothes, from sparkly shoes to anything pink she could get her hands on – she truly was a girly-girl if you’d ever seen one. 

The only hitch in the road came when you were checking out. Gen’s phone had rung, and it turned out to be Emily, letting Gen know that Odette had gotten sick and seemed to be coming down with a stomach bug. You groaned internally – if little O was sick, the twins would be in just a matter of time. 

And that time, it seemed, had been right after a full dinner the next day, when Zeppelin had gotten sick all over himself and the floor. He’d started bawling at the mess, and you’d had to task JJ with watching Arrow so you could get him and the floor cleaned up. He got sick two more times before bed, refusing to leave your side for the rest of the night. Jensen had to film through the usual 15 minute break he got so they could get a sunset shot, so JJ had gone to bed a bit sadder than usual, but having her brother there for story time, no matter how sick, had cheered her up a bit.

You had tried putting Arrow in her own room the night before and had no issues, so you decided to try it once again. But you weren’t sure Zeppelin was ready for it (he’d gotten up twice the night before), especially with him being sick. So you opted to read to him in his room with the plan of moving him to his crib afterwards.

But once he’d curled up on your lap, one hand twirling your hair and the other holding his blanket, you knew there wasn’t much chance you’d be leaving him tonight. You’d be too worried anyways. He only confirmed it when he spoke up with a pitiful, scratchy voice.

“Momma Y/N? You stay tonight?” He asked, curling up against you.

“Of course baby. I’ll be right here,” you reassured him. You tucked his little body under the covers, curling up beside him. In fetal position you actually fit in the bed, and you put a hand over his little torso – giving him space to stay cool through his fever, but letting him know you were there. He reached up a free hand to hold onto your fingers before he finally drifted off, exhausted.

You had almost dozed off along with him when your phone rang. It was a FaceTime from Jensen, just like the night before and the one before that. You slid out of the bed as gently as you could, tip toeing out into the hallway. You swiped to answer as you left the room, putting a finger to your lips. He stayed silent until you got downstairs and told him it was okay to talk.

“Were you in Zep’s room?” He asked, confused.

“Yeah, poor baby’s got a stomach bug. Same thing Odette had I guess. Gen said she was only sick for about 24 hours, so hopefully he’s feeling better by tomorrow night.” You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, trying to wake up.

“Does he have a fever? Is he dehydrated? Should we take him to the doctor?” Jensen rattled off questions too quickly for you to answer.

“Easy babe, he’s alright. Former nurse over here, remember? He’s kept some water down, and I’ve got him covered up so his fever will break. If he’s not better by tomorrow night, I’ll take him to the doctor, promise." 

“Right. He’s definitely in better hands with you there than me. I never know how to take care of people when they’re sick, especially the kids. Did my girls catch it too?” He asked.

“No, not yet. But Arrow was over there with Odette while I went back to school shopping, so she’s probably next on the list unfortunately. JJ might pick it up, but I hope not,” you explained, sitting the phone down and pouring yourself a glass of water while you spoke.

“And you?”

“What about me?” You asked, moving back into the view of the camera. 

“Well you’re one of my girls. How’re you feeling?” His voice was so sincere, even while he was slightly distracted. You watched as he scrubbed the makeup from the day off in his apartment bathroom.

“Other than missing you like hell, I’m 100%. How was filming today?”

“I miss you more. And filming was pretty smooth. Had a couple of mishaps with some props, but it was all internal stuff today which was nice. Dean’s got some hard scenes tomorrow though, so that won’t be fun,” he sighed, tossing the washcloth he’d used back over by the sink as he headed back to his bedroom. From what you could see it was a warm space, with dark furniture and a very large bed. You wished more than anything that you could be there with him. 

“Wish you were here,” he said, echoing your thoughts from a thousand miles away.

“Only a few more days,” you reminded him with a soft smile, though you both knew it was too long.

* * *

 

Those ‘few days’, it turns out, sucked. There was no other word for it. They just utterly sucked, for many reasons. Zeppelin was still ill and weak on Wednesday, though he wasn’t throwing up, considering he didn’t have much on his stomach other than crackers. But you had no choice but to pack him up in the car, along with the girls, so you could go to Arrow’s doctor’s appointment.

Things had looked up for a moment when they informed you that Arrow only had to wear her sling at night for the next week, then not at all. All you had to do was bring her back for a final follow up. But the good feeling quickly diminished with the stomach bug struck her on the way home, in the form of her throwing up all over the back of your seat and herself.

There was only so much you could do with baby wipes, so after you’d pulled over and done the best you could, you raced home so you could get her cleaned up. Later in the afternoon when the twins went down for their nap, instead of relaxing you ended up washing out the car. You felt bad for JJ – you hadn’t been able to give her much attention the last few days since you’d been cleaning and soothing non-stop.

But her time came on Thursday, when of course, the bug hit with her as well. Zep was completely fine by then, all high energy and ready to go, confused on why his sisters weren’t ready to play. JJ was pitiful when she was sick, constantly needing something, whether it be a blanket, water, or just your attention. You were run ragged by Thursday night, and the last thing you wanted to do was put away the groceries that had arrived. All you wanted was to curl up in bed and have Jensen beside you.

And the cherry on top of everything was the text you got on Friday morning.

_There’s a big band of storms up in Canada, I’m probably going to get delayed. Just wanted to let you know so you didn’t get worried. I’ll be home as soon as I can._

Hard as you tried, you spent the day in a bit of a slump, disappointed that Jensen wouldn’t be home by dinner like he had been the week before. JJ cried when you told her after lunch that he wouldn’t be back by the time she went to bed, which then set the twins off. With all three of them upset, you were about to cry alongside them, overwhelmed and exhausted. But the pang in your gut pulled you out of it, and you realized in a bit of horror what it was. Nausea.

As quickly as you could you bolted for the bathroom, retching into the toilet until your stomach was empty. You sat down on the tile for a moment, trying to collect yourself. You didn’t have time for this, you had three kids to take care of.

With a groan you dragged yourself up off the floor, rinsing out your mouth and splashing your face with cold water. The kids had stopped crying when you got back to the living room, though their faces were still a bit red. The twins had curled up with JJ on the couch, waiting for you.

“Where’d you go?” JJ asked.

“Looks like it’s my turn to get sick,” you sighed, still feeling weak and woozy. It only got worse when you got sick again after putting the twins down for their nap. It was going to be a long night, of that you were certain.

So, in a last ditch effort to entertain the kids, you opted for a movie night. JJ and Arrow were still worn out from being sick so they obliged. Zeppelin was a little less willing, but when you let him curl up on your lap he was content enough.

Too exhausted to cook, you ordered pizza and passed it out on plates during the movie. The smell made your stomach turn and you were sick yet again, but the kids seemed to be having a good time as they watched _Tangled_ , singing along to the songs and laughing during all the right times. 

You’d be lying if you said that bedtime came soon enough, and the relief you breathed out after putting each kid in their own bed was immense. It was as if you had been run over by a truck, repeatedly, by the time you sat down on the couch downstairs.

You knew enough about sickness in general, but you had seen this particular bug three times over, so you knew what was coming next. The fever. It started with cold chills, your entire body weakening as you shook. Lacking the energy to go upstairs to your room, you moved to Jensen’s, combing through his closet in search of something warm. With a bit of a smile you found one of his always keep fighting hoodies and tugged it on – it was just big enough to be cozy, the sleeves coming down over your hands. 

Using the last bit of energy you had you made yourself drink some water, hoping to keep it down for the rest of the night. You felt like a heaping pile of garbage when you settled onto the blue couch. You knew you should have gone to your bed, but the thought of moving more than you had to was just too much. Plus, no matter how crappy you felt, you wanted to know when Jensen came home. So with that, you curled up in a ball on the couch and drifted off to sleep. 

**Jensen’s pov**

 

He knew enough about Y/N to know it was odd. She hadn’t answered any of his texts, not even the one that said he had landed. Sure, it was a bit later than usually, but it was only 9. She should be awake.

But it all made sense when he opened the door. He was quiet, almost silent as he entered, and it took him a minute to see the figure on the couch. Y/N was curled up there, in his hoodie, passed out asleep. Only when he saw the trash can beside her did he realize that she too had been sick. Of course, she hadn’t told him that. He could hear her now. _I didn’t want you to worry._

He went around the couch, crouching down beside her. Even in her sleep he could tell she didn’t feel well. She was shaking ever so slightly, her face tense. He could see a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead. Still, she was more beautiful than he’d remembered her being when he left – his memory hadn’t done her justice.

She must have sensed he was close because she began to stir, hands fisting at the hoodie sleeves. He put a hand out, resting it on her shoulder and gently coaxing her awake. She opened her eyes, blinking away the sleep.

“Hey gorgeous,” he smiled. In return, he got a grimace.

“Get away from me,” she grumbled. Involuntarily, his heart squeezed. Had he done something wrong? Is that why she hadn’t answered the texts from earlier? But she spoke again before he could voice anything. “I’m gonna get you sick.” 

He relaxed with a chuckle. Of course she would be worried about him rather than herself.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere. That stupid delay already made me miss a few hours with you, and I’m not missing anymore, germs or no germs,” he explained. She cracked a bit of a smile at that, though he could tell that she was still worried.

“You’re not gonna take no for an answer are you?” She asked.

“Not a chance. Now c’mon, let’s get you to bed." 

He was going to pick her up, but Y/N had other plans. She sat up, rubbing at her eyes before standing to her feet. She took two steps before she stumbled. He caught her on instinct, hands grabbing onto her hips and pulling her against him.

“Woah, easy there. You okay?” He asked. She was still letting him support most of her weight when she answered.

“I’m fine. I can’t go to bed yet,” she murmured.

“You’re exhausted. You need to rest.”

“No, I’m sweaty and pukey and gross and I need to shower,” she protested, beginning to walk forward. She was still wobbly, so he kept his hands on her waist, walking in step with her towards his room.

“You can shower in the morning,” he reminder her gently. She stopped moving, turning to look at him.

“No. Tonight.” Her tone was final.

“Baby you can’t even stand up right now, you ran yourself ragged all week taking care of the kids. I can’t let you go in there alone, you might fall.”

“Tough. Our first shower together is not happening while I’m A, too sick to make the most of it, and B, feeling like I’m going to hurl everywhere. No can do,” she said, continuing her trek to the bathroom, finally making it to the door.

He couldn’t explain the panic in his gut, or why he was having such a vivid image of Y/N crumpled on the shower floor. It made him so scared that he felt sick himself.

“Fine, then I’ll just stay in here.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her. “I won’t look at you or anything, I just need to know you’re safe, okay? I promise.” 

“Fine.” 

He was slightly surprised by her willingness. She took his hand from where it was resting on her waist, wrapping her fingers around his and leading him to the far wall of the shower. Gently, she guided him until he had his back to it, and then she instructed him to sit on the tile.

“Stay there. And close your eyes.” 

“They’re closed,” he assured her.

“No peeking!” 

“No peeking,” he repeated, resting his head against the shower. The travel had been exhausting, so he didn’t mind to close his eyes. But that only lasted a moment, when he remembered what was happening just out of his sight. The sound of her clothes hitting the floor didn’t help matters either. But he had promised, and he was a man of his word.

“If I hear a thump I’m opening my eyes and getting you, naked or not,” he said just as she turned the water on.

“My hero,” she answered, and he could tell she was smiling.

It was silent for a while and he listened to the water hitting the tiles, the way the sound changed when she moved. It took all his strength not to look.

“You can open your eyes, as long as you promise to not turn around,” she said, as if she’d heard his internal struggle. He opened his eyes in a snap, staring forward towards the bathtub and the window.

“I won’t. Scout’s honor. How you holding up in there?”

“Good. The water feels nice. How was your flight?”

“A bit bumpy because of the weather. I would ask you how your week was, but I’m assuming it was shitty, based on the sheer amount of vomit involved,” Jensen sighed.

“Yeah, that part wasn’t fun. But the kids feel better, and you’re here now. That’s all that matters.” She said it as a fact, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Before he could come up with a response, the water had shut off and the shower door had opened.

“That was short,” he murmured after a moment of her rustling around behind him. He closed his eyes again, not wanting to see anything she didn’t want to show.

“I don’t have enough energy for anything past the basics. Me and my hairy legs will be warm and cozy in my bed.” Her voice was getting closer. “You can open.”

She was wrapped in a robe, her hair up in a twisted towel. She looked a bit more awake than before the shower, but she was already shivering again. 

“Your bed? Nah, you’re with me. I couldn’t give less of a shit about the hair on your legs, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I am not getting my germs all over your bed, I can’t have you getting sick. You’ve got work on Monday, and I’m probably gonna wake up and throw up again at some point. You don’t need to deal with that,” she muttered.

“Well too bad, because for once you’re gonna let somebody take care of you, and that somebody is gonna be me. No more protests. C’mon, let’s get you into something warm.” Gently, he put an arm around her shoulders, guiding her towards the closet.

“I’m fine,” she grumbled, but it wasn’t very convincing.

“Uh huh, I know you are honey. C’mon,” he coaxed. She gave in, heading back to the closet, holding her robe close around her. But once she got there, she paused, looking at him. She seemed suddenly nervous, and he frowned.

“What is it? Are you okay?” He shifted a hand to under her elbow, ready to catch her if she fell. 

“I’m okay. It’s just… I uh… don’t have any underwear down here,” she said as quietly as she could muster. The blush in her cheeks was alarming in contrast to her paled skin. He gave her a soft smile, kissing her forehead. It was burning hot beneath his lips.

“I’ll got get you some. Any preference?”

“Comfy ones. But don’t go digging around in my underwear drawer. That’s creepy,” she said. It seemed the exhaustion was setting in again, taking the fight out of her.

“I’ll be right back. Just hang tight, and relax for a minute. If I come back to you passed out on the floor we’re gonna have problems,” he said, giving her another quick kiss before he headed out the door.

He listened for the babies on his way, but they were still asleep. When he went into Y/N’s room, he was surprised. Only then did he realize he hadn’t been in there since she had moved in. It looked almost the same, apart from the bookshelf she had added in the corner. It was stuffed full of books, narrow and wide ones, with different colored spines. Some looked brand new while others were obviously well loved. He found it odd that there were no pictures or real personal touches anywhere.

Remembering that Y/N was alone, he pushed the thoughts from his mind. It felt oddly wrong to be searching through her drawers, but she’d given him permission after all. He would just grab the first pair he found that seemed comfortable and bring them to her. He tried the top right drawer first, and guessed wrong. It was filled with t-shirts, some old and ragged, some newer ones. But in the corner, a box caught his eye.

It was dark gray, made of metal, and when he moved a t-shirt over he found a keypad. It was a lock box. Curiosity flourished in him, and he ran his fingers over the button, careful not to press anything. What could she possibly need a lock box for? Her voice sounded in her head again.

_Don’t go digging around in my underwear drawer. That’s creepy._

“It’s underwear drawer _adjacent,_ ” he muttered to himself, but he closed the drawer anyways. Whatever she had locked up was her business, not his. Besides, if he asked, she would tell him.

Pushing the thoughts away he tried the top left drawer, finding success in a pile of lots of lace. He did his best not to picture her in any of them, knowing that wouldn’t help anything – she was sick after all, and he didn’t think they were ready for sex anyhow. So he blindly felt around until his fingers found a soft, stretchy pair. He grabbed them and closed the drawer, leaving the room quickly and heading back to his own.

When he got to the closet, Y/N wasn’t where he had left her. Instead, she had shed her robe and was looking through some of his clothes. She was in one of his bigger hoodies, a new fbbc one that hadn’t been released yet. The fabric kissed the tops of her thighs, and he could have melted right there. God damn.

“I got cold,” she explained when she noticed him. The blush was back as she held out a hand. He passed her the underwear silently, trying to ignore the tightening in his jeans.

“I’ll let you get changed,” he said, throat rough as he turned away. He shook his head back and forth quickly, trying to push the thought from him mind. _Not tonight. Not tonight._

She came back out quickly, shivering again. She had her arms wrapped around herself, and she looked a bit green in the light.

“Are you gonna get sick again?” He asked. She nodded, immediately running for the bathroom. He followed her, holding back her hair and the hood of her sweatshirt while she retched. There was nothing left to throw up besides water, so it was over quickly. He helped her up and over to the sink so she could wash out her mouth and splash water on her face.

“Hopefully that means you won’t get sick during the night,” he murmured, leaving her side for a moment to get a towel for her to dry her face. She stumbled back when he let go, ending up sitting on the bench that separated the vanities. He dropped to his knees in front of her, holding on tight in case she tipped backwards. 

“M’ tired,” she mumbled, blinking hard. He wiped her face with the towel gently, careful not to take a hand off her shoulder.

“Alright baby, let’s get you to bed,” he said yet again. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet, but as soon as her weight shifted her legs were shaking below her. On instinct he wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her toes up off the ground. She clung to his neck with the strength she had left, though it wasn’t much, until he laid her on the bed.

He gently guided her under the covers before he stripped down and climbed into his side. Immediately she was curled up at against him, all earlier qualms about germs forgotten.

“You’re so warm. Like sunshine,” she murmured, already half asleep. He pulled her closer, and even though she was throwing off heat waves he held her through the night, willing her to finally get the rest she deserved.


	14. chapter fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter fought me. hard. but, it's finally here!! hope you enjoy, and as always, thank you for reading and for leaving comments/kudos. you guys are amazing!!

You weren’t a morning person on a good day, but it was even worse than usual. The immediate feeling after waking up was what you expected it would feel like to be run over by a truck. Repeatedly.

The night began to come back to you in feverish pieces. Throwing up. Strong hands on your waist holding you up. Jensen’s form sitting on the floor outside the shower, his lines blurred by the steam.

Jensen.

Groggily, you reached over to his side of the bed, disappointed to feel that the sheets were cold. You peaked an eye open at the clock, groaning. It was 9am, no wonder he was already up. As you got your bearings you were happy to report that you weren’t nauseous anymore, though you could tell the dehydration and lack of food from the day before was wearing on you. 

Just as you were about to get up, you saw the door begin to open. Expecting Jensen, you were confused when it continued to swing, but didn’t reveal anyone. A bit of panic rose up in your chest, but it faded as soon as you heard the little footsteps. Sitting up just a margin, you saw the dark head of hair before you saw the rest of him. 

“Momma Y/N!” Zep squealed, running around and trying to climb into the bed. You gave him a boost up, heart warm when he immediately curled up against you. He cuddled up to your neck, little hands resting on you as he squished his face against yours. It was the most precious thing, and you didn’t dare move an inch, not even when you heard Jensen calling out for Zeppelin.

He found him quickly, coming in quietly before relaxing at the sight of you awake.

“Buddy I told you that Y/N was still sleeping,” he sighed, but you shook your head just barely.

“He’s fine, I was already awake anyways,” you reassured Jensen, wrapping your arms around Zep. The usually peppy boy seemed completely content to sit there with you for as long as you would let him. Jensen just smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed by your feet.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Still a little weak, but I think some food will do the trick. I’m not nauseous anymore, so I guess it ran it’s course.” 

“I’ll make you whatever you want. You really feel okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. What, do I look like I got run over or something?” _I feel like it,_ you thought.

“You’re gorgeous, per usual. It’s just, I kinda planned something for us tonight, but if you aren’t up for it we don’t have to. I know you’re probably exhausted,” he said, seemingly nervous. Your heart fluttered. An actual _date._ You felt thirteen again all of sudden, blush rushing to your cheeks.

“Are you asking me out on a date Ackles?” You asked him, half to tease, half to make sure you weren’t making it up in your head.

“Only if you’re up for it,” he said again, chewing on his lip.

“Depends on if you can make me french toast for breakfast,” you grinned, quirking an eyebrow. He balked for a minute before it broke into a wide smile.

“French toast it is,” he said, leaning in and covering Zeppelin’s eyes so he could kiss you quickly. You sent the toddler off with him so you could get in the shower. Even though you’d washed your hair the night before, you had sweat all night and knew you needed to shave, especially if you had a date later.

You’d planned on making it quick, especially since you’d heard the music turn on in the kitchen, a cardinal sign that Jensen was cooking. But your imagination kept running rampant as you pieced together the night before, specifically Jensen sitting just feet away from you while you showered, making sure you were safe. He had never once looked, keeping to his word, and somehow that was sexier than if he had snuck a glance.

You weren’t used to people doing what they said they were going to, especially not boyfriends. The idea of being able to trust someone made you feel vulnerable, but it put a pit in your stomach when you realized how much you already _did_ trust Jensen. You could trust him in a way that you never thought you would be able to trust anyone again, and it terrified you.

The thoughts continued to nag at you as you dried off and fixed your hair so that it would dry semi-decent, and you wouldn’t have to fight it later. You felt much fresher when you left the bathroom, and the smell of French toast had your mouth watering. A full plate was waiting for you in the kitchen and you sat down on the bar stools, tucking in ravenously. Your empty stomach was grateful, and Jensen didn’t even try to start a conversation with you until after you were done.

“So… did I earn a date night?”

“Date night?” JJ responded before you had a chance to answer. You sucked in a breath, suddenly nervous. There was no way Jensen was planning on telling the kids about the two of you yet, and you weren’t sure how he was going to skirt around this one. You watched as he came around the kitchen island and crouched down so he was level with JJ’s eyes.

“Yeah sweetheart, a date night. Tonight, me and Y/N are gonna go out and you guys are going to hang out at Uncle Jared’s. And then next week the boys and O are gonna come over here so that Uncle Jared and Aunt Momma can go out,” he explained. You admired the honesty, especially when you saw the suspicion cross JJs face. She was a smart girl, very smart for her age, and you knew she understood.

“You haven’t been on a date night since mommy moved.” It was a statement, not a question. 

“You’re right, I haven’t.” 

“Is it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Are you gonna have a date night like what you did with mommy or is it going to be different?” She wasn’t shying away from the questions, and you could tell she had been holding onto them for a little while. She was more observant than either of them had given her credit for. 

“It’s kinda the same, kinda different. How do you feel about that?”

She thought about it for a minute, and the silence had your heart racing. If she said she wasn’t okay with it, you weren’t sure what Jensen would do. His priority was his kids – period.

“Do you all kiss?”

“Sometimes,” Jensen admitted. You were blushing, you could feel it.

“Gross. But the dates are okay I guess. You never went on any dates with Yuli, but Y/N is more like mommy and less like grandma,” she mumbled, and you had to stop yourself from laughing. Her little detective mind was too adorable. “I don’t care if you go on dates. Will you bring ice cream back when you come home?”

“Anything for you Birdie. Now go on, go play while daddy cleans up the kitchen,” he encouraged. She went without protest and as soon as she had rounded the corner he looked up at you with wide eyes.

“Well… that went better than I expected.” He let it out like a bit of a breathless laugh. “I should have known she would have figured it out before I worked up the nerve to tell her.”

“She’s one smart little cookie,” you chuckled, feeling like you could breathe again. “I just hope she really meant it, that she’s okay with it.”

“Hey. She loves you, okay? Why wouldn’t she be okay with it?” He reassured you, reaching out a hand for you.

You took a step to meet him but left a bit of space – an already formed habit. He reached his hand out further, warm fingers landing on your waist and pulling you to him for a kiss. 

“We don’t have to hide anymore,” he whispered, making you melt. 

* * *

 

It was twenty minutes before you were supposed to leave and you were panicking, phone on speaker sitting on the counter as you fixed your hair. 

“He’s taking you to _Tillie’s_? Oh damn,” Gen said, and you could tell by her voice that she was holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder.

“Oh damn? What do you mean oh damn!?” You said, panicked.

“Nothing bad! Tillie’s is great. Real black tie type of place, but the food is amazing. It’s out towards the brewery actually,” she explained.

“Black tie? I don’t have anything to wear that’s black tie!” You groaned. The most elegant thing you had in your closet was probably a sun dress.

“Just borrow something of mine, I’ve got tons of stuff I haven’t even worn that brands send me, I’m sure you can find something you like” she said, as if it was the most casual thing to have a closet full of luxury items.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course! Just come on over now and I’ll get you fixed up before Jensen comes. Leave your place and turn left, we’re five houses down.”

You obliged, snagging a bag that you could put your clothes in when you changed and heading out of the bathroom towards the closet where you knew Jensen was getting ready. He was buttoning up one of his dress shirts when you walked in and he paused for a minute, taking in your outfit of running shorts and one of his t-shirts.

“Uhhhh…”

“Oh my god, this isn’t what I’m wearing, I promise. I’m going down to Gen’s to find something to wear. Pick me up from there?”

“You got it munchkin. Wanna take JJ with you on the walk?” You nodded and went over to him to give him a quick kiss before you left. “You look gorgeous!” he called after you.

You kissed the babies goodbye as you waited for JJ to get her shoes on, taking her hand when she was done and heading out the door.

The walk was a bit longer than you expected, but you didn’t mind. It wasn’t scorching hot out considering it was the evening, and the breeze kept you cool. There was so much foliage around, massive bushes filled with flowers and buzzing bees. 

As you walked and JJ pointed out all the different colors, you felt something. A feeling you hadn’t had in a long time, pure ice running down your spine.

Someone was watching you.

Panic rose in your throat like bile, flashes of memories, dark windows, a crooked smile.

“No, no no no no no,” you whispered, hand tightening on JJs as you began to walk as fast as you could without running, her little legs struggling to keep up with your new pace. “Here baby, c’mere.” You scooped her up so that you could walk faster, keeping your head down.

“It’s the picture people,” JJ said in your ear, her eyes trained on someone over your shoulder. You whipped around, holding JJ close to your shoulder so you could keep her face hidden. Sure enough, there was a paparazzi on the sidewalk across the street, watching you through his lens. You froze, unsure of what to do, how to stop him while the clicks of his camera seemed to echo down the street. And yet your body also relaxed just a fraction. At least it wasn’t _him._  

“You’ve got about 5 seconds to beat it before I call the cops.” The voice that came from beside you was booming, and to your surprise you saw Jared stepping through his driveway gate. In your fast pace, you hadn’t realized that you’d made it to their house yet. The sight of him gave you such relief that you felt your shoulders slump.

“Uncle Jared!” JJ exclaimed, reaching for him. He took her out of your arms gently, hugging her close but also shielding her face. She looked so safe in his strong arms, so high up off the ground, that it helped you to breathe. She was okay, you were both okay. It wasn’t him, he hadn't found you.

“I have just as much a right to be here as you do,” the man spat back at Jared, and it made your blood boil. Jared spoke again before you could, and that was probably a good thing considering JJ’s little ears were so close.

“This neighborhood is gated and therefore considered private property to those who live here, which means you snuck in, illegally. On top of that, JJ and Y/N are both private citizens that you have no right to photograph without their consent. So, unless you would like to see me and Jensen in court, I suggest you beat it before I get someone to bodily remove you or I do it myself.” There was such authority in his voice that it made your whole body tense. When you looked up, his eyes were deadly serious. The pap tucked tail, muttering an apology as he headed back towards the entrance to the neighborhood. Jared watched until he was out of sight, and then his entire demeanor changed in a flash.

“How’s my J-Bird?” He grinned, poking a finger into JJ’s side to make her giggle. He turned back to the gate, holding it open for you.

“Good! How did that picture man get in here?” She asked, more than content to be carried up the driveway.

“Not sure, but I know he wasn’t supposed to be here. He won’t be back though, don’t you worry,” Jared reassured her.

“Thank you, for coming down here and doing that,” you said, trying to keep up with his long strides as you approached the house.

“Anytime. Nobody messes with the family.” His smile was so sincere that it made your heart swell. Despite the tough-guy show he had just put on, you could tell he was just a big teddy bear. “Guess what J-Bird?” 

“What?”

“Your aunt momma is making cupcakes for everybody to decorate later, doesn’t that sound like fun?”

“Yeah!” She exclaimed, obviously excited. It made you feel a bit less guilty to be taking some of her time away from her dad, knowing that she had so much fun at the Padalecki’s house. You watched as Jared opened the door and she ran inside, in search of Tom and Shep, no doubt. He held the door for you and you walked into a dark, cozy space. The walls were all a dark wood, the furniture dark leather, with pops of color all around. There was enough natural light from the windows to make it cozy rather than dark and dreary, and you felt instantly safe somehow.

“Y/N! Okay, so I have a few options for you.” Gen came bounding around the corner, excitement in her eyes.

“A few? Baby you covered half the closet in outfits,” Jared teased, but there was nothing but love in his tone. “Dress up is her favorite,” he murmured to you.

“Alright, you’re on kid duty, Y/N you’re with me.” She motioned for you to follow her, and you were glad you hadn’t tried to find it on your own. The Padalecki’s house was quite a bit bigger than Jensen’s, and most of the wood walls looked the same. You were sure you would have gotten lost in search of the closet without Gen’s guidance.

When you found it though, you were unsurprised to find a room big enough to fit the entirety of your old apartment in it. And Jared hadn’t been exaggerating – every surface was covered in some type of garment that you were sure cost more than your entire wardrobe combined.

“Pick anything, and I have shoes out here that would go with any of them.”

You were a bit overwhelmed at first, but you circled around the closet, running your fingers over the different types of fabric and trying to decide.

Eventually, you found one that intrigued you. It was soft to the touch, a mini dress that was quite short. But it had a train of fabric that started out at the waist and moved backwards, giving it a high-low effect in a more classy way. It was a deep shade of purple, which complemented the gold makeup that you’d put on, and with a pair of heels you knew you could pull it off.

If you were going to have to dress up, you were gonna make it worth your while. Gen approved of your choice, and to your amazement it actually fit well when she helped you get into it. Luckily you’d had the foresight to put on a strapless bra, so all you had to do was slip it on with the shoes and you were ready. When you saw yourself in the mirror, you hardly recognized yourself, but it was in a good way.

“Damn girl. You look hot as hell,” Gen said from behind you, making you smile as you packed the clothes you’d brought into your bag, putting it over your shoulder.

“Thank you, for letting me borrow it. I’ll bring it back when I drop the boys off on Monday afternoon,” you promised as you both walked out of the closet, headed downstairs.

“Hi Ms. Y/N! You look pretty,” Shep said, passing you in the hallway and making you blush. You heard the door open as you headed down the stairs, and you froze.

Jensen was there, all suited up, bow tie and all. The sight of him looking _that good_ was enough to make your mouth water, but the fact that he had a twin on each hip and a diaper bag over his shoulder made you weak in the knees. 

“Alright guys, you be good for your aunt momma, okay? And be nice to Odette, don’t forget she’s smaller than you are,” he said, the later part more directed at Zeppelin.

“Look who has her sling off!” Gen exclaimed, heading over to see Arrow. At her voice, Jensen turned and saw you. His mouth dropped just slightly, a movie worthy reaction that had you blushing to your ears.

“Told you I wasn’t gonna wear shorts and a t-shirt,” you teased, sitting the bag down and heading over to him. He didn’t seem to have the words to answer as you approached him, making both you and Gen laugh.

“Let’s get a picture of you guys! JJ, come in here for a minute,” Gen called out. JJ’s footsteps quickly followed, and you scooped her up, settling her on your hip so she could get into the frame easily. Gen snapped a few pictures, even a funny one where you all made silly faces.

“Send those to me!” You asked, knowing they were something you would wanna keep forever.

“Of course. Now Jared, take the twins so I can get a picture of just them,” she instructed. Jared swooped over, taking a twin in each arm while you sat JJ down and sent her on her way.

With his arms free, Jensen wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against him. You smiled up at him, only barely aware that Gen was snapping pictures. Unable to help yourself, you popped up on your tippy toes to give him a quick kiss, secretly hoping that Gen had caught it. 

And in the back of your mind, you hoped that those pictures of you, Jensen and the kids that you would see from that day.

 


	15. chapter fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? got excited and wrote a chapter in one sitting? you betcha. I also screamed a lil bit to myself when I wrote this, so prepare yourself haha

The entire ride had been like a dream. Jensen had brought out that old classic blue car you’d seen in the garage when you first moved in. It turned out to be a 1956 Chevrolet 210, a beautiful car that he’d taken extra good care of.

“No impala? I’m surprised,” you had teased when he held the door open for you, helping you in.

“Nah, I’m waiting on the real thing. If they don’t give me Baby with my contract at the end, I’m gonna be pissed,” he said with a bit of a chuckle, climbing in and starting her up. 

The weather was perfect, early evening hanging over Texas in the most beautiful way. It was one of those moments you tried desperately to commit to memory, knowing someday you would want to look back on it. Jensen’s hand held yours for a while on the bench seat, but eventually you closed the space, sliding over so you could curl up to his side. He kept one hand on the wheel and his other arm around your shoulder as he sped down the hill country roads, singing along to the radio.

Tillie’s was tucked away by one of the many lakes, and from the outside it didn’t look like anything special. The only hint that it was a black tie place was the valet that took Jensen’s car. But when you stepped inside, you realized you had misjudged. Big time.

The inside was gorgeous – you would later learn it had once been a Vietnamese  meditation hall that was brought to Texas and rebuilt. Everything was elegant and beautiful, from the wood beams above to the tiles beneath your feet. 

“Ah, Mr. Ackles! Long time no see, how have you been?” The host greeted Jensen, holding out a hand for a shake.

“I’ve been pretty good Martin, thanks. How’s the business going?” 

“Wonderful, wonderful, especially since your brewery has taken off. We have so many more people out in hill country now, and we owe that to you! Well, you and your wonderful wife. How are you Mrs. Ackles?” Martin turned to you, and Jensen tensed up beside you. You squeezed his hand in reassurance.

“Oh I’m not Mrs. Ackles, not yet anyways. I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you!” You kept your voice light, laughing it off and holding out a hand to shake his.

“Oh my, my apologies, my apologies,” Martin murmured, shaking your hand, embarrassment all over his face. “Well, I’ve reserved the best table in the house for you both, and dinner is on us this evening. Follow me right this way.”

Jensen squeezed your hand a few times during the walk to the table, which was upstairs next to a large window, giving you a beautiful view of the lake below. He pulled your chair out for you, and you could sense his apology coming as soon as he sat down.

“Nope,” you said, picking up a menu.

“Huh?”

“No apologies, because I know what you’re about to say and I don’t wanna hear it. You have nothing to be sorry for,” you elaborated, starting to look at the options for meals. There were no price tags, and you were scared to know how much everything cost.

“Y/N-“

“Listen,” you cut him off. “You two were married for 8 years, it’s gonna happen. People are going to be confused for a little while, and that’s _okay._ Hell, I take being mistaken for Danneel as a complement, she’s gorgeous,” you teased, keeping your tone light. In all honesty, it really didn’t bother you, but you could tell it made Jensen uncomfortable.

“You’re gorgeous without comparison or mistake,” he said, and when you looked up he was staring right at you, eyes seemingly trying to convey what he was saying. With the lake view behind him and his bright green eyes he looked like a painting. How was this your life?

“Thank you. Now, what’s good here?”

Dinner passed by without further incident. Everything was delicious as Gen had promised, and Jensen pulled out all the stops, though he called it after his first glass of wine so that he could drive. You were a bit tipsy after your second and called it there, enjoying the food and his company. You ended up talking about the kids, like usual, but you got him talking about himself for a little while too.

He talked about his childhood in Dallas, how he spent every summer afternoon in the creek behind his house with his brother and sister. He spoke of his favorite vacations, memories he’d made with JJ in California when she was just a baby. Supernatural was mentioned of course, and he talked of how him and Jared were planning on ending it in season 15 if that was okay with Misha. 

As the conversation went along, you couldn’t help but look around as other patrons started to join in on dinner. They all dripped of superiority, with large hand bags and fancy watches. You looked the part, in your outfit and your shoes, but you were also painfully aware of the fact that they weren’t yours. It wasn’t the money issue – you’d never cared much about ‘being rich’, but you still felt a bit out of place. You’d never been somewhere as nice as Tillie’s in your life, and you hoped it didn’t show.

“Are you alright? Is your dessert not good?” Jensen’s voice pulled you back out of it, and when you looked up you saw a bit of chocolate on the corner of his mouth.

“No, it’s great!” You countered, but you knew he’d see right through it.

“Then what’s bothering you love?” 

“This place is just so fancy. I’m not really used to it, I’ve never been anywhere this nice,” you mumbled, a bit embarrassed.

“You belong just as much as anyone else here, okay? I promise you that. I should have asked if you wanted to do something fancy or if you would have rather kept it a bit more chilled though. Next time, you can pick a date idea that’s more you.”

“Jensen, this date was amazing, I didn’t mean it like that. I’ve really had a great time, I promise. It’s just different. In fact, I’ve never really been on a dinner date like this, so maybe I just feel weird because of that,” you said.

“Your exes never took you out to dinner?” His tone was half incredulous, half pissed.

“Ex. Singular. And no, he didn’t.”

“Sounds like a real peach,” Jensen grumbled.

“Oh you don't know the half of it,” you responded, looking down at your plate. He was silent for a minute, then you heard him rummaging for his wallet.

“I have an idea. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.” 

“Alright, c’mon. We’re gettin’ outta here.” He flashed you a mischievous grin, and you watched as he tossed a hundred dollar bill on the table like it was a scrap of paper.

“I thought dinner was on the house?”

“Servers have to eat too. C’mon, let’s go. I have something I want to show you.”

When the valet brought the car back around, the sun was beginning to set over Texas. The sky was alight with oranges and purples, cascading together and painting the reflection of the shiny car in vivid color.

“The sky is gorgeous,” you said as Jensen drove. It took you a minute to realize that you were headed away from home, and another few miles before you realized where you were headed.

“We’re a little overdressed for the brewery, aren’t we?” You asked, looking down at yourself.

“The crew has an event downtown tonight so the main base isn’t open. We’ll have it all to ourselves,” he grinned, pulling the car off onto the gravel road you were familiar with. “Lucky for you, you know the man with the keys.”

You just grinned, waiting to see whatever he had planned. You weren’t sure if he’d come up with it at the restaurant or if he’d had it planned all along, but you didn’t care.

When he finally put it in park, you looked around, watching the color of the sky start to fade away behind all the trees. Jensen got out first, rummaging around in the back for a minute before he emerged with two bags, one of them being the one you had brought with you. 

“C’mon, let’s go inside.” He opened your door for you, and to your surprise scooped you up out of the seat bridal style. You squealed a bit, clinging to his neck, making him laugh.

“I can walk,” you said, breathless.

“You can’t tell me those heels don’t hurt. Don’t worry, you won’t have to have them on long,” he smiled, heading into the main building. He set you on your feet so he could unlock the door, and you had to admit that your feet did hurt a bit. 

“Now, get changed into something more comfortable, and I’ll do the same. I have to wear enough suits at work, I don’t need to wear them at home too,” he grinned, handing you your bag. He was already taking his jacket off when you scurried behind the bar. Something about changing out in the open of the tasting room just felt too vulnerable, especially after you experience with the paparazzi earlier.

“You don’t have to hide back there you know, I’m still sworn to my no peeking vow until you tell me otherwise,” he said, already turning his back. He was down to his boxers already somehow.

“Well, you get a little bit of a peek, cause I can’t get this thing unzipped without you,” you admitted. You took your shoes off while he finished putting on shorts and a shirt. He walked over to you slowly, and you waited for him to come up behind you, skin ablaze. When his hand rested on your shoulder to steady you, it felt like he was sending electricity through you. It was over too soon, and you could feel the cooling air on your now bare back.

“Worth the wait.” He whispered, making goosebumps rise all over your skin. “Meet me in the grove when you’re ready.”

You watched as he walked out the door, flipping on a switch that turned on all the overhead lights over the grove, the large expanse of trees where patrons could sit outside. The lights twinkled a bit, their delicate wires and small bulbs swaying in the breeze. It looked like a movie scene, and suddenly you couldn’t get changed fast enough.

Being careful to take care of Gen’s dress, you left it draped over one of the tables after you got dressed. Jensen had left his suit in a pile on the floor, and it made you smile. You were giddy, both with excitement and nerves. It was the first time you and Jensen would be really, truly, _alone_.

Sure enough, he was waiting for you, looking up at the trees. It was so much more natural for you to be with him like this, in comfortable clothes and under the expanse of the evening. It just felt right.

Your nerves faded as you approached him, his calming presence taking over as you came up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist. When he turned around, he was smiling down at you, slipping his phone into his pocket as music began to play over the speakers.

“Care to dance?” He asked, smiling so wide that you couldn’t help but smile back.

“Of course,” you said, and he moved you around so you were slotted right there in his arms. You swayed along to the ballads that he played, your head eventually resting on his chest while you held onto him. He pressed kisses to your forehead while he sang along, serenading you in a way you were sure you would never feel worthy of. But then again, he made you feel special, and worthy, and loved. 

You felt _loved._

The realization that this was what it was supposed to feel like was almost too much for you, and despite all your efforts, you began to tear up. You’d never felt like this, never thought you’d be able to feel like this, and it was overwhelming. A single sniffle gave you away, and his hands were on your cheeks, guiding your head back so he could see you.

“What’s wrong angel? What is it?”

The words stuck in your throat, but you pushed them out past the lump.

“I love you.”

He froze for a moment, as if he couldn’t believe what you were saying. You began to second guess yourself when there was another moment of silence, but then his lips were on yours. This kiss was different, different from the good morning pecks, the ‘I missed you while you were in the other room’ brush of the lips. 

This time, he wasn’t holding anything back. His thumbs wiped away the tears from your cheeks and then his lips were on yours again, molding your mouth to his in a way that made you feel like you were on fire, yet safe all at once. 

“I love you too,” came out like a breath when you parted, and it was the sweetest sound you had ever heard.

 


	16. chapter sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not gonna lie to you, this is a bit of a filler chapter BUT it will come into play later, I promise :) hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!!

The fact that you got to hear “I love you” with Jensen’s goodbye made it just a fraction easier to take on Sunday afternoon. JJ was a little upset that he wouldn’t be there for her first day of school, but her excitement to see all her friends overrode it. She had jumped right into packing her bag for school the next day as soon as you all kissed Jensen goodbye. You were excited for her, though you weren’t particularly excited for the 6:15 wake-up call you knew you were going to start having.  

And that rung true the next morning when you got up to make her a quick breakfast, putting the note out that Jensen had left with you. You read over it again with a smile.

_Justice Jay,_

_I cannot believe how big you’re getting! I am so proud of you, and I know you are going to do great in 1 st grade. Be good and work hard, I can’t wait to see what you learn! I love you to the moon!_

_Daddy_

You woke her up at 6:30, getting her teeth brushed and hair done, making sure she had her outfit on before she headed downstairs. After breakfast you had her pose by the front door with her backpack and lunch box, sending the pictures to Jensen just as Gen pulled into the driveway.

They went to a private school that was 15 minutes away, which meant the bus wasn’t an option. Therefore, the arrangement had been made that Gen would take the three oldest to school in the morning since Odette could stay with the nanny, and you would bring them back home later in the afternoon after dropping the twins off with Gen and picking up the car-seats.

It was a bit of a puzzle trying to figure it all out, but you knew it would work well for everyone. And your plan of keeping the twins up just a tiny bit later seemed to be working too, because even as you waved down the driveway as Gen pulled away, they stayed asleep.

You tided up the house until you heard the babies moving around upstairs. It was a bit unnerving, hearing them walking around out of their beds instead of crying in their cribs, but the adjustment to their beds seemed to have worked flawlessly.

They made their way down the stairs together, waiting on the other side of the gate at the stairs for you to lift them over.

And within five minutes, you realized why all parents secretly loved back to school. It was so easy managing kids that were the same age instead of having to balance between 2 year olds and a 6 year old. They wanted to watch the same show, their lunch was the same. With nap time approaching, you were on cloud nine when your phone buzzed.

_Okay, I need all the details. Lunch date at my house? The twinnies can nap over here._

The message from Gen made you smile, and you happily obliged, packing up the diaper bag for the twins and putting them in the double stroller. By the time you got to Gen’s front door Zeppelin was already asleep, and Arrow wasn’t far behind.

You got them settled into one of the spare bedrooms, making sure there were pillows around so they wouldn’t roll off in their sleep. Instead, they cuddled up next to each other in the middle of the bed, Zeppelin’s arm over top of Arrow’s torso as if he were protecting her.  

Gen was rocking Odette when you came back downstairs, and she disappeared for a moment when she fell asleep – you weren’t sure how little O was only a few months younger than the twins, considering she was about half their size.

When Gen returned, you followed her to the kitchen, helping her make a simple pasta for lunch. You made small talk about anything and everything, but she saved the hard hitting questions until you sat down with your bowls and wine.

“Alright. Spill. I wanna know _everything,”_ she said, obviously excited to get all the details.

And you felt like a high schooler again as you walked her through every step of the date, from the drive to Tillie, all the way to the brewery.

“He really knows how to do it, huh? Swoon,” Gen grinned at you, making you blush. It had been so long since you’d had a friend to confide in, someone who really understood what you were going through.

“Oh don’t act like you don’t have a dreamy guy,” you teased. “I mean c’mon.” You gestured towards the large framed photo of the family that was on the wall in the kitchen. It was black and white, all the kids piled up on top of Jared and Gen, everyone smiling and laughing. But Jared eyes were focused on his wife, and you could feel the love in them all the way through the print.

“Oh don’t get me wrong, Jared is perfect. He does things a lot differently than Jensen though. Well, when it comes to dates anyways,” she said, though there was no malice in her tone.

“Really? That surprises me actually, they seem so alike in well – everything,” you mused, putting another bite of pasta in your mouth.

“Jared doesn’t really plan out dates anymore. It makes him a bit anxious when he tries to work out all the details, so sometimes we plan it together, other times we just get a general idea and go with the flow. Jensen on the other hand is a planner, and he specializes in surprises.”

“Does he like surprises? You know, like when he’s on the other end, getting surprised?”

“Oh yeah, he loves them, but good luck trying to get one past him. We managed it once, and he got so excited, but he’s figured it out every time since. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was thinking about surprising him by going to a convention. But I also wanted to make sure he would be okay with me taking the kids, cause I don’t know if he’s weird about that. I know he’s never had them there before,” you explained.

“Oh, that was never Jensen’s decision. He would have had them there with him if he could. It was that Danneel never wanted to deal with it. The travel, the crowds, she just always told him no. I took JJ along to a few with me when they were a bit younger, but I can barely manage my three nowadays, much less more,” she sighed, finishing off her lunch in a few small bites. 

You contemplated that – their first convention of the season was coming up this weekend, and you had already been bummed out that you wouldn’t see Jensen. Maybe… just maybe you could pull it off.

“I think I might try to go to Denver this weekend. Surprise him and take the kids,” you blurted out, waiting to see her reaction. She just shrugged.

“I don’t see why not, I mean I’m going and taking my crew. We could do something during one of the convention days while they’re doing autographs and meet and greets, then we can come in for the panel.” 

Your excitement was building as you started to think about all the things you would have to plan in the next few days.

“Are flights cheap? I’ll have to cover up the charge on the card so he doesn’t know that we’re coming.”

“Oh, well if you’re going you’ll just fly with us. We take the jet.”

You couldn’t help it. You balked. 

“You have a _jet?_ ”

“Easy, it’s not like we just jet around everywhere,” she laughed. “We only use it if we’re traveling as a family, and we split it with lots of other cast members. But it’s ours for the weekend, and there’s plenty of seats for everyone. We’re gonna fly out on Friday after the older ones get out of school.” 

“Well. Count me in I guess!” You grinned, already exciting for the weekend to come.

 

* * *

 

 

**Jensen’s POV**

“Change into something more _comfortable?_ You seriously used that line?!” Jared exclaimed, pausing his one-person game of tossing a tennis ball in the air and catching it. They were in the middle of gossiping like teenagers, Jared wanting all of the details of Jensen's date with Y/N.

“Oh shut it, you don’t get to give me crap about being sappy,” Jensen countered, though he could tell he was blushing. The memories from his date with Y/N seemed like some type of fever dream – it had been so long since he’d said I love you and _meant it_ , wholeheartedly.

“Right, _I’m_ the sap,” Jared said, quirking an eyebrow and looking to the newest addition to Jensen’s trailer wall. A framed picture of Y/N holding the twins, with JJ holding onto her leg. He’d snapped it on his first weekend home, and it made him happy every time he looked at it.

“Shut up,” Jensen grumbled, knowing he had no real argument.

“So. Have you all done it?”

“Done what?” Jensen asked, though he knew exactly what his best friend was getting at.

“ _Pick flowers,_ ” Jared mumbled sarcastically. “What the hell do you think?” He rolled his eyes, throwing the ball. Jensen caught it with ease, tossing it back to him.

“Why do you care?” He said.

“Believe me, I don’t want details. I just want to make sure you’re happy. Not that you have to sleep together to be happy,” Jared replied, and his voice was earnest.

“We haven’t had sex. I don’t think either of us are ready for it anyways, but we’re getting there. And yeah, we’re happy. I’m _really_ happy JP. So much that it’s kinda scaring me,” Jensen admitted with a chuckle.

He had sworn after Danneel had left that he was never going to get that attached to someone again. He wasn’t sure that his heart could take another person walking out on him like that.

“I can tell that you’re happy, and I can tell that you’re scared. But Y/N is _good_ , Jensen. She loves you, and she really loves your kids. I get the feeling she’d put herself between them and just about anything.”

“What makes you say that?” 

“Well the other day, some paps got into the neighborhood. I think they were trying to get some pictures of JJ, and as soon as Y/N realized it she had JJ shielded from them and was basically running to our place. She just gives off the ‘don’t mess with me if you know what’s good for you’ vibe, you know?”

“Did they get any pictures? How the hell did they get in?!” Jensen was suddenly furious at the idea of his daughter and Y/N being so vulnerable.

“I’m sure they got a few, you know how they are. And I don’t know, I took it up with security at the gate. Even if they did get some pictures, you know they have to blur JJ’s face before they can publish it,” Jared reminded him, trying to reassure him. 

“That’s not the point. I just don’t like them being in the neighborhood.”

“I hear you. Y/N seemed a bit shaken up by it if I’m honest. But she was alright once we got inside.” 

Before Jensen could say anything else, there was a knock on the trailer door.

“C’mon boys, we’re ready for yah,” one of the crew members said, signaling that they had gotten everything they needed to set.

They got up slowly, tossing the ball onto the couch and heading for the door.

“I wish I’d known that before our date. I didn’t even realize that anything had happened at all,” Jensen mumbled, feeling a bit guilty. Is that why she’d been uncomfortable at the restaurant? Most of the people in his life were used to being followed by the paparazzi, and he hadn’t even thought to warn Y/N about it. Of course then again, the paps weren’t supposed to be able to get into the neighborhood in the first place. 

“Y/N seems like the type to keep her problems to herself,” Jared said, and it was more of an observation than an accusation as they walked out of the trailer.

“You think she’s hiding something?” Jensen asked, a flare of concern sprouting in his gut.

“No. I think if it was really something important she would have told you, she’s no liar from what I can tell. But I do think she wouldn’t tell you something if she thought it would burden you. She reminds me of me a little bit,” Jared admitted, closing the door behind him.

“I think you’re right. But I don't think she's got a bunch of skeletons in the closet. The only thing that worries me is that I don’t know anything about her past. She just up and left her whole family, everything that she ever knew, and she’s never given me a reason. Plus, I get the feeling she’s got a bad ex. Like, really bad,” Jensen said.

 _You have no idea._ He could hear her words from the other night, clear as day.

“Well, she seems to be doing well for herself now, and that’s what matters. She’ll tell you about it when she’s ready, I’m sure. Just give it time.” 

“You’re not half bad with the advice you know,” Jensen teased, nudging Jared in the side as they walked to the studio.

“That’s what brothers are for. On a completely different note, if you hit me as hard as you did in our takes earlier, I’m gonna kick your ass, got it?” He said, though there was no malice behind his words. 

“Aw, but isn't that what are brothers for?” Jensen grinned, shoving him a bit and trying to get himself back into work mode. But there was no denying that his mind – and his heart – were back in Austin.


	17. chapter seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took so long! had to work out some plot stuff to see what would work best :)

It was your last chance to really sell it, and then you would be in the clear. All week had been a bit of a chess match, trying to convince Jensen that nothing was out of the ordinary, but also getting everything ready for you and the kids to head to Denver. It was a delicate balance of letting him know you missed him without making him feel too guilty, and by Thursday night, you were struggling. 

“I just miss you and wish you were here,” you mumbled, rolling over to get more comfortable. You’d gotten into the habit of him facetiming twice a night – once before JJ went to bed so she could talk to him, and then again when they wrapped for the night. Although it was usually ungodly hours of the night, you still answered. Hearing his voice was worth it, even if you usually fell asleep again within 30 minutes.

“I know baby, I wish I was there too. I miss you all like crazy,” he sighed, his face dipping out of frame as he splashed water over it, washing off his makeup from earlier. When he came back up and dried it off, he looked tired and sad, which pulled at your heart strings. You had the urge to cheer him up, to turn the camera to the side and show all the bags you had packed up for yourself and the kids. But you held back, knowing that seeing the surprise on his face would be well worth it.

“It’s only one more week, and then you’ll be home. We can make it. Plus, I bet you’re gonna have so much fun in Denver, I’ve heard it’s really cool,” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, Denver is usually a really fun crowd, we’ve been before. Next time we go there, you all should come along,” he said, grabbing his phone and moving towards the bed. He propped it up on the bedside table and disappeared, though you could hear the rustle of him taking his clothes off, and caught a peek of his boxers before he climbed into his bed.

“Come along? You mean like go to a convention with you?” You asked, feigning innocence. Your heart was racing. Did he know? Had you given it away somehow? 

“I know it would be a lot to bring the kids, with the travel and keeping them all day, but I think they’d have a lot of fun. Jared’s kids always have a blast,” he murmured, though you could tell he was doubting his suggestion.

“Maybe we could do it in the future. I’d have to get more comfortable traveling with them and stuff, but we can talk about it. I’m not opposed,” you said, careful to keep your voice neutral.

“Really? You’d do that?” 

“Of course,” you smiled, hoping you hadn’t given anything away.

“You’re the best. God I miss you. Did you think about what I asked?”

You grinned, rolling over so he could see that you were in the master bedroom. He’d asked you to sleep in there instead of the guest room, saying that it made him feel closer to you, even when he was far away. You hadn’t moved all your things into the closet yet, but you were in the process. He lit up when he recognized your surroundings, and it made you smile. Sometimes, it really was the little things.

You spent the next few minutes talking about how JJ’s first week of school had gone, and how shooting for the new episode was. You tried to steer clear of talking about the convention, and it worked. He only stopped when you started yawning.

“Geez, I keep forgetting you have to get up early to get Birdie to school. Get some sleep baby. I love you,” he said, his voice soothing you, even 2,000 miles away.

“I love you too,” you murmured, hanging up and drifting off to peaceful sleep.

* * *

When you woke the next morning, the excitement was buzzing all over the house. JJ was ready in record time, asking you over and over what the plan was after school.

“I’m gonna pick you up from school like normal, and then I’ll bring you to Aunt Gen’s house. She’ll be there waiting with your brother and sister and Odette, and then we’ll get in the car to go to the airport, then we’ll fly out to see daddy and uncle Jared,” you explained over breakfast.

Once she was headed to school, you finalized packing the suitcases, making sure you had everything you could possibly need for the twins and JJ. You were only staying two nights, but packing for toddlers was no easy feat. But the waiting afterwards was almost harder, the anticipation eating at you. Jensen had sent you texts here and there, like he always did during the day, and you did your best to answer like nothing was going on. You even sent a few pictures of the twins, making sure the bags by the door weren’t in it. 

After what seemed like forever, it was time to go get the kids. You dropped the twins and the bags off at Gen’s, grabbing the booster seats for Tom and Shep before you headed to school. It made your heart swell a bit to see them all exit school together – Tom and JJ had been good about making sure Sheppy didn’t feel left out.

They scrambled into the car, just as excited as you were to get home and get headed off to Denver. It was a quick turn around when you got back to Gen’s – well, as quick as it could have been with three elementary schoolers and three toddlers. But eventually you had everyone and everything in the car and Gen was driving towards the Austin airport. 

It had been a while since you’d flown anywhere, but it turned out not to matter much. Apparently, when flying by private jet, the security process was a little different. And by different, you meant non-existent. It was as simple as getting the kids out of the car and up the stairs onto the plane. You and Gen kept the diaper bags but sent the rest of it, including the car seats, with some of the airport employees that packed them into the carriage of the plane.

The jet was as nice as you expected, with comfy leather seats and plenty of things for entertainment. It made you smile to see how many touches had been added for the kids, from the coloring books to the wooden blocks that were probably left over from when they were smaller.

You all took off rather quickly, after making sure everyone had their seat belts on – you seemed more nervous for the takeoff than the kids. After you were level in the air the kids were allowed to roam freely, though Arrow stayed close to you, a bit afraid by the bumps that happened occasionally. She sat in your lap and colored while the older three played Go-Fish, and Odette and Zeppelin looked for just about anything they could get into.

“Clif is going to meet us when we land. He was already arranged to pick us up, so Jensen won’t think anything out of the ordinary. The boys have a special panel tonight, an additional one to the big one on Saturday. It’s a more intimate one, and there’s no phones or cameras allowed. I think it’d be fun to surprise Jensen on stage. He’d never see it coming, and he wouldn’t be worried about people taking pictures of the kids,” Gen suggested after wrangling Odette in and keeping her entertained with a show on her phone.

“How would we pull that off though? Do I just waltz up there with the kids?” The thought of standing in front of the whole convention crowd was a bit daunting if you were honest, but knowing no one would have phones made you feel immeasurably better. “I doubt Jensen is ready to tell the fans about the two of us.”

“They already suspect something is going on. Jensen doesn’t spend as much time on social media as I do, but they’ve noticed he hasn’t had his ring on, and they’ve seen that Danneel hasn’t posted a picture with the kids in a while. They don’t know exactly what’s going on, but they know something’s up. So it doesn’t matter if you show go up on stage or not, they’re gonna see you with the kids. Some will think you two are together, some will just assume you’re the nanny, no matter what you say to them. So I say, fuck it, let them guess at it and roll from there.” 

“Do you think Jensen will be mad? That I came?” You were nervous now, rethinking your decision.

“Absolutely not. He’s gonna be so excited,” Gen reassured you.

“But if he didn’t want the fans to know…”

“Y/N, I know it sounds really cheesy, but Supernatural fans really are family. I’m sure from the outside it seems like we just say that, but it really is true. None of the fans are going to mean you any harm, okay? They just want Jensen to be happy. And they’ll see that he is, and that’s all there is to it. I promise. You’ll see what they’re like, and you’ll be welcomed into the family just like everybody else. I promise.”

* * *

 

The plan was in action. The panel had been going on for about 30 minutes now, and you held a twin on each hip, and JJ was bouncing with excitement in front of you as you hid behind the curtains. Gen was beside you with her kiddos, and she was just as excited as you were. It had been a few hours since you’d landed, and you’d hidden away while Gen and the kids had gone and greeted Jared. She’d filled him in on her plan to surprise Jensen, and he was more than down to help out, which made you even more excited.

Your cue came a few moments later, in the form of a very excited fan asking the question – she’d been ecstatic to be able to help when Gen had asked her. You listened carefully to the speakers.

“Hi guys! I’m Marissa,” she had said.

“Hi dear, what’s your question?” Jensen’s voice made your heart squeeze a bit.

“Alright JJ, it’s almost time!” You whispered to her. She nodded, the widest grin on her face. 

“I was just wondering what’s one thing that you love about being uncles to each other’s kids? Like, do you have any favorite memories with each other’s kids?” Marissa asked. You looked over at Gen in excitement, your heart pounding.

“Jensen, you wanna start on that one?” Jared said, prompting him just like he said he would. You knew your time was coming, so you made sure the twins outfits were fixed and that everyone looked presentable.

“Yeah, yeah I can take that one. I love hanging out with his boys, you know, I’ve watched them grow up beside JJ. They’ve got a really special friendship, and that’s been awesome to see. Um, when they were younger, I really loved teaching them some sports stuff, since their dad is a little helpless in that department. And it’s been really fun since Odette has come along – I call her Little O, because she gives Jared a run for his money,” Jensen laughed. “But you know, I had a girl first, and don’t get me wrong, I love nothing more than being a dad to my little girl, but it was almost four years before I had a son as well, which was when I really understood what this dude was talking about when he was like ‘man, my boys are _wild!’_ ”

You listened as the whole convention center laughed.

“But yeah, I love spending time with his kids, I mean, I love them like they’re my own. Always have, always will,” Jensen finished.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure for a little while that they all loved ‘Unca Jensen’ more than they loved daddy,” Jared teased. “Actually, you know, we could ask them. My family is actually backstage, uh honey? You wanna come out?”

The crowd erupted in gasps, and you watched as Clif moved to be a bit closer to the stage as Gen got ready.

“See you in a minute,” she grinned, putting Odette on her hip and pulling the curtain back. The crowd erupted into cheers, though they kept it quiet so they didn’t scare the kids. You couldn’t see what was going on but you heard the murmured greetings between them, and you peaked through the curtain to see Jensen hugging Shep.

“So guys, I have a question. Do you think Uncle Jensen is better at sports than daddy is?” Jared asked. Judging by the laughs, you assumed that they’d answered in Jensen’s favor. 

“To answer the rest of your question, my favorite memories with Jensen’s kiddos are kind of in the same vein. You know, seeing him gain two babies at once was incredible, and I love seeing how the twins interact with each other. Jensen and Shep have always had a really special bond, and I kinda have that with JJ as well. You know, I taught birdie how to swim, she goes on bike rides with me and the boys, she makes me cards sometimes. Actually, I think I have something of JJ’s, give me just a second,” Jared said. 

You hid out of the way so Jensen wouldn’t see you when Jared slipped through the curtain.

“You ready birdie?” He grinned, holding out his arms, careful to hold the mic away from him. JJ was beaming as she jumped up into Jared’s arms and he turned around, heading back through the curtain. The crowd erupted again and you heard Jensen’s gasp.

“Yeah, I found this thing backstage, and I found a few more too actually.”

That was your cue.

With a deep breath you took the two stairs up onto the stage, stepping out with the twins in your arms. The crowd was bigger than you thought, stretching all the way back through the massive room. But you only looked at them for a moment, because your eyes were on Jensen.

The surprise was obvious, but he was so happy that it was contagious. He was radiating unbridled joy when he picked JJ up, turning to you and hugging the three of you with his free arm while everyone cheered.

“How the hell did you get here?” Jensen mumbled to you, incredulous.

“A frickin’ jet,” you grinned. It took all the power you had in you not to kiss him right there in front of everyone. 

He was careful to turn his back to the crowd, making sure no one could see what he was saying.

“I love you. I love you so much.” He hugged you close again, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead that no one would see. He sat JJ down for a second, and she went over to hug Jared while Jensen took the twins out of your arms. The crowd was a constant stream of ‘awe’s, making you blush and smile. Being in front of so many people wasn’t really your cup of tea, but you’d do it over and over again if it brought the same smile to Jensen’s face.


	18. chapter eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are getting intense WOO HOO

The rest of the convention weekend had flown by, even faster than a usual weekend did at home. Perhaps it was because you had been so busy. After surprising Jensen on stage, you and Gen had taken the kids backstage again so that the boys could finish their panel. As soon as the last question had finished they’d come running to find you. After checking to make sure that no one was around, Jensen pulled you into a deep kiss, one so passionate it made JJ mutter an “ew!” from beside you. 

“You’re incredible, you know that?” He’d said, a bit breathless when he pulled away.

“I try, I try,” you teased, wrapping an arm around his waist. You only let go when you had to head to the hotel, not wanting anyone to get pictures of the two of you. You’d brought a baseball cap so you could hide your face, learning from the last experience that paparazzi could be anywhere, and the last thing you needed was your face posted somewhere.

The night in the hotel was a mixture of fun and chaos, with the kids – and Jensen – jumping up and down on the hotel beds, lots of room service, and him reading through some of the letters and opening gifts that fans had brought him. By 10:30, the twins had fallen asleep on top of you and JJ was snoozing soundly on Jensen’s chest in the other bed, making it almost impossible for you to maneuver into the same bed.

On Saturday, everyone got breakfast before the boys were off, busy doing meet and greets and photo ops all day, preparing for another panel. You and Gen took the kids to the park, letting them play around, enjoying the views of the Rocky Mountains in the distance. 

After the panel, Jensen had the concert. You brought the kids to that, hanging towards the back of the crowd. He spotted you all halfway through, blushing bright red but continuing to rock out and have a great time, making you smile. He was exhausted afterwards, so you took the kids up to bed right when they bowed, pleased to get them asleep in the same bed so that you could be with Jensen. He’d showered as soon as he’d come back, coming out fresh and smelling of pine trees and vanilla. It made it all the more pleasant to curl up next to him under the covers, arms wrapped around his bare torso.

And before you knew it, Sunday had come and you were getting ready to board the jet back home. Jensen and Jared rode to the airport with you all, considering they too had a flight to catch that was unfortunately headed in the opposite direction.

You’d never seen an airstrip look so sad. 

“You’re incredible for surprising me with all this. I’ll repay it, I promise,” Jensen had said, holding onto you tightly as the kids said bye to Jared.

“No need, it was just as much for me as it was for you. Two weeks is a long time to miss you,” you smiled, reaching up to fix the collar on his shirt.

“Well, at least now it’s only one week. I can’t wait,” Jensen sighed, bringing a hand up to run his thumb along your cheek like he always did. You covered his hand with yours, leaning up for a kiss.

“Kiss your babies bye, we’ve gotta go soon,” you sighed when you parted, stepping back so that the kids could have their time. He scooped them all up in a hug, giving each of them a kiss and telling them each he loved them. He moved on to the Padalecki kids next, giving them all a squeeze and kissing Odette on the cheek.

He turned back to you and gave you one more kiss before he and Jared headed back into the airport and you turned to board the plane. Lucky for you and Gen, the kids were exhausted from all the excitement of the weekend, and they were all zonked out within 20 minutes of taking off.

You took the time to relax and revel in the whole weekend. Jensen had been so happy, so surprised, and it’d just made everything so positive and fun. Everything had gone exactly to plan.

Until you landed.

It was apparent that something was very, very wrong as soon as Gen turned her phone off of airplane mode. Immediately there were alerts, missed calls and messages streaming in. Even your phone started to blow up.

“What the hell?” Gen mumbled, trying to make sense of it. You looked to your phone, trying to see what all the fuss was about. It was a text from Jensen. 

_Text me as soon as you get this, Jared and I are worried sick._

You typed your response as quickly as you could.

_We just landed, haven’t even gotten off the plane. What’s wrong?_

“Gen what’s going on?” You asked, trying to keep your voice down, not wanting to wake the kids.

“Our alarm system was triggered. Somebody broke into our house.” Gen’s voice was eerily calm. “I have to call Jared. Will you get them ready to get in the car?” She looked towards her sleeping kids just as your phone buzzed again. Another text from Jensen. 

 _Jared gets alerts on his phone for their security system at home. They think somebody broke in. Call me when things settle down. I love you_  

“Yeah, yeah absolutely,” you said, mind racing. You watched as she called Jared – he picked up on the first ring – and headed towards the front of the plane, which had finally taxied and stopped. 

“We’re okay, I promise, hey, just breathe. Breathe baby, it’s okay. We’re safe, we haven’t even left the airport yet.” Her voice trailed off as she got further away, exiting the plane as soon as they opened the doors. You couldn’t imagine how anxious Jared had been, not knowing where his family was.

You took a deep breath, settling yourself and putting on a brave face for the kids.

“Alright guys, we’re home! Time to get up and get in the car,” you said. Your voice roused the older kids, but you had to go over to each baby and wake them up gently. You stalled until Gen came back onto the plane, scooping up Odette and carrying her down the stairs. She kept the boys close to her, and you followed behind her with a twin in each arm and JJ on your heels. 

You got the kids in the car seats in silence, offering your hand out for the keys. Gen was in no condition to drive, even if she was holding it together very well on the outside. She made another call, to Emily, her nanny, just to check and make sure she wasn’t in the house when the break in happened.

All the while, her phone was still buzzing. You didn’t have to ask to know that it was Jared.

“Do you care if the kids and I stay at your place tonight? I don’t want them asking questions about all the cops outside the house. Plus, I need to go in and look around, see if anything was taken.”

“Of course. You all can stay as long as you need. Do you want me to go over there with you? Emily could come watch the kids at my place,” you offered. The thought of her walking around alone in the house made you nervous.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think that would be good. It’d make Jared feel better. He’s ready to get on a plane and fly home, but I told him there’s nothing he can do here.”

“I’m sure he’s just spooked. Why don’t you have Emily come to my place, we’ll get her settled in with the kids and then we can head over to your place,” you proposed.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Loop around the neighborhood so we don’t pass my house,” Gen suggested. You followed her directions once you got in through the gate, headed towards your place. The kids only caught on when you pulled into your driveway.

“Why are we at Uncle Jensen’s house?” Tom asked from the backseat.

“Well, since you guys were so good this weekend, we thought you all earned a sleepover. How’s that sound?” You smiled back at them.

“On a _school night!?_ ” JJ asked, seemingly amazed that you’d even considered it. 

“Yep! But, you all have to promise to be good at bedtime, or we won’t be able to do it again,” Gen backed you up. The kids were giddy, although the babies didn’t really know what was happening. 

“But Mommy and Ms. Y/N have to go back home to get your clothes and your bags for school in the morning, so you all are going to stay with Emily at Y/N’s house,” Gen explained. The kids nodded, just excited to be able to stay somewhere else. Their innocence tugged at your heart a bit. 

Emily got to the house about ten minutes later, worry written all over her face. Gen explained the plan to her in hushed whispers while you tried to keep the kids entertained and distracted. You arranged the bed plans – Tom and Shep in one of the guest beds, and Odette in one of the twins old cribs.

Once the babies were settled, you and Gen left for her house. It didn’t look like a massive crime had occurred – there was only one police officer there, and his car was parked down the street.

“Good evening ma’am. I didn’t want the news crews showing up, so I tried to keep this as low profile as I could. The house has been entirely cleared, you’re safe to go inside. Far as we can tell, nothing was taken, but we’d like you to look around and see if anything seems out of place,” the officer explained. Gen nodded, heading up the driveway towards the front door. 

“What about the cameras?” She asked.

“They were tampered with ma’am. We believe he disconnected them before he entered, thinking that it would also deactivate the security system.”

The pit in your stomach grew. Whoever had done this was intelligent, and he’d planned this out. It hadn’t been by chance, and that somehow made it worse. The sinking feeling continued when you stepped inside. Something just felt _off,_ but you couldn’t quite place it.

You kept your eyes peeled for anything that seemed out of place, but nothing stood out. Even the bit of disarray that they’d left – toys on the floor, dishes in the sink – seemed normal. 

“Why break in if you aren’t going to take anything?” Gen murmured, echoing your own thoughts.

“I don’t know, but I guess it’s a good thing they didn’t?” You said, though you didn’t really believe that. The unspoken assumption was hanging in the air. If they didn’t come for material things, then they came for Gen, Jared and the kids, which was a thousand times worse.

You followed Gen silently for a while, watching as she checked room after room. She seemed too calm, only showing hesitation around the kids rooms. You didn’t blame her – the thought of anyone in there that meant the babies harm caused your skin to crawl.

When you returned to the living room, she sat down on the couch quietly.

“Are you alright? You seem to be taking this all very well,” you said, hoping that your assumption didn’t offend her.

“I’m just glad nothing happened. We’ve always thought about this as a possibility – it’s a reality that comes with being famous. People know we live in Austin, they know we live by the lake. It was just a matter of time before something like this happened. I’m just glad we weren’t home when it did,” Gen sighed.

“Thank god you weren’t,” you mumbled, toying with your hands. The sinking feeling hadn’t left you.

But there was no way, no _reason_ that it would be him. That wouldn’t make any sense. If he was going to target anybody, he’d be targeting you or Jensen. But the words echoed in your mind anyways.

_If you try again, I’ll find you. God help me I will find you._

With his voice echoing in your mind and your thoughts swirling, you followed Gen back to your house, double checking the doors were locked and that the kids were safe in bed before you turned in for the night.

Seeking any comfort you could find, you sifted through Jensen’s clothes, finding one of his t-shirts that still smelled like him. You pulled in on quickly, scurrying under the covers and calling Jensen. He picked up on the second ring. 

“Hey love. How’re you holding up?” 

You let his voice wash over you, letting out the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in.

“Not great. I’m pretty freaked out if I’m honest. Did you talk to Gen?”

“Jared filled me in. So they didn’t take anything?” He seemed to be on the same track that you had been.

“No, which makes you really wonder why they were there in the first place,” you mumbled, trying to push the thought from your mind. _They’re safe, they’re here with you,_ you reminded yourself. The thought of someone getting hurt because of you was one of your greatest fears.

“I know it’s hard, but try not to think about it. It’ll only make you more upset. You all are safe, and that’s what matters. I wish I could be there with you guys.” 

“I wish you were here too.” Against your will, the tears started to prickle. 

“Is Gen there with you?”

“Yeah, she uh, she went to bed too. I can’t imagine what’s going through her head right now,” you mumbled, trying to keep your voice steady while you wipes your cheeks. He caught on immediately.

“What can I do? How can I help?” He asked, and the sincerity in his voice only made you want to cry more somehow.

“I’m okay Jensen, really. I’ll be fine.”

“Well I can’t have my girl crying, not when she’s a thousand miles away from me. Tell me what I can do. Please.”

It took you a minute to pull yourself together enough to even ask him anything.

“Just talk to me. Or sing. Just wanna hear your voice until I fall asleep,” you whispered, feeling like a small child asking for comfort.

“Of course baby. I can do that. Lay down, put your phone on to charge and get comfy,” he instructed. You did what he said, curling up on his side of the bed, blankets pulled up to your chin.

At first he just talked. It was a mixture of things – sweet nothings, reassurances, affirmations. But after a few minutes, it moved into song. You didn’t recognize what he was singing, but the lyrics were sweet and his voice was so smooth and calm that you felt your eyes closing. You fell asleep to the cadence of his song, hoping that the dreams stayed away.


	19. chapter nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ladies and gentlemen.... it's finally smut time
> 
> just as a fair warning, this chapter is primarily what I consider to be mild smut. if that's not your thing, feel free to skip on ahead!!
> 
> as always, thank you for the support!!! i love you guys!!

The first week after was, for lack of a better word, uncomfortable. Gen and the kids stayed for three days, while the cameras at their house were being reinstalled. They also added additional security and changed all the locks.

Jared had wanted them to stay until he got home on Friday night, but the kids were getting antsy, and Gen was ready to get back into her own routine. She wanted things back to normal – or as normal as they could be with a new security guard hanging around the house. So she’d headed home on Wednesday night.

And although you were both strong, and perfectly capable of taking care of yourselves, you both breathed a sigh of relief from your respective houses when you got the texts that told you that your boys were home. Clif was going to stay with the Padalecki’s for the weekend, just to make sure that everything was in order, so Jensen got dropped off first. 

There were no words said. You had been waiting outside in the entryway, the door propped open so you could hear the kids. Jensen came running to you, scooping you up in a bone-crushing hug. You clung to him, unaware of just how scared you’d been until it started to seep away.

“I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Somehow, he knew the exact six words you needed to hear. The kids coming out the door was the only thing that made you let him go. He sat down right there on the ground, letting them ‘tackle’ him and smother him in hugs and kisses. It took him just a little longer to let them go than usual.

You tried to keep the night as normal as possible. You ate dinner together on the porch, gave everyone a quick bath, rocked the babies to sleep. A game of Monopoly Junior was played, which Jensen won, of course. Everything had gone to plan, all the way up to Jensen reading JJ’s bedtime story, but still, something just felt _different._ There was an intensity about everything now, and it hung over the house like a dark blanket. You couldn’t decide if it made you feel more comfortable, or if you were smothering in the uncertainty of it.

Trying to shake the feeling, you considered your options, leaving JJ and Jensen to finish up bedtime. You could just curl up in bed, try to sleep it off. Or, you could try a hot shower. But the idea of being away from Jensen for even a few minutes made you apprehensive. This was the first time you’d actually separated from him since he’d gotten home. 

It wasn’t until you got to the bedroom that it clicked.

_Oh._

You hadn’t felt _wanted_ like _that_ in such a long time, it had taken you a while to realize that was what was happening. The lingering touches, the fact that he’d been attached to your side like glue since he’d come home. Your heart started to race.

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to – _god_ did you want to, and you weren’t complaining. You were just a bit confused about why he’d decided now was the right time.

You didn’t have much longer to contemplate alone, because you heard the door to the room open. 

“There you are. I got worried for a second.” Jensen’s voice was soft, making you relax and lighting your skin on fire at the same time. His arms wound around your waist, his lips finding your neck, only confirming your suspicion of his mood.

“I figured you had it handled,” you smiled, spinning around in his arms so you could see him. You could tell that the week apart had taken a toll on him. You could see the remnants of stress still clinging to him, the worry that he wasn’t able to let go.

“Hey. Everything’s okay. I’m _okay,_ ” you reassured him, wrapping your arms around his neck, fingers playing with the coarse hair at the base of his head. It was always the exact same length, kept cut meticulously by the hair and makeup team, you were sure.

“That’s a lot easier to remember that when I’ve got you here,” he murmured, pulling you closer to him. “It wasn’t even our house and I was worried sick all week. Jared was a wreck.”

“I’m sure. We were all worried, but we just have to try to move past it. The more we dwell, the worse it’ll get for all of us. We’re safe, the kids are safe. That’s all that matters.” The words came out a bit mechanical, considering it was the mantra you’d been repeating to yourself for the past few days.

Jensen was quiet for a minute, just looking at you, eyes tracing over your features like he was studying you.

“How did I get so lucky?” His voice came out like a breath he’d been holding.

“What?”

“When you found the kids, I was on the phone with my divorce lawyer. That’s why I was distracted, how they got away from me. For the six months past that they’d been like glue on my side, never more than a couple feet away. And the one time the run off, you find them and bring them back. That’s how we met. I’d say that’s luck if I’ve ever seen it,” Jensen explained, fingers tucking some of your hair behind your ear.

“Yeah. I am pretty damn lucky,” you grinned, getting up on your tippy toes so you could kiss him. Strong arms coiled around your back, practically lifting you off the floor as he returned your kiss. His lips were warm and familiar, the desperation that always came with your limited time making it all the more heated.

Hands were roaming, squeezing at flesh, and you were gasping against him by the time you separated. With a pounding heart, you looked up at him, knowing what you would see. He was asking, waiting for you to stop him because he was ready for this. Just as ready as you.

“Tell me. Tell me if were doing this,” Jensen pleaded, waiting for your answer. He needed it in words. You took a deep breath before you spoke.

“I’m getting in the shower. Your no-peeking band lifts in 5 minutes,” you grinned, leaning up to kiss him one more time before you turned away and headed for the bathroom. You swore you heard him groan behind you, but you just kept walking, probably blushing from your head to your toes.

You stripped down quickly, before you could convince yourself not to. You turned the water up until steam was rolling in the shower, fogging up the glass walls. The water calmed your nerves a bit, taking them from anxious to excited. You hadn’t realized how much you’d been holding back until you didn’t have to anymore. 

You should have said 3 minutes.

Lucky for you, he seemed just as eager, and you sucked in a breath when you heard the bathroom door open.

“It’s only been 4, but I’m not waiting a second longer than I have to,” he explained, and you could hear the smile in his voice. You could see his blurry silhouette through the glass, undressing all the way down, making your heart race. 

His hand hit the glass, and you realized with a pang of love, that his eyes were still closed.

You opened the shower door for him, a breathless laugh escaping your lips.

“We’re not gonna be able to have sex if you kill yourself trying to get into the shower,” you teased, taking his hand and leading him into the water carefully. The droplets sprayed off his freckled shoulders as he moved into the shower.

You’d always known he was gorgeous, but this. This was a new level. Your eyes traced every plane of his body, from his head to his feet. Everything was perfect – not in the chiseled, model way, but in the balanced way that bodies look when you take decent care of them. The muscles in his arms rippled a bit as he moved to clasp his hands behind his back. His pink lips were moving, just barely. Counting down.

Taking your opportunity, you moved your hands to his shoulders, starting with the familiar. You’d touched him so many times in the month or so that you’d known him, but this was just so different. So elevated. It made your nerves sing, all the way to your fingertips.

You traced his skin, smooth and warm under the spray of the water, moving across his collarbone, down the center of his chest, across the abs that were just barely there. Despite your feather-light touch, you could tell where his blood was flowing and it made you smile. You liked being a tease sometimes – it kept things interesting.

“You know, you never gave me the chance to implement a no-peeking rule,” Jensen murmured, his breathing a bit faster than before.

“Would you like me to stop?” You asked, pausing right by his belly button, waiting to go any further. 

“Hell no,” he answered immediately, making you laugh. You stopped your torture, moving your hand a little farther south. He was a little bigger than you expected, warm and heavy in your hand when you took him gently. He sucked in a breath and his eyes flew open at the contact. You weren’t sure if his time was up or if he just couldn’t help it anymore.

And you didn’t really care.

Immediately his lips were on yours, his hands roaming down you, over your boobs, down your sides to your hips, squeezing there. His lips moved to your neck, finding that sweet spot that made you gasp for air. You clung to him, abandoning your efforts as he worked you over in the best way, turning you to mush. 

You weren’t sure how long he’d been going, but the only thing that pulled you out of your trance was when you lost your footing. You squealed, clawing at Jensen’s back for a hold. Lucky for you, his biceps weren’t just for show and he caught you with ease, both of you bursting out laughing. 

“You know, you picked pretty much the most difficult of settings for a first time,” Jensen teased, righting you and making sure you were steady.

“I disagree. I think a car backseat would be a lot more difficult,” you countered, trying to catch your breath.

“Well, we’ll have to try it out sometime then,” he grinned down at you. “But for now, I’ve got a better idea.”

And just like that he had scooped you up somehow without falling over, turning the water off and moving agilely out of the shower and across the bathroom.

“Difficult my ass, you don’t seem to be struggling,” you teased, holding onto him tightly. Despite the chill of the air outside the shower, you were warm all over. You felt safe and light in his arms somehow, like it was all some dream.

“You’re just uncoordinated,” he countered, his voice casual, as if you weren’t both naked and headed towards his bed. It put you at ease in a way you’d never felt before.

“You know, I really did intend on taking a shower,” you said, giving him a look of fake hurt.

“We have plenty of hot water,” he grinned, laying you down gently on the bed. You relaxed against the soft covers, beyond ready for what was about to happen. “I promise I’ll help you wash your hair when we’re done.”

“You think I’m gonna need help?” You questioned, half confused and half turned on somehow. 

“You’ll have to tell me when we get to it.” He grinned his most devilish grin and then he was above you, his lips on yours again. It was a slow, purposeful kiss, and it was driving you absolutely wild. He lowered himself down so he was pressed against you everywhere, the warmth of him radiating into your skin. You could feel how hard he was, right up against your thigh and you shivered at the thought. This was really happening.

You explored each other’s bodies like one might vacation in a new place. Looking for landmarks, memorizing your favorite parts. It was wandering fingers, playful tickles and warm lips. It was playful and fun and perfect in ways you never thought sex could be. You were giggling just as much as you were gasping, the balance of it all making you giddy. 

You tried not to rush it, but you couldn’t help the way your body was responding. Jensen was damn good at everything he did, and sex was no exception. By the time his kisses headed south, you were practically squirming. One hand held your hip, holding you steady while his other followed his lips. 

The stretch of his fingers was a sweet burn. It’d been a while, but your body remembered enough to relax into it, to know that the best was yet to come. He was gentle, almost torturously slow as he got you ready, pausing to murmur out sweet nothings that made your heart soar. 

He brought you through your first orgasm, and it was as gentle as one could be you supposed. It washed through you with bliss, leaving you breathless and almost satisfied.

Almost.

It got to the point where you couldn’t wait any longer, and you tugged at his shoulder, trying to guide him back up to you.

“One sec. I don’t think we need to add a fourth to the mix just yet,” he smiled, moving to the bedside drawer. Your stomach fluttered as he moved away from you for a moment. He looked so hard it was painful, and you felt a bit guilty considering you hadn’t really returned the favor. But you blushed when you remembered that you would definitely have opportunities to make it up to him in the future. 

When he came back to the edge of the bed you pulled him to you, guiding him on top of you, showing him you were ready. Still, he waited, brushed your hair back from your face, watched your eyes.

“Everything still okay? Green for go?” He asked. Only he could get away with something so cheesy, you were sure.

“Green for go,” you confirmed with a laugh, pulling him down to kiss you as he moved himself forward.

He gave you time to adjust, pausing once he was flush against you. You were thankful, your body trying to adjust to the burn for a moment.

“Tell me when baby,” he whispered, but you could tell he was holding himself back.

“Okay. Move, yeah, okay,” you murmured, holding him close to you as he started to rock his hips, gently at first. As his speed grew the discomfort shifted to pleasure like you’d never felt, and you knew your second orgasm was coming, and coming fast.

This one was much more intense than the first, and you wrapped yourself around Jensen, legs and arms, clinging to him as your body shook through it. His name was on your lips as you worked through it, and it was only a few moments later when he was calling out yours, his own climax finally coming.

It took a few minutes for you both to come back down, your breathing finally evening out once he rolled over, pulling you on top of him. You’d never understood what everyone meant by ‘cloud nine’, but now you definitely got it. 

“You. Are. Incredible,” were the first words out of Jensen’s mouth when he could speak.

“I didn’t do much,” you countered, propping your head up on his chest so you could see him. It was probably a good thing you two had actually saved the real shower for after – you were both covered in a light sheen of sweat. “Next time, I’m in charge.”

“Yes ma’am,” he grinned, that mischievous glint coming back into his eyes. “Now. Do you need help?”

“Huh?” His question caught you off guard.

“I promised you a good shower with hair washing assistance. Unless you’d like to do it alone,” he explained, quirking an eyebrow.

“Honestly, I’m so blissed out I don’t think I can even move. So I suppose you’re right, I could use the help.”

“You sure know how to boost a man’s ego,” he teased. He rolled over gently so that your back was on the comforter again. When he lifted himself off you, you couldn’t help but whine a bit at the loss of contact. He kissed you again with a chuckle. “I’ll be right back munchkin.”

“Still hate that nickname,” you called after him, but it was half-hearted. He could call you munchkin anytime if it meant you got to watch him – and his perfect butt – walk to the bathroom.

You listened to the water turning on, hearing him fiddle around with things for a while before he came back into the room to get you. Saving him the trouble of carrying you, you stood up, only to find your legs resembled jello. You ended up wrapping your arms around him as you walked into the bathroom, the cold tiles waking you up a bit on the way to the shower.

He was a man of his word, and you relaxed as he worked the shampoo through your hair, his fingers on your scalp soothing you. He was humming along to that same song he’d sung you to sleep with the other day, and you ended up leaning back against him for a while, letting the water warm you up.

After a few more minutes, he finally shifted.

“Finish up, I’m gonna go get the bed ready,” he said, giving you a quick kiss before leaving. You took the time to clean up, even throwing in a quick shave just to give him some time.

Turns out, it didn’t matter. When you came back to the bedroom, the comforter had been stripped off the bed and Jensen was standing there in boxers, a bit confuddled.

“Everything okay?”

“Well, contrary to the movies, going directly from the shower to bed results in very wet, gross comforter,” he sighed, obviously defeated. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ah, we can’t all live life like the silver screen huh?” You grinned at him. “I’ll go get some blankets from the couch.”

“I’ll get them. You get dressed,” he offered, heading out of the room. You shed your robe, pulling on a clean pair of underwear and one of Jensen’s hoodies before climbing up on the bed, curling up against the pillows. 

Jensen returned a few minutes later with the biggest blanket in the house, a massive fluffy one from the upstairs couch. He yanked it upwards, letting it settle on top of you lightly as it floated down. As soon as he was in bed beside you, you were at his side, pressing up to him anywhere that you could.

“Good night?” He asked.

“The best,” you replied, and it was the truth. Though you did still have one question. “Why tonight?”

“What do you mean?” He said, looking down at you in concern.

“Believe me, I’m not complaining. I just expected that you’d want to wait a bit longer. What changed?”

“I think it was because I actually considered losing you for the first time. When we got that alert on Jared’s phone, I had no idea where you were. You could have been with Gen, you could have been in the house, and we had no way of knowing. I was so scared, and I think it really made me realize how much you mean to me. I’ve been trying to fight it, because I’m terrified, but I just can’t anymore. You’re all I want, and I want all of you, forever. I love you, so much.”

“I love you too. More than you could ever know,” you said, and it wasn’t until the words came out choked that you realized you were crying.

“Why tears? What is it?” His voice was laced with worry as he wiped them away. 

“I just never thought I could... I never thought I would get a love like this,” you whispered, curling up against his chest, breathing him in.

It was a while before he spoke again, and by that time you were almost asleep. But you still heard him.

“You deserve everything in this world and more, Y/N. Everything.”


	20. chapter twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its backstory time!! I hope this helps to make everything make sense!!!! please let me know what you think :)

The rest of the weekend was very kid centered. You all went to the park, made cookies, played endless games of tag and hide and go seek, trying to make the most of every minute. You could tell it relaxed Jensen a bit, having his kids in his arms, or on his shoulders – you weren’t the only one he had been worried about after all.

After the boys left for Vancouver, it was a week full of trade-offs. You needed to go shopping for some new clothes and run some errands, so Gen had watched the twins while JJ was at school on Monday. Then, Gen had a few solo shoots for her blog and a meeting with a company on Tuesday, so you had watched Odette for the afternoon, and picked up all the older kids from school, keeping them up until she got home around dinner. Wednesday was yet another trade, since you needed to take Arrow to the doctor for her final checkup on her collarbone. You could tell that she was fine, but you knew you needed to go in, and having Zeppelin running around at your feet probably wasn’t the best option.

So you’d dropped Zepp off with Gen after she’d finished the school run, and packed Arrow up to the doctors.

And when you got there, you’d wished you’d picked any other day.

Since her pediatrician also worked closely with the hospital, you knew you would have to go back, considering his office was in the building. But what you’d forgotten to check was who his nurse practitioner was – another man by the name of Jacob, who you had the unfortune of knowing, was in charge of his office when the doctor was gone. And of course, with your luck, Arrow’s doctor was out of office on Wednesdays, and you were stuck with Jacob.

He’d been an asshole as long as you’d known him, which had been from the first day you’d started training at the hospital. He always had a bit of a superiority complex, a chip on his shoulder that just pissed you off from the get go.

So when he walked in and saw you holding Arrow in your lap, it took all you had not to slap the smug grin right off his face.

“Y/N Y/L/N. Well hell must have frozen over, I never thought you’d show your face here again,” he said, pulling the door closed behind him and watching you intently.

“Jacob,” was the only greeting you could manage, with a closed lip smile to match. 

“I’m amazed. Truly. And who would this be?” He grinned, looking down at Arrow. You couldn’t help it – your hold on her tightened a bit as you pulled her closer against your torso. “Were you pregnant? Is that _really_ why you left?”

“She’s not mine. I’m her nanny.” _She’s also two, and I left 6 months ago, dumbass_ was tempting to add, but you held your tongue.

“Huh. Damn. The bets around the halls were that you’d gotten yourself knocked up and just didn’t want to admit it,” Jacob shrugged, moving closer to you so he could examine Arrow. He knew what he was doing – he was one of the best – or you wouldn’t have let him near her.

“I _told_ you all why I left. In fact, I was very clear about it.” You snapped, watching closely as he moved Arrow’s arm around, checking to see if it had full range of motion again.

“ _Right_. All because we put a stupid picture of you on our website. It was a corporate event, everyone had their picture taken. It’s no big deal,” he mumbled.

“It’s a big deal when you didn’t consent to having your picture posted on social media,” you replied, seething.

“It’s the 21st century. Everyone’s picture is somewhere, whether they like it or not,” he replied. The whole conversation was bringing up a slew of unwanted memories, and you had no choice but to sift through them while he worked on Row.

* * *

 

If someone had asked you to describe your dream guy, it would have been Jamie Herring. Tall, handsome, smart; he was the whole package, and somehow he had chosen you. It was a whirlwind type of love – too perfect. The kind that wraps you up so tight that it feels warm for a while, until you realize one day that it’s actually suffocating instead. Unfortunately for you, you didn’t come to that realization until almost two years into your relationship.

And by that point he thought he had you. To say he was unhappy with you leaving was an understatement. He guilted you about the break up, and it wasn’t until you got the smallest amount of distance between you that you realized what he had done to your life.

Along the road, he’d managed to convince you that the only person you ever needed was him. He told you your friends and family were against you, they didn’t want you to be happy, they didn’t want what was best for you. And you’d _believed_ him, and it left you with nothing. You’d tried to reconnect with some of the people you’d known, but the damage had been done. You felt stupid, and used and worthless by the whole thing. 

You blamed yourself for a long time. Until he started trying to get you back. That’s when you realized just how controlling he had been.

At first, it was little things that you could fight against. When it was calls and texts, you blocked his number. When it was flowers showing up every week, you called the florist and told her to stop letting them get delivered. When he couldn’t send them to your apartment, he started sending them to work instead. Your co-workers chided you, said ‘god I wish my boyfriend did that’, and all the while you laughed off the uncomfortable feeling of dread it gave you.

He wasn’t going to give it up.

The first major red flag was when he showed up at your work, flowers in hand. When you’d told him off, he’d just smiled he most innocent smile.

“The florist wouldn’t deliver them, so I figured I would. I wanted to see you,” he’d said. You could practically hear the swoons of the women behind you, but his words just sent ice down your spine.

“I don’t want to see you. I figured you would have gotten the message by now.”

The tiny flicker in his eyes had terrified you more than anything you’d ever seen. 

“Well. We’ll just have to figure out an arrangement then.”

You’d spent the next days in fear. No one believed you, no one thought he was any type of threat. He was too nice, too charming.

No one saw it coming. Except for you.

Despite the fact that you’d taken his key from him, you weren’t all that surprised to see him in the living room three days later. He was sitting on the couch as if he belonged there.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” You’d asked him. He’d been so calm, so eerily collected when he responded.

“I said we were making an arrangement. I’m here to do so.”

“I never agreed to that.” Your heart was racing, palms sweating.

“I never asked for your input.”

It was only then that you realized just how much trouble you were in. You tried to get him to leave without causing a scene, though you knew in your gut how it would end. You’d seen his anger before, seen it in flashes. But never like this.

He raged. He trashed your whole apartment, and when he ran out of other things to smash he turned to you. You willed yourself not to flinch, not to give him the satisfaction of showing him the fear that was ripping through you.

At the last minute before he struck, he stopped, resting his hand against your cheek gently. If anyone was watching, he would have looked sweet. Somehow, it was almost worse than if he’d hit you.

“Can’t leave any marks. There’s nothing they can do if there’s no marks,” he’d said, and then with two steps to the side he was out the door.

You’d cried the rest of that night away, but you’d woken up with a plan. He wasn’t going to get away with it, not if you could help it.

You’d called into work and gone straight to the police station. They would help, they _had_ to. A restraining order at the least, you were sure. But everything you said was only diminished.

He’s scaring me. _Well what did he do?_

He came into my house. _He didn’t break in, why’d he have a key if you didn’t want him there?_

He wasn’t supposed to have a key, I took his. _Well, I guess he just made an extra then._

He’s a threat to me. _Did he hurt you?_

Yes. _Physically?_

No.

_Unfortunately ma’am, with no evidence, there’s not much that we can do._

You resisted the urge to spit back that you’d heard that before. Lost and completely and utterly alone, you didn’t know what to do expect for fall back into the motions.

You went home and cleaned up the mess mechanically. Set your alarm for the next morning. Got up and went to work, trying not to look over your shoulder every minute.

It wasn’t until you got to work that you found your only reprieve. A quiet, much older coworker – Mary – who never got involved in anybody’s drama. So when she’d pulled you aside, you weren’t sure what she would say. It turned out, it was the best advice you’d ever been given.

“What’s holding you here sweetheart?” She’d said.

“What do you mean?”

“If you don’t have something important here, you need to run, and don’t look back. Men like that never stop. It’s not ideal, but sometimes, you have to do what you have to.”

You’d quit that afternoon and packed up your bags before the sun had set.

You moved three states over the next week, leaving no trace behind. You hadn’t realized just how scared you were until you were far enough away to breathe. You started over, got a new job in a hospital, furnished your apartment with the bare minimum, tried to be normal. It was working, you were getting better each and every day. 

You made it almost a year exactly before he showed up. Just when you’d felt safe again. In your heart, you were sure he’d planned it that way. Inflicting maximum damage seemed to be his specialty.

You didn’t have to ask him why he was there. Mary had told you after all. Men like him never stop.

The fact that he’d broken into your apartment didn’t surprise you either, but it was the most unsettling thing to see him there on your couch, just like before.

“How. How did you find me?” was all you could ask.

“You should really be careful, with what you post and all.”

“All my accounts are private,” you’d whispered. 

“Are they though? Are they _really?_ ”

You couldn’t come up with an answer for that. You just stood there, horrified. Everything you had rebuilt was shattering to pieces, right there before your eyes.

When he walked towards you this time, you couldn’t help it. You flinched, backing away until you ran into the wall.

“Do you live here alone?”

You didn’t know if it was smart to answer him truthfully, but you didn’t think it would matter if there was someone else in the house. He would do whatever he wanted, witnesses or not.

So you answered him, with only a nod yes.

“Good. That’s good.”

“It wasn’t for your benefit, believe me.”

With that, he slammed his hand against the wall, the smack reverberating through the whole apartment. His face was inches from yours, trapping you there.

“Why would you leave? Why would you do that to me? You’re _mine._ ”

“I’m not yours. I never was. And I’m going to keep running, I don’t care what you threaten me with,” you spat back, some of the fire coming back to you.

In a moment of adrenaline, you brought your knee up to his crotch, hitting as hard as you possibly could. When he doubled over you struck again, this time to his face, pushing him away from you as he fell. You dashed for the door, not knowing where you were going, not knowing that when you left that you’d only return to that apartment once more, to get your things. You had no idea that you’d delete every account, every picture of you online and never post another again. You had no idea when you left, you’d end up on the road to Austin, and that six months later you’d find something worth living for again.

None of those thoughts were running through your head. The only thing you could process were the last words he said before you slammed the door.

_If you try again, I’ll find you. God help me I will find you._


	21. chapter twenty one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRING ON THE ANGST
> 
> also, being completely candid with you guys:
> 
> I am leaving for my summer job in about three days, and I will have limited access to electronics while I'm there SO I'm going to do my absolute best to get this story finished before I go, BUT I can't promise that you all won't have to wait a little bit for some updates in the future :) I hope you all can understand, and I promise that I'll do everything that I can to finish up before I leave
> 
> as always, thank you all for the support!!!

You found it ironic, that your life would fall apart on a Thursday. It always seemed like such an inconsequential day of the week. Everyone was just waiting for Friday to come, wanting the hours to pass faster. But this Thursday – this Thursday mattered, in the worst way possible.

Everything happened when you left the doctor. Arrow was more than excited that she would never have to wear her sling again, and her constant smile and laughter brightened up your mood considerably. It was hard to focus on the dark days of your past when you were so happy in your present.

“Go get bubba!” Row had exclaimed over and over on the way home. She’d been reaching over for Zeppelin’s car seat in the rearview mirror, making you smile.

“We’re going to get him sweetheart, I promise,” you’d reassured her as you drove. It still amazed you how natural it felt to pull into the neighborhood now, how you felt like you somehow belonged. The gatekeeper let you in with a smile, and you sang along happily to the radio as you made your way to Gen’s house and in through the gate.

When you got close to the house you went around back, and were unsurprised to find Zeppelin and Odette running around by the garden, Gen giving them some space to explore. She had always given them space to get their hands dirty, to explore the world around them. It was one of the things you admired about her as a mother.

“How’d it go?” She had called out to you when she noticed.

“Really good! She’s all healed up, no more sling for this one!”

Your voice had caught the attention of the babies, and they turned to you.

“Row Row!” Zeppelin squealed, beginning to run as fast as he could towards his sister. Odette was close behind him, though she was running towards you instead. You scooped her up, giving her a squeeze as Gen came over behind you.

“Alright, I don’t know about you all, but I’m starving. You up for lunch? I was just going to make sandwiches for everybody,” Gen offered. You happily obliged, carrying Odette into the house, trailing behind the twins.

It was a peaceful time, or as peaceful as a lunch with three toddlers could be. They giggled and munched on apple slices while you and Gen talked about your weeks, and everything that had happened that you’d missed.

The security guard was gone for now – Gen had gotten sick of feeling like she was being watched all the time, and the thoughts of the break in didn’t seem to be so constant anymore. Odette had finally sized up in clothes, which gave Gen an excuse to shop for new clothes, and the boys were doing well in school. You got the idea the more she talked that Gen didn’t have very many other women she could really _talk_ to. With a bit of pride, you realized she probably used to have these conversations with Danneel, and now you were beginning to become her friend in the same capacity.

“Okay okay, enough about me. How’ve you been, how was your weekend?” She said once she’d gotten everything out. It was funny to you, how you’d seen each other every day this week and not really had a minute to even sit down and talk. 

So, you filled her in on everything, only sparing her the details of your night with Jensen, though she got the idea. It was so easy to talk to her, because she just _understood_. She knew you weren’t being selfish when you said you missed Jensen, she didn’t think it was weird to wake up to a FaceTime at 2am just to hear his voice. She’d been doing it for years and years, after all.

As odd as it sounded, you just felt very at peace sitting there talking to her while the kids ate. After you were done, Emily emerged from wherever she had been.

“Hey, do you care to watch the kids for a minute? I want to show Y/N something upstairs,” Gen asked her.

“Of course!” Emily had said. 

So you followed Gen up to her closet, crossing through her bedroom. Immediately, you were over taken by the smell of flowers. You paused, looking around at the vases that seemed to be covering every surface. They were all full of the same thing – sunflowers. Some looked brand new, while others had obviously been there for a little bit. It made the sinking feeling come back into your gut, ten fold. Sunflowers used to be your favorite.

Until Jamie had tried to give them to you over and over and over again.

“Gen, where’d you get all these flowers?”

“Huh?” She asked, coming back in from her closet. She was holding up a few dresses, obviously about to ask your opinions on them.

“Where did all the flowers come from?”

“Oh, honestly? I’m not sure. Jared swears it isn’t him, but they all keep coming every day without a note. If it isn’t Jared, I bet it’s some promo for a brand that wants to do a collaboration for my blog,” she explained, casual as ever.

Your stomach twisted.

“You don’t know who sent them?” It came out of your mouth a bit strangled.

“Nope. Honestly, it’s getting to be a little bit much though. I hope whoever it is stops soon.”

You immediately felt woozy, the whole room beginning to swim in front of you. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” you exclaimed, clutching your stomach and running for the bathroom. All of your lunch came up in the toilet, but even with an empty stomach your insides were still churning. Thankfully, Gen gave you your space and you were able to stand back up and collect yourself.

There was no denying it now. It was all connected. It had to be. But _why?_

“Oh god, you look paler than a ghost. Are you alright?” Gen asked when you finally emerged from the bathroom.

“Not really. I feel awful. I know it’s a lot to ask, but do you think you could watch the kids for a little bit this afternoon? I think I need to sleep this off.” You made up the lie quickly, hoping she wouldn’t notice.

“Of course girl, go get some rest! I’ve got dinner planned out so I can keep them for that if you need, just text me and let me know if you need anything!”

You almost felt worse, for taking advantage of your friend like that. But you knew you weren’t going to be able to keep it together much longer if you stayed in the house.

You thanked her quickly, going downstairs to kiss the babies bye, trying your hardest not to listen to them calling out “Momma Y/N!” after you. Somehow, you made it into the car, out of her driveway and into yours before you broke down. 

It was the ugly kind of sobbing, the kind they never show in movies because no one should ever have to see it. You couldn’t catch a breath between the cries, you were just sucking in air whenever you could as you stumbled out of the car and to the front door. You armed the security alarm with shaky fingers before you sunk to the ground, curling up in a ball and willing yourself not to fall completely apart. 

How? How had this happened? You’d been so careful, especially after the hospital had posted your picture and name online. You had hoped, somehow, that he hadn’t found it. But deep down in your heart you knew that he had.

But now, it made no sense. If he knew you were in Austin, fine. But why had he connected you to the Padalecki’s? It just didn’t make any sense. Jamie was smart. If he was sending flowers to the wrong house, he had a reason.

When you calmed down enough to stop the tears a bit, you pulled your phone out of your pocket. Your background – the picture of you and Jensen with the kids before your first date – was almost enough to unhinge you again. But you held it together enough to do what you set out for.

Opening up Safari, you quickly typed your name in the search bar.

As you scrolled, you saw plenty of results for people with the same name as yours, but nothing new regarding you. Somehow, it didn’t give you any relief.

You paused before you went on. If he was targeting the Padalecki’s, then there had to be some connection somewhere. And you figured it was more likely that you were linked to Jared than to Gen, so you opted to search his name instead.

After scrolling past the basics, his Wikipedia page and IMDB, you saw a headline that made your heart stop.

_Meet the New Mystery Woman shared by the Winchester Brothers_

Your hand was shaking so hard that it took you a few tries to successfully click the link. It was a pop culture news site, you could tell, but you didn’t care enough to look at anything but the article.

At the very top, your worst fears had come true. It was a picture of you, your face shown clear as day. JJ was in your arms, her face hidden by your shoulder, and Jared was right beside you, towering up and looking at the paparazzi. You could tell it was just seconds before Jared had told him off and sent him away.

You were panicking more and more with every single word you read.

_Do Supernatural’s Winchester brothers have more to share than just a final season? One of the shows two main actors, Jared Padalecki (Sam Winchester) was spotted outside his Austin, Texas home with a new woman this week. Jared is still currently married to Genevieve Padalecki, who had a brief stent on the show in 2008, and by the looks of it, there may be trouble in paradise. But that’s not all that could have the CW’s longest running show’s set full of drama. The woman was also spotted carrying Padalecki’s co-star Jensen Ackles (Dean Winchester) 6 year old daughter, Justice Jay. Could this woman be the latest thing the close stars are sharing?_

You couldn’t read another word. You chucked your phone away from you, covering your face with your hands.

“No, no no no no,” you groaned, hugging your legs closer to yourself again. Everything was ruined. There was no going back, no fixing this. Not only had he found you, but you’d put everyone you loved in danger. Jared, Gen, Tom, Shep, Odette, Jensen, JJ, Arrow, Zeppelin. They were all at risk, and it was all your fault. The thought made you feel like you were going to throw up all over again, the pure grief of what you had done ripping it’s way through you.

How could you have been so stupid? How could you have ever thought that you could get away from him? He was never, ever going to stop, and you were never going to be able to stop running either. It was foolish to think that you could.

It was over. Everything was over.

When you had finally cried the last tears your body was willing to give, you took a minute to look around from your spot on the floor. The beautiful living room that you had fallen in love with the first time you’d walked into that house; now, it was even more beautiful. You’d sat on that couch with the babies on your lap, singing songs or helping them color. You’d helped JJ finish her math homework by the window last week. You’d seen the kids pile on top of Jensen, watched the sunset, heard Jensen play guitar for the first time right across the room. You were suddenly filled with another question, and it was the most painful one you’d asked yourself yet.

How were you ever supposed to say goodbye?

The memory that pained you the most felt like it had been a lifetime away. A moment shared on a tile floor, one room over in the master bathroom. JJ, with her wet blonde hair, smelling like strawberries right after her bath. Big brown eyes looking at you, asking you questions and you responding with a promise that you had every intention of keeping.

Promising her that you weren’t going to leave. The thought of breaking her trust, right after her mother had done the same thing, was the worst guilt that you had ever felt. Surely, there would have to be a way that you could stay.

But then, the idea of her in danger, of her or the babies or even Jensen within 5 miles of Jamie made your blood go ice cold.

You hadn’t had a boyfriend since you’d broken up with him. And you didn’t have a single doubt in your mind that he would hurt anybody who he deemed as a threat. That’s why you kept pepper spray in your purse, why you had a gun in a lock box up in your room.

He wouldn’t think twice, and that meant Jensen and his kids were in danger. And it was all your fault.

You’d been so naïve, to think that you could live your happy ever after. It was never going to work out for you, that much was clear. He would always haunt you, no matter where you went or what you did. 

There was no other option. You had to leave. You had to put as much distance between Jensen and yourself as possible. It was the only way to keep them safe.

Somehow, your body found more tears to shed, and you let them fall as you sat on the hardwood, as alone as you had ever been.


	22. chapter twenty two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jensen's pov is back baby!! woo hoo!!

**Jensen’s POV**

He had received some weird texts in his life, but the one he’d just gotten was definitely a contender for the weirdest.

_Do you have a particular connection to sunflowers?_

And of all people, it had come from Gen.

 _Um… should I?_ He sent back.

_No. I’ve been getting a bunch delivered to the house, but they aren’t from Jared and I have no idea who they would be from. But the whole thing really seemed to freak Y/N. Like, got so worked up she got sick, freaked out. Didn’t know if you might know why. Have you talked to her today?_

The pit of worry he’d had in his gut all morning flourished to something much bigger.

_No, I haven’t been able to get a hold of her all day, I’ve been texting and calling though. What’s going on? Is she with you?_

_She left Zeppy with me while she took Arrow to the doctor, and then we had lunch and she was totally fine. But then she saw the sunflowers and it was like she’d seen a ghost or something. Then she got sick, and told me she wasn’t feeling good and asked me to watch the kids so she could go home. I haven’t heard from her since._

His heart sank. It was past dinner time back in Austin, and that wasn’t like Y/N at all.

_I’m gonna keep trying to get ahold of her, if I can’t will you go check on her for me?_

_Of course. Keep me in the loop. Xx_

As soon as he clicked off the conversation with Gen, he was FaceTiming Y/N. It rang and rang until it ended, and he was about to call again when he saw Jared bounding over to him.

“Dude, they’ve called you to set twice now. You good?”

“No. Y/N had answered me all day, and Gen said that she was acting weird. I’m worried.”

“Need a few minutes worried or need to get a flight worried?” Jared was deadly serious. There had only been a few times in their lives that it had been the latter option of the two.

“Right now, just a few minutes,” Jensen said. 

“I’ll have them bring in your double and we can shoot my coverage first. Let me know what’s goin’ on alright?” Jared said it as if there was no other option. Jensen was overcome with a moment of pure love for his brother. 

“Thank you. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Jared clapped him on the shoulder once and turned away, jogging back to set. When he looked back down at his phone, to his amazement, Y/N was calling him. Relief washed over him immediately and he answered it as fast as his fingers would let him. 

“Hey baby, what’s goin’ on?” 

“Nothing! Sorry I missed all your calls and texts, I didn’t have my phone on me.” Her voice seemed a bit off, more stuffy and soft than usual. She sounded congested, though that could just be because of the phone.

“I was worried about you, Gen said you were sick earlier?”

“You two gossip like old women. I’m fine, I just threw up. I’m about to go get the kids from her house.” Now, she just sounded a bit robotic, like she’d planned out the words before she’d called. It made the pit in his stomach grow even more. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m fine.” Her tone was short, something he’d never heard from her before. Something was definitely wrong.

“Alright. Well I’ve gotta get to set, but I’ll call you once we wrap, okay? I love you.” 

“Love you too,” was her goodbye, and she hung up right after.

Thoughts swirling, he put his phone back in his trailer, jogging over to set to fill in. It was a struggle to get through the next few scenes – if playing Dean wasn’t second nature by now, they wouldn’t have had any usable footage. He stumbled over his lines, got distracted, broke character a few times. The crew knew him well enough to know something was going on, but they thought better than to ask. He saw a few of them sneaking questions to Jared, knowing that he would know what was happening.

It was going to be a long night.

The only solace he had was that he could FaceTime Y/N later, and hopefully get her to admit what was going on. It pulled him through the rest of the shooting that he had to get done. He rushed back to his trailer, not even waiting until he got back to his apartment to call her. 

Somehow, it didn’t surprise him that she didn’t pick up.

It felt like the end of his marriage all over again in so many ways that it took his breath away. He had always considered that this could happen, from the moment he’d realized that he had feelings for Y/N. But he’d trusted her. He’d given her his heart so soon. How could he be so stupid? Hadn’t he learned anything?

The tears started to fall without much of a warning. There was no point in trying to contain them – he knew it was futile anyways.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Jared let himself in. He didn’t have to say anything. All he did was sit down beside him on the couch, wrapping a long arm around his shoulder. It brought on a different type of sob, but Jared didn’t seem to mind. They’d been through so much together over the years that tears didn’t faze either of them anymore.

He slept in his trailer that night. When he woke up, he was alone, but he had a blanket tossed over him and his packed suitcase was under the TV. Jared must have gone back to his apartment and got his bag so he could leave as early as possible.

He owed that man a beer. Or twenty.

Unfortunately for them, they were in for another long day of shooting, which meant their flight home wasn’t going to touch down in Austin until around midnight. Knowing there was nothing he could do until he got home, he did his best to keep his head down and get the work done. Move from one scene to the next. One line after the other. Keeping the pace of everything helped keep him distracted, especially because he knew that when he checked his phone there would be no new calls or texts from Y/N.

By the time they called cut on the last scene, Jared was almost as worried as Jensen was. He was ready to send Gen over to his house, or even call up the jet.

“I appreciate it, but we’ll be halfway home before the jet would even get here. It’s alright. I don’t think a surprise early entrance is going to help anything,” he had said, though he wanted nothing more than to get home as soon as he possibly could.

From the car ride to the airport to boarding, his nerves were on the wire. Still no texts from Y/N. She usually sent at least one picture a day, but it had been radio silent all day long.

 _We’re about to take off. I’m assuming you’ll be asleep when I get there, but I love you and I’ll see you soon._  

He didn’t even check for a response, knowing he wouldn’t get one.

Jared tried to keep him distracted on the way home, asking about the next script, when they wanted to play golf again, even going so far to ask about trips they might plan for their winter hiatus. Jared talked when he was nervous, and Jensen let the familiar cadence of it soothe him as best he could.

Eventually though, Jared fell silent too. It left him to think, mind racing through every possibility of what could be waiting for him at home. Would she be awake, waiting for him on the couch like Danneel had been when she ended things? Maybe she would be in the driveway, ready to confront him as soon as she could. Hell, while he’d been on the plane she could have taken the kids to Gen’s and already left.

The thought made him sick to his stomach.

When they landed, he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to run off the plane or stay on it forever. Instead of choosing, he put himself on auto-pilot, rolling through the motions with the rest of the groggy passengers.

The car was waiting for them, and somewhere in his worried haze he heard Jared tell the man to drop Jensen off first. His leg was bouncing non-stop in the back seat, and he was chewing on a fingernail up until they pulled into the neighborhood. 

“Hey man. Look at me.” Jared’s voice cut through the silence. Jensen couldn’t find any words, but he looked over.

“No matter what’s going on, I’ve got you, okay? It’s all gonna be fine.”

He nodded, though he wasn’t sure he believed the words. With an impeding sense of dread, the car rolled to a stop in his driveway and he grabbed his bag from the trunk before heading up to the door. 

All those scenarios were running through his mind as he unlocked the door, but to his surprise, the living room was empty. Y/N wasn’t sitting there, waiting to drop a bomb. He left his bag by the door, walking as quietly as he possibly could as he headed for the kids rooms. 

With a bit of concern, he noticed that the twins doors were wide open – they were usually cracked when they went to bed. He tried Zeppelin’s room first.

His bed was empty.

Trying not to panic, he took two steps back into the hall and turned to Arrow’s room.

Another empty bed.

Not caring about the noise, he backed up and threw the door to JJ’s room open.

Empty.

He felt like he was going to throw up as he cleared the hallway and stairs in a blind panic, running for his bedroom.

And when he opened the door, he could have collapsed in relief. If he hadn’t felt like his knees were about to give out, it could have been on the list of best things he could have come home to.

Y/N was where she usually was when he came to get into bed with her – curled up, right in the middle of the mattress. He always had to shift her over a bit so he could squeeze in beside her. But there were other obstacles in his way this time. JJ was fast asleep beside her, using her arm as a pillow and staying as close as she could.

And a bit further down the bed were the twins, right next to each other like they’d always been, Arrow’s thumb still in her mouth as she dreamed. 

It took a few minutes of just taking in the scene of them, there and _safe_ , for him to be able to breathe again. Eventually his muscles relaxed, and he moved to the end of the bed, starting by lifting Arrow up into his arms.

She was growing like a weed, seemingly getting longer and heavier each time he came home and held her again. Even still, he could remember the first time he held her, so tiny and sweet. His baby girl. She seemed so peaceful now, barely stirring as he carried her up the stairs and tucked her into her bed.

Next was Zeppelin. He was a bit heavier than his sister, and had always been a lighter sleeper than her. His brown eyes peeked open when Jensen shouldered the door open.

“Shhh, daddy’s got you. You’re alright,” he whispered, reaching his free hand to smooth down his soft hair. He lulled back to sleep immediately, pressing his face against his dad’s shirt until he put him down in his bed.

JJ was a bit more of a challenge, considering he couldn’t carry her with one arm, and Y/N had a protective arm slung over her. As gently as he could he shifted Y/N’s arm and slid his own underneath JJ, scooping her up and lifting her off the bed. She balled up her hand in his shirt, holding onto him as he carried her to bed and kissed her forehead.

To his relief, Y/N was still asleep when he got back to his bedroom. He quickly stripped down to his boxers, moving to the edge of the bed and sitting down. Even in her sleep, he could tell that she was worried about something. 

He reached out to her with gentle fingers, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She stirred, awaking in a bit of a panic, immediately going to sit up.

“Hey, hey it’s just me. It’s Jensen baby, it’s okay,” he reassured her, moving his hand away from her face and onto her shoulder, squeezing gently. She relaxed underneath him for a moment, looking to the empty bed. 

“Where are the kids?” She asked, her voice rough and scratchy.

“I took them all to their beds. Why were they in here anyways.”

“I wanted them with me. Wanted them safe,” she murmured. He could tell she was exhausted, already half asleep again.

“So it wasn’t to keep me out of bed huh? I can take the couch,” Jensen offered, though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

“No. Please stay. I know I don’t deserve it, but please just stay tonight,” she whispered. And it didn’t matter how hurt he had been, how worried she’d made him, how badly she’d scared him. Not when she was right there in front of him. So he climbed into bed next to her, gladly opening his arms so she could cling to his side. 

He could tell after a moment that she was crying against him. The tears were warm when they fell on his chest. 

“You know we have to talk about this, right?”

“I know.” Her voice was so pitiful that it pulled at his heart strings. Whatever it was that was going on, he knew it was tearing her apart. “And I know I owe you an explanation right now. But can we wait until tomorrow? Please.”

“Y/N…”

“Jensen please. I just need one more – just one night where I can hold you and just breathe for a minute. I promise I’ll explain everything tomorrow.” She was pleading, her hold on his growing so tight that her nails were threatening to bite into his skin. Even if he tried to make her talk, he wasn’t sure she’d be able to.

“Okay sweetheart. Tomorrow. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

Her whole body relaxed at his surrender. He wrapped both his arms around her, trying to give her whatever comfort he could without words. She pressed her face into the side of his neck, clinging to him as she cried herself the rest of the way to sleep.

 

 


	23. chapter twenty three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy!!

To wake up next to Jensen was more than you could have ever asked of him. You had tried so hard to talk to him the last two days, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pretend like everything was normal when it so obviously wasn’t. You were so terrified you hadn’t even been able to handle the thought of the kids being on the other side of the house, resorting to piling them all in bed with you. But having Jensen beside you brought both immeasurable peace and the worst heartache you’d ever known. How were you supposed to let this go?

You soaked up every ounce of it that you could, trying to hold back your tears as Jensen began to stir. If he was awake, it meant you had to tell him.

And if you had to tell him, it meant the end of everything. 

Unable to look him in the eye, you just buried your face in his chest, knowing that he was waking up and remembering everything that had happened the night prior. You waited until he spoke. 

“Do the kids need to be gone for us to have this conversation?” His voice was careful, calculated.

“That would probably be for the best.”

“Alright. Get dressed, I’ll ask Jared to come get them.” His tone wasn’t malicious, but it wasn’t the sweet Jensen that you’d always known either. It made you much sadder than you realized when you noticed the shift. You deserved it you supposed, and it was only going to get worse from here.

A few tears slipped out when he stood up and headed for the closet, emerging a few minutes later with clothes on for the day. He didn’t look back as he left the room, presumably to get the kids. It took all the energy you had to get up and get dressed. When you turned the water off after brushing your teeth you could hear Jared’s voice at the front door, laced with fake enthusiasm so the kids wouldn’t question anything. 

You wanted to run out there, to tell him how sorry you were that you’d put his family in danger, but you knew that you needed to talk to Jensen first. You hoped that Gen and Jared weren’t going to be mad at him, for allowing someone like you into their lives. Someone who brought such a dark past with them.

With an impeding sense of dread, you headed out to the now silent living room. Jensen had his back turned to you by the counter. Of course he wouldn’t want to talk to you – no logical person would.

But when he turned, you felt even more guilty for thinking so little of him. He had two mugs in his hands, one of them obviously yours.

“Where would you like to sit?” He asked calmly, passing you your coffee.

“Upstairs would be good,” you choked out, the nerves making your throat tight. A few sips of coffee on the way up the stairs helped to loosen it up, but the anxiety wasn’t ceasing. You supposed it wasn’t going to let up any time soon anyways. 

Jensen sat down first and you followed, sitting across from him at the corner of the couch. You were close enough to touch each other but you kept a bit of distance from each other.

“I just wanna say, before you start this. If it’s something I did – if it’s being away all the time, or the sex, or whatever else – I can work on it, I can fix –“

“Jensen stop. I _promise_ you, it’s nothing you did,” you cut him off. It made you feel somehow worse that he was putting the blame on himself.

“Then what? If it’s not me, then what is it?” 

You took a deep breath, and then you started to talk. 

“Do you remember the first time we sat on this couch? And you told me that you lied to me? About Danneel?” 

“Yeah…” By the look on his face, you could tell that it was about the last thing that he expected you to say.

“Well, I lied that night too. When you asked me if I would ever bring danger to you, or your kids, I told you no. But I was wrong. And I am so, so sorry.”

“Y/N… what? What are you talking about?” The disbelief was obvious in his voice. He hadn’t suspected this in the slightest.

It looked like you were going to have to start from the very beginning. And so, you did.

You walked him through everything. The first time you’d met Jamie, your first date. The first warning signs. The sunflowers, his anger. The fact that he followed you, had even found you three states over. 

“And things were going well here, in Austin. I had a job, I had a place of my own. I really thought that this was it, that I could make it work. And then my hospital had this event, and they posted my picture on Facebook, with my full name. I convinced myself that he hadn’t seen it before I made them take it down, but deep down I knew he had. But I don’t think it was enough for him to find me. I’d kept a low profile. I didn’t know anyone, and I made sure that no one really knew me. I really thought that I’d gotten away with it, that I’d gotten lucky for once in my life and that it had slipped by him.

“But then Gen and Jared had that break in. I immediately thought it could be him. But again, I guess I just didn’t want to believe it. And besides, it didn’t make any sense for him to go after them. He should have been going after _me._ But then when I was at Gen’s the other day, I saw the sunflowers and I knew. It was him, it had to be. So I looked, and that paparazzi that snuck into the neighborhood put up a picture with my face in it. The article made it sound like Jared and I were dating, but I was holding JJ too. Which means he’s going to figure it out soon enough, and then he’s gonna come after you and the kids.”

Finally, you were able to exhale. You’d done the hard part. He knew, and what he did with the information was up to him. It was out of your hands now.

Unsurprisingly, he was silent for a long while. You did your best to give him time, downing the rest of your coffee while he processed. But the silence was eating away at you.

“So… you knew. You knew this guy was bat-shit crazy, and you didn’t tell me?” His voice was still eerily calm. Acting perks, you supposed.

“Right.”

“But why? Do you know how easy it would be for me to have security outside the house? It would have been a non-issue.” 

“I guess I just wanted to believe that I finally made it out. That I could actually leave him in the past, stop looking over both my shoulders every time I breathe. But that was stupid, he was always going to find me. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, for putting you all in danger.” 

“When you say danger, what exactly do you mean?” There was a bit of an edge to his voice now. 

“I don’t have a single doubt that he could be violent. You’re the first person I’ve dated since him. If he sees anyone or anything in my life that would threaten to replace him, I don’t know what he would do. And I don’t want to find out.”

“And this bastard is going after Jared then? Sending flowers to the house cause he thinks you’re there?”

“Yeah.”

Silence. His knuckles were white against the handle of his mug.

“Why didn’t you just tell me this yesterday, when you figured it out?” There was a bit more bite to his tone now.

“I wanted to tell you in person, and I wanted to give you some time to think about what you wanted to do with the kids. You know, in case you didn’t want to put all that on Gen again,” you explained.

Of everything you had said, that seemed to be the thing that shocked him the most.

“Do with the kids?” He repeated back.

“Well, I mean I’ve gotta get my stuff packed so I can watch them for the rest of the weekend. I can look into some daycares, or maybe another nanny,” you offered. But with each word, he just looked more confused. 

“You’re… you’re _leaving?_ Why?”

“I… what? You don’t want me to?” You asked, in a bit of disbelief.

“ _Want you to?_ Are you kidding me?”

Now, it was your turn to be silent. How could he _not_ want you as far away from him and his family as possible?

“I’m confused. You don’t want me to leave?” You asked again. 

“You really think I would want that? That I would ask you to leave?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” You asked, incredulous. “I put your entire family in danger!”

“First off, you didn’t _do_ anything. It’s not your fault some crazy douchebag fell in love with you and can’t take a hint. You aren’t responsible for anything that he does, okay? The way he acts isn’t your fault.”

His words took your breath away. He was the first person in your entire life that had told you that all this wasn’t on you, that it wasn’t your fault that all these terrible things had happened. Your mind refused to accept it. 

“I’m still the target, I still brought all this on you all,” you protested.

“Second,” he continued as if he hadn’t heard you. “Do you really think I could stand the thought of you being out there on your own with this dude being around? I worry enough about you being in the house while I’m gone, I don’t think I’d be able to handle you being vulnerable out there. I mean, we’ve got the security cameras, but I’ll have somebody here by Sunday afternoon to keep watch. Actually, I’d probably have to get at least two so they could switch out and take shifts…” 

He was murmuring a bit to himself, running through his plans like he always did. It hit you then – this wasn’t a dream.

He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t making you leave. He _wanted_ you to stay. It was too much, more grace than you had ever thought yourself deserving of.

The sobs started to come, hitching in your throat as you struggled to hold them back. The sound cut off whatever train of thought he was mumbling about, his face written with concern.

“Hey, c’mere, c’mere,” he coaxed, sitting his empty mug down and opening his arms for you. You clambered into his lap, wrapping your arms and legs around his torso. The relief that ripped through you was so powerful you thought it would be your undoing. He held you through it; soothing pats on your back and a hand smoothing down your hair.

When you could get enough breath in your lungs to speak, all you could say was “thank you.” 

“For what?” Jensen asked. He leaned you back so he could see you, tears and all. His thumbs came up to wipe them away, and you tilted your head, resting your cheek in his palm. 

“For loving me,” you said simply. It was more than you could have ever asked for. 

“You say that like I have a choice,” he offered you a smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead as you sniffled.

“I can’t believe you aren’t mad that I didn’t tell you,” you mumbled, trying to settle yourself.

“I mean, I’m not _happy_ about it, but I get it. This bastard has ruined so much for you, I get why you wouldn’t want to bring him into it if you didn’t have to,” Jensen sighed.

“Yeah. He’s kind of the worst. Ever.” Incredibly, you laughed.

“Well, he’s a stupid son of a bitch if he thinks he’s gonna go after my family and get away with it,” Jensen said, and the threat in his tone made you a bit scared. “He’s not gonna lay a finger on any of you, Gen and her kids included.” 

“How? How am I gonna keep everybody safe?” You asked. It felt weird, to say the thought that had constantly been on your mind, aloud.

“You know how to shoot a gun?”

“Yeah. I’ve got one of my own, in a lock box in the guest room,” you said. There was a bit of recognition in his eyes, as if he’d known that somehow. 

“Well, I hope you never have to use it but it’s good to know you can. My gun is in our closet. But I meant what I said, I’ll have a security guard here 24/7 before I have to go back to Vancouver. And I’ll make sure that Gen gets the guy they had back as well. Does she know about any of this?”

“No, you’re the only person I’ve told." 

“We’re gonna have to tell them, especially since he thinks you’re over there. Do you think he’s gonna figure out where you are?”

“Yes. He knows that I wouldn’t let it go on this long without confronting him. He probably broke in hoping to find me, or my stuff, over there. I don’t know why he kept going after that. But the article said that you two were ‘sharing’ me, so he probably just took a 50/50 shot, and he’ll switch to here soon,” you explained your logic.

“It’s bullshit they wouldn’t give you a restraining order against him. We’d have his ass in jail if he even took a step past our gate,” Jensen mumbled, holding onto you a bit tighter. You happily obliged, resting your head on his shoulder.

“I bet if I gave the florist his name they could trace the flowers to him, and then we’d have some evidence I guess. I just don’t think it would be enough. I hate that he has to do something _more_ for us to be able to get him,” you sighed. The thought of it made you sick. 

“Oh we’re gonna get him one way or the other, I can promise you that. I’ll take him down with my bare hands if I have to, alright? He’s never going to hurt you again.”

And for the first time in a long, long time, you actually believed that maybe, just maybe, everything was going to be okay.


	24. chapter twenty four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H O L Y S H I T
> 
> ITS BEEN A WHILE
> 
> but I'm BACK BABY. this has been so hard, but I finally got my groove back after a summer (and a few months after) that were absolutely life altering in many good ways (and a few bad)
> 
> if you're still here, THANK YOU for sticking with this story. I truly love it, and I'm going to give it the ending that it (and you guys) deserve. I LOVE YOU ALL

As much as you had thought it would be weird, you felt better having Clif at the house. Jensen had insisted that ‘only the best’ could be your security, and the best he knew was Clif.

“I trust him with my life, so I can trust him with yours and the kids,” he had said when you’d protested. It wasn’t that you had a problem with him. It was just that if Clif was with you, that meant he wasn’t with the boys, and you didn’t like that. But he insisted that he could get a different security guard easily, and that he’d rather have Clif with you.

And you had to admit, it was a lot easier to have someone there that the kids knew and trusted instead of some random stranger. JJ had asked a few questions about why he hadn’t gone back to Vancouver with Jensen before school, but the babies were just excited to have someone who could toss them up in the air or carry them around all day. The transition was easy enough that you weren’t worried about how they would react.

What you were worried about however, was explaining everything to Gen and Jared. Jensen loved you, he would be understanding. But the Padalecki’s had no reason not to be livid, especially since they were the ones he was going after.

You’d wanted to do it alone, because even if you thought that having Jensen next to you would be comforting, you didn’t want them to get mad at him by association. So you waited until Monday, knowing that Gen would relay the message to Jared, or Jensen could fill in any of the blank spots.

So, with your nerves running rampant on Monday morning you offered to take the older kids to school, laughing and singing along with them when they asked for the Moana soundtrack on the way. Then, you headed back to your house, picked up the twins and went over to Gen’s, Clif in tow.

“You realize you don’t have to follow me over there right? He wouldn’t try anything when I’m not alone,” you told him.

“Jensen told me not to let you out of my sight. So you’re stuck with me until we nail this bastard,” Clif said, locking the door behind you all while you got the twins loaded into the stroller. You knew that fighting it was useless, even if you thought that he deserved a break.

Unfortunately for you, it didn’t give you much of a leeway into telling Gen what was going on, because as soon as she opened the door and saw him she was suspicious. Odette on the other hand was thrilled, and ran right to him, begging for him to toss her up in the air.

“You wanna fill me in on why he’s here and not with our guys?” She asked.

“I think we’re both gonna need a cup of coffee for that conversation,” you sighed, heading for the kitchen. The Padalecki’s felt like a second home to you now – that wasn’t something you’d experienced very often in your past life. Relationships with other people had never really been an option when you were with Jamie. But it felt completely natural to go into the kitchen and pull down two mugs for you all while Gen got the espresso machine ready.

It felt even better to get everything off your chest with Gen. That guilt had been eating away at you even more than not telling Jensen, probably because you’d always known deep down you were going to have to tell him eventually. But Gen was an innocent bystander if you’d ever seen one.

She listened carefully while you recounted everything, from the beginning just like you had to Jensen. And just like him, she was silent for a quite a while afterwards, which made you nervous.

“If you don’t want me around you or your family, I completely understand. Just don’t take it out on Jensen, he had no idea about any of this. It’s all on me,” you said eventually when the silence was too much to bare anymore.

“No. None of it is on you. Y/N. You know that you didn’t do anything wrong, right?”

And somehow, those words set you free. Here was someone with absolutely no obligation to accept you and the baggage that you brought with you, saying that it _wasn’t your fault._ It was too much to process, too much to accept. The tears began to fall before you could stop them, and Gen seemed to be expecting them. She pulled you into a tight hug until you were able to calm down.

“Thank you,” was all that you could think to say. She brushed it off, as if the words cost her nothing to say, and gave you a hug that made you feel so secure you could have burst into tears. And that was that.

“C’mon, we’ve got something to do. Clif, you got the minis?”

With a simple nod he confirmed it, making you laugh a bit as you saw him move over to watch all three babies that barely came up past his knees.

You followed Gen upstairs, unsure of what she was going to have you all do, but willing to see. To your surprise, she headed for her bedroom. When you walked in, it all made sense. The sunflowers were still everywhere, all in vases on every surface.

“We’re getting rid of these. And we’re doing it together. Grab as many as you can carry,” she instructed. You started gathering vases, putting as many as you could fit in your arms at once. Following behind her, you headed down towards the lake, going through the gate at the back of their yard and walking down to the water’s edge. And one by one you dumped every single vase into the water.

From the outside, you knew that it looked stupid, and probably overly dramatic. But there was something so peaceful about watching the flowers begin to float away from you into the water. It felt like you were watching yourself physically let go. The two of you stood there in silence for a while, watching while some of them floated away and others began to sink.

And without a word, the two of you headed up the hill, back through the gate and into the house as if nothing had changed.

* * *

It turned out that having Clif around was kinda weird when the sun went down. He was a man of few words, very quietly eating dinner with you and the kids, hanging towards the edges of the room unless the kids asked him something directly. You supposed he didn’t want to intrude, but it just made things feel even more awkward. Were you supposed to try to engage him? Or just ignore him and pretend he wasn’t there? 

You decided to just go about your business as usual – you cleaned up after dinner, did baths for the kids, put the twins down, then JJ. It was easy by the end to ignore the fact that he was always right by the doorway, just a few steps behind you; until you got to your room.

“Uh… Clif, I’m gonna shower.”

“Okay.” He didn’t budge from his position, which was directly between your closet and the bathroom, leaving him a very open view of, well, _everything._

“You think you could wait right outside the door?”

“Jensen told me not to let you out of my sight,” he repeated his exact words from earlier.

“Well… I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t think anyone is going to come after me while I’m in the _shower_ …”

He contemplated that for a moment, obviously not 100% convinced. But he seemed to get the point, taking a few steps back until he was out of the doorway.

“I’ll be right outside. Yell if anything suspicious happens.”

“Will do,” you reassured him, offering a thumbs up and waiting until he turned his back and left to head to the closet. You understood then, what Jensen meant when he said it could be exhausting to be followed around by security. It had you on edge, and you just hoped a hot shower would help you to decompress.

Turning the water as hot as you could stand it, you slipped in, letting the glass steam up and the water rush over you. It worked wonders on your muscles, but your mind couldn’t stop racing. Every time you closed your eyes you could see his face; hiding in the bushes, watching you from across the park, watching the kids. It made you nauseous to think about, and you rinsed the shampoo out of your hair as quickly as you could just so you could keep your eyes open. Weighed down with heavy thoughts, you finished your shower hastily, heading straight for the closet and picking out one of Jensen’s old shirts from his drawer. It was an old crew shirt from season 3, worn down and soft from it’s many wears and tumbles in the washing machine. The fabric soothed you, helping you breathe a little easier as you pulled on some shorts and went to make some tea to drink. You were too wound up to sleep, and Jensen would be calling soon anyways.

Even in that short time, you’d forgotten he was there, and the massive outline of him made you yelp.

“Just me Y/N. It’s just me,” Clif reassured you, reaching out to steady you as you shook from the adrenaline.

“Sorry Clif. Still getting used to this whole thing,” you muttered, cheeks flooding with embarrassment. 

“It’s alright.” He paused for a moment before following you towards the kitchen. You had already gotten your tea bag and mug out before he spoke again. “This Jamie guy… he’s really got you scared huh?”

“Yes,” you mumbled through the knot in your throat. Just his name still had that effect on you, even after all this time. You were so tired of the hold that he had on you; it just made you more angry as the time passed.

“Well, you’re safe here. I can promise you that. Jensen’s doing some background checks on some people, other guards, so that we can take shifts and have someone here 24/7. But until then, you’ve got me.”

“I appreciate that more than I can say. But please get some rest. You’ve gotta take care of yourself too,” you reminded him, pouring in the hot water very carefully.

“He told me you were gonna do that,” Clif chuckled.

“Sorry?”

“Jensen said you’d try to get me to take a break, and that you’d be all worried about me. I’m _fine._ This is my job. So you just go about your normal business and pretend I’m not here. Okay?”

“Okay. I’ll do my best,” you reassured him.

“Good. Now go get some sleep,” he smiled, flicking his hand towards your room as he sat down at the counter. You took your mug with you, pleased to feel your phone vibrating in your other hand as soon as you got under the covers in your room.

You let out a sigh as soon as Jensen’s face popped up on your screen.

“Hi baby. How’re you holding up?” were the first words out of his mouth.

“I’m okay. Been better, been worse,” you sighed, looking over all the features of the face that you missed so much. You weren’t sure how it was even possible to miss him _more_ than usual, but alas, there you were.

“Everything going okay with Clif?”

“Yeah, he’s great. I get what you mean now though, about it being super weird to have someone following you around all the time,” you muttered, picking at the blanket.

“It’s not the best feeling, but at least you’re safe. Are the kiddos confused?”

“They were this morning, but it’s smoothed out. JJ was the only one that thought anything of it,” you reassured him. You resisted the urge to run upstairs and check on the kids; it’d become a habit of yours recently. They were always fine, and if anything you going in just woke them up. But sometimes you couldn’t help but check and see if they were okay, safe and warm in their beds.

“Baby…?”

“Hmm?” You asked, called back by Jensen’s voice. It was obvious when you looked back that he’d said something you missed. “Sorry.”

“S’okay. You’ve got a lot on your mind. I don’t understand how you’ve kept it together all this time, I really don’t,” he let you off the hook, offering you a sympathetic smile.

“I don’t know how _you_ keep it together with all the hours you work,” you teased, unable to take the compliment in your usual fashion.

“Yeah, these night shoots are getting rough since it gets darker up here earlier now. The one tonight is a fight scene that’s gonna kick my ass, I already know,” he chuckled.

“Tonight? I thought you were done for the night!” you exclaimed. It was already 11 o’clock their time.

“Well, Jared and I kinda talked to the crew about everything that was going on. I didn’t give details, you know, just said we wanted to be home a bit more, for some personal stuff. So were pushing through more scenes each day, moving a few indoors onto different sets, but that means we can come home on Thursday’s. I’ll be home before dinner,” he explained.

“Jay, you already do so much in a day, how can you expect yourself to do more?!” You countered, but you couldn’t deny it. The thought of having him home even a minute sooner brought you unprecedented relief.

“I can handle it. I just wanna get back home to you all. It’s driving me crazy, not being there.”

 _To keep you all safe_ was the rest of that thought, but he did you the favor of not saying it out loud.

“I just don’t want you to drive yourself into the ground. I’ll make do here,” you said, though there wasn’t much fight behind the words.

“You shouldn’t have to _make do_ , Y/N. I should be there. We both feel better when we’re together, especially now. I’ll catch up on my sleep when I get home.” He smiled his softest smile, and you couldn’t even pretend to argue anymore.

“Well, I’ll make sure the bed is cozy I guess,” you teased, tearing up a bit against your will.

“I love you. I know you’re scared, but everything is going to be okay. We’re gonna be just fine.”

And as you finished your conversation, wrapping up and saying goodnight, you weren’t sure whether those words were for you, or for him.


	25. chapter twenty five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS GETTIN REAL

It’s one of those things that’s just hard to describe. That sinking feeling, the metallic taste of panic in your mouth. You’d known this was a terrible idea, you weren’t sure why you’d ever agreed to it in the first place. Frantically, you ran from room to room, searching every corner, under everywhere you could think of, anywhere to find a hiding place.

And when you reached your closet, that’s when you heard it.

The giggle.

You ran to the corner, pulling open the large storage trunk, almost collapsing to the floor in relief. There inside, giggling away were all three of the Ackles kids, obviously pleased with themselves for having found a good hiding place during the game of hide and seek they had so desperately begged for. 

But you didn’t have an ounce of energy to be mad at them. Instead, you just picked them up one by one, squeezing them tight in relief. There was no logical reason that they would have been hurt, or even in danger, but it took you longer than usual to find them and that was enough to send you into a panic. This whole ordeal was really gonna kill you someday it seemed.

“There you guys are,” you said, squeezing them tight.

“This is Tom’s favorite spot to hide, he showed it to me!” JJ explained proudly.

“Again! Momma Y/N hide!” Zeppelin grinned.

“No no, no more hide and seek tonight.” _Or for the rest of the month,_ you thought. “It’s time for dinner anyways. You followed closely behind them as the beelined for the kitchen, ready for the pasta that was about to come out of the oven. You were excited for it too, but more excited for who would be coming through your door to surprise the kids in just a few minutes.

You’d decided to keep Jensen’s early homecoming a surprise, half because it was fun for the kids, and half because you still weren’t 100% sure that something wasn’t going to come up and get him stuck in Vancouver. But he’d text you only a few minutes ago, saying they were headed back from the airport. So you kept your cool while you served out the pasta, hiding the extra plate you made for Jensen as you went to the table where Clif was waiting.

It looked a bit funny to have such a burly man sitting next to the high chairs, but he’d been spending a lot of time out on the enclosed porch these days. “It’s the weakest point in the house. Climb up, knife to cut through the screen, then just-“ was as far as he’d gotten in his explanation before you stopped him. You really didn’t want to know.

You brought him a plate as well, setting everything up for the kids before you went back towards the kitchen and then around to the front door. As soon as the gate opened, you stepped outside, closing the door behind you. All you needed was a moment; just one moment with him before he went into dad mode for the evening.

So you waited patiently, watching him climb out of the SUV and grab his bag from the trunk. Jared waved at you, offering a reassuring smile. He knew what you were going through, and he knew you well enough to give you space. You’d have to thank him for that later. But you put your eyes back on Jensen as he approached and the driver began to back out.

There were no words needed. He dropped his bag before he even got to you, pulling you into his arms as you tucked your head into his chest. You hadn’t been expecting the tears that came from you. You’d been so scared without even realizing it that everything just came out at once. He simply held you for a few minutes, letting it all process as he rocked you back and forth ever so slightly.

“Shhhh baby. Shhhh. You’re alright, you’re okay,” he murmured, pressing kisses into your hair as you clung to him.

“S-s-sorry,” you said between sucking in air.

“S’okay sweetheart. C’mon, let’s go get you cleaned up,” he smiled his softest smile, picking up his bag and opening the door. You both snuck through the living room towards your room, careful not to let the kids see. You slipped into the bathroom and he took your hand, leading you over to the sink before grabbing your hips and lifting you up onto the counter top.

You just watched as he started rummaging through the drawers, looking for something.

“Ah yeah, these guys,” he said, holding up a wipe he’d found. You grinned, stopping his wrist before he could rub it on your face.

“That’s a baby wipe. You’re looking for makeup wipes. Second drawer on the left,” you teased him, letting out a breathless laugh.

“I’ll get it someday,” he sighed, making you both break out into laughter as he got a wipe out of the drawer and started to wipe off the mascara that had run down your cheeks. By the time he was done you felt a bit lighter, the laughter helping to calm you down.

“You ready to go surprise our kids?” He grinned. Your heart swelled a bit at the way he said _ours_.

“Let’s go,” you agreed, hoping off the counter and taking his hand. It took the kids a while to notice him, only reacting when he sat down at the table with his food. JJ sprung up from her chair, running to jump into his arms. He scooped her up, pressing kisses to her cheeks. Once he sat her back in her seat, he moved on to kiss the twins on the top of their heads. They were content enough, just going back to eating their pasta and making messes. Jensen sat down and dinner continued on as usual, with the addition of Clif of course. It always amazed you, how Jensen begin gone so much could still be normal, and how the kids just took it in stride. Plus, an ease just settled over the house when Jensen was home. Everything just seemed _right._

The evening went on as normal. All five of you piled up on JJ’s bed, all on top of each other as Jensen read a book at bedtime. You couldn’t help but laugh as the twins slowly inched their way up your torso until they were nuzzled up on either side of your neck. They were practically asleep by the time the princess had slain the dragon, but JJ was invested enough for the three of them.

Just as you were about to take the twins to their rooms, JJ spoke up.

“Daddy. Are we not safe?”

Her words made ice run through your veins. How. How could a 6 year old know?

“Sweetheart, of course you’re safe. What makes you think that?” He asked. You noticed him shift a bit, moving into protector mode. You were sure he didn’t even realize it.

“Well, you always say Uncle Cliffy stays with you all the time to keep you safe. But now he’s staying here. To keep us safe.” She explained, toying with the hem of her nightgown. Jensen looked at you in a bit of a panic, at a loss for words. This was uncharted territory, for both of you.

“Uncle Cliffy is here because of me.” You blurted out. Shit. How were you going to explain that one?

“Why because of you?”

“I asked him to stay. I just wanted to make sure we were all _extra_ safe when your daddy has to be away at work. But it’s only for a little while, then he’ll be back to helping out daddy and Uncle Jared. Does that sound okay?”

“Oh. Okay. That’s fine,” she shrugged. You breathed a sigh of relief. She was so intuitive sometimes that it truly amazed you.

“I love you sweet girl,” you smiled at her, leaning over to give her a kiss goodnight.

“Love you too momma.”

That was the first time she had ever called you mom. It pricked tears in your eyes that you blinked away, picking the twins up – who had fallen asleep during your conversation – and taking them to their rooms.

When you came back out to the hallway, Jensen was waiting for you. 

“ _Momma_ , huh? When did that start?”

“That was the first time actually,” you said, still a bit amazed. The babies had always called you momma Y/N – they wouldn’t know any different. But hearing it from JJ was something else entirely.

“I could get used to it,” he grinned, taking your hand and pulling you against his body. He was so warm, you melted into his touch right there in the hallway, content to stand there forever it seemed.

“C’mon. Let’s take a bath.”

You weren’t about to say no to that. You let him guide you down the stairs, past Clif who was sitting on the couch, back into your bathroom. He started the water before disappearing into the closet to gather pajamas, coming back with a lace thong and one of his shirts, plus a pair of boxers for himself.

“Okay. I see you,” you chided, blushing bright red.

“I’ve got an extra night with you, you didn’t think I was going to take advantage?” He teased, dropping the clothes on the chair and moving over to you, hand cupping your face as he kissed you. It was more intense than you expected, as if he was trying to get a message across. It felt too good for you to try too hard to decipher it though. He had a way of making your mind go a bit fuzzy at times like this. It was a welcome sensation, after having your thoughts racing for so long. You continued to kiss him as the bath filled the rest of the way, long and slow, hands wandering.

You only relaxed further as you watched him undress and climb into the tub. You hadn’t even noticed him put in bubble bath until he sunk down into the foam, offering you a hand. Stripping down quickly, you eagerly joined him, settling yourself in his lap very carefully. You wiggled around a bit, trying to get comfortable and failing.

“Love, what’re you trying to do there?” Jensen crooned.

“Um… honest answer?”

“Of course.”

“Not squish your dick. I’ve never really understood how couples do this,” you admitted, blushing redder than you thought you could. You could feel the heat in your cheeks. It was helpful that the tub was absolutely massive – you hadn’t been sure that you’d both fit in in the first place.

“You’re adorable, you know that? Here, let me show you.”

Underneath the water, you felt his hands take your hips. You let yourself go pliant, letting him guide you over to the side just a bit, so you were resting more on his thigh and the edge of the tub. To your surprise, it was actually comfortable and it gave you easier access to his neck – a definite perk.

You started kissing his skin lightly, not wanting to leave any marks as you made your way up to his jawline and to his lips. But you could feel the hesitation there, and you frowned.

“You’re about to ruin the mood, aren’t you?”

“Probably,” he sighed, fingers tracing up your side. Any other time just that alone would have turned you on, but knowing that something was bothering him made all other thoughts but concern fade away.

“I’m just thinking about what you said, to JJ. You said Clif would only be around for a little while. What made you say that?” He brushed some hair back from your face while he spoke.

The easy answer would be to say that you just said it because you were on the spot, or that you were just hoping it would be over. But you were done lying to him. You’d done it enough.

“I don’t know. I just have this feeling that something is going to happen soon. I mean, I know… I _knew_ Jamie. He’s very theatrical, and I don’t anticipate him going quietly. I feel like he’s building up to something,” you murmured. Instinctively, Jensen’s hold on you had tightened, pulling you closer to him in the water.

“Like what? What do you think he would do?”

“That’s what’s scary. I have no idea. I really don’t know how far he would go. And it terrifies me.” Tears prickled again. God, you felt like you were constantly crying these days. It was exhausting. And it didn’t go unnoticed either.

“Baby, you’re safe. You know that right? Nothing bad is going to happen to you as long as I’m around, okay?” He brought his hand to your cheek and you rested your head on his palm, letting the tears fall.

“I know. You make me feel safe. I just don’t want anything to happen to you. Or the kids. And he’s _crazy_ , Jensen. He doesn’t have any boundaries, he’ll do anything to get back at me.”

“I’m right here. Nothing is going to happen to you. I’m _right here._ Breathe sweetheart. Just breathe.”

You hadn’t realized you’d begun hyperventilating. You matched your breaths with the rise and fall of his chest beneath you, doing your best to calm down.

“Y/N, I’m gonna protect you if it’s the last thing I do. I promise you that. And that’s a forever thing, okay? I hate that he’s made you feel like you won’t be safe anywhere, but I _promise_ , we’re going to get him. And I’m going to make him pay for everything that he did to you, I swear on that. You will feel safe again, I’m gonna make sure of it.”

“I love you,” were the only words you could find to say.

“I love you more,” he murmured, and his lips were on yours.

You weren’t sure how long you were in the tub, but when it was time to get out Jensen lifted you gently, wrapping a towel around you and drying you off. You slipped on the thong and shirt, heading into the bedroom, Jensen right behind you.

You climbed under the covers, immediately curling up on his chest, clinging to him for comfort.

“Hey. Look at me.”

You leaned back so you could see him. His eyes were warm, but worried pools of green.

“I can stay. I can just tell the producers to do an episode all about Sam, we’ve already pitched some ideas for it in case it needs to happen, Jared said he’d be more than happy-“

“Stop.” You cut him off, pressing a finger to his lips. “You’re not stopping your life for me. I’m gonna be okay.”

“I need you to be better than okay, Y/N. I love you too much for you to be just _okay_.”

“You being here, and me knowing that I’m taking you away from your work, and your fans, and your _life_ , would only make me more anxious,” you countered.

“You are my life. You and the kids.”

“Work is part of your life. And sure, of course I feel safer when you’re here. Just like you feel less worried when I’m actually here, _with you_.” His arms tightened around you, as if to prove your point. “But if we put our lives on hold, he wins. And I’m done giving him anything. So we’re going to go on living our lives, and whatever happens, we’ll deal with it.”

“Are you saying all this for me, or is it more for you?” Jensen asked.

“A little bit of both I think. Now, you said you were gonna take advantage of an extra night. What’d you have in mind?” You smiled at him. And no, your heart wasn’t at ease. And no, you didn’t believe that you were actually, truly _safe_. You weren’t sure you were ever going to be as long as Jamie was in the world. 

But when Jensen got that familiar glint in his eye and kissed you roughly, you couldn’t help but forget, just for a minute, about the pit in your stomach that something terrible was headed your way.

Little did you know, your feeling had been right.

 


End file.
